"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Anonymous

Saturday, July 31, 2010

July Weigh-In

It's the last day of July and here are my stats:

Today's weight: 201.0
Loss/Gain: + 0.5 from last month and +2.0 from a few weeks ago.
Total Loss So Far: -30 lbs.

This has been a weird month for me. It started off great and then I got into a funk, or got busy or I'm not sure what. I've learned some more about myself and why I fight this eating healthy thing. While I'm a bit sad I didn't lose five pounds this month I can be grateful that I'm seeing emotions for what they are and learning how to deal with them.

I think I can sum up some of what I'm learning in a scripture that I've really taken to heart lately. I've memorized it and am learning to apply it to my weight loss journey.

"All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." 1 Cor.6:12 KJV

The NIV translation makes it a little more understandable:

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything."

Also, I saw this t-shirt at the Christian bookstore a couple of days ago and thought it fits me perfectly in regards to my weight loss journey. Thank you so much for your patience everyone! I will win this battle. :)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Changes in Progress

I told you some changes were coming and here they are. As I said before I've been talking to my husband lately about eating better and I finally got the courage to ask him the other day if he would mind if I made some serious changes to the way our family eats. I gave him examples of using whole wheat pastas and bread, trying to get rid of chips except on occasion, etc. He told me that was fine with him as long as I didn't go extreme.

This is the first time my husband has ever been really open to eating healthier in the almost 15 years we've been married. Funny thing is I expected more of a conversation on the matter and then a discussion of how we'd talk to the kids about it.

All he replied was the above about not becoming extreme, and "They [the kids] can just eat it. If they don't like it..oh well." And that was that. :)

So, to start some of the changes when I went grocery shopping this week I purchased some out-of-our-old-normal foods:

Then yesterday and today I did a complete clean up of the pantry. I tossed white pastas and threw out old boxed stuff that no one ever finished. There is still popcorn in there for him and the kids, and maybe occasionally for me, and there are some cereals and baking items, but I cleaned it up and got things back in order. I am going to try and keep less boxed snacks and canned items in the house and instead keep on hand more fresh foods for everyone.

Everything I cleaned out of the pantry went into that bag hanging on the door, and then directly to the trash. This is one of those little changes that really is a BIG change in my eating life. I'm even having to learn how to recook some items. If you're wondering why I didn't do this sooner I'll be posting about that later. :)

Honest Ponderings

Good morning, Folks.

I'm going to get it out in the open. I'm not motivated at all right now to lose the weight and some of the feelings of "I'll never be at goal weight." were creeping into my mind yesterday.

The weird thing is that I am in the process of making some rather big changes to my eating that includes changes for my family. My husband and I have been talking more lately on eating better and he is open to me trying some new healthier meals for our family and cutting out some junk.

This is a first for us and I know it's going to help. So, I do have moments that I'm so happy and excited about what's to come, but lately I am not in the mood so to speak.

One thing I do know is that there are some major changes cemented in my life. I have eaten out a lot this week with my family and I have maintained. I no longer pig out at restaurants and that is a BIG step for me. It's only recently that I am seeing this becoming the norm for me. I don't even desire to overeat at a restaurant anymore. This thrills me, but I know I can't stop here.

So, I'm still going. Today I am finishing up a project that I'll share with you later. I know these changes are coming from deep inside and I will see the weight come off....eventually. Right now I'm just not feeling it, so I'm having to make myself do things even if I don't feel like it.

Thanks for listening.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Out and About

It seems like forever since I posted, but really it's only been two days. My husband is home this week and next and has been needing the computer for a project he's working on. We've also been doing some fun stuff with the kids, so it's meant little time for me on the computer.

The scale isn't moving down, but it's not going up too much either. I'm maintaining, and honestly I'm okay with that for now. I've been changing little things and after a trip to help my brother next week I know I'll be able to get more on top of the eating.

In the meantime, I have been getting up and walking in the mornings and though the eating hasn't been "stellar" I'm hanging in there. I'm really enjoying this time with my family and just doing my best not to let any of those 31 pounds creep back on this week before TOM. I was hoping to see 195 by July 31st, but these past 10 days have been busy and weird. *sigh* and oh well...

I'll try to catch up on blogs and will check back with everyone tomorrow morning if I have time and hubby is too busy to use the computer. LOL

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Another Victory

Last evening our family time included a trip to the mall where I stopped in Christopher and Banks to look at some t-shirts on clearance. I needed a tan one and so I tried on one in a XL and .....

It fit!

Yes, for the third time this year I was able to buy a shirt in a regular area of a ladies' store in the XL. I'm finding more and more that a plus size 1x doesn't fit me correctly and a regular size XL is better.

It's these little victories that make me keep working towards my weight loss goals.

Monday, July 26, 2010

I'll Start Monday Tomorrow

On Saturday I was having a moment. I was slightly vexed with the gain, and dealing with some nagging feelings about things that need to change to help me. They weren't anything new, just things I've avoided doing for whatever reason we avoid doing what's best for us sometimes.

One of those changes is that I think it really is best for me to get up early to walk in the mornings. Yes, there will be times that it will be too cold, or it will rain, etc. etc. But for right now, in the middle of summer break, getting up to walk before starting my day is the best idea.

I actually had this idea back in May, but decided I wanted to be able to sleep in. Funny, how workouts just haven't been the same, even though I've enjoyed mornings sleeping until 7:30/8:00. Not so funny is how bummed it has had me to not get regular exercise in.

So, I called my faithful weight loss friend, Stephanie, and told her I was going to start getting up early to walk. I told her I am going to be accountable to it here on my blog, but I also needed to be accountable to a person as well. As always she spoke some wonderful words of insight and encouragement to me, and after I got off the phone I thought to myself, "I'll start tomorrow."

The thought went through my head that I could just wait and start on Monday, since 'tomorrow' was Sunday and we have busy Sunday mornings getting ready for church, but nope. I needed to start right away and I knew I could fit in a 30-minute walk if I got going by 6:30. No putting off until Monday what could start the next day. :)

Just to prove that I did indeed get up I took a picture of myself after my morning walk (yep, no makeup for this early bird...scary...). I actually did walk/jog intervals for at least 15 minutes, so the heart and lungs got a good workout as well. :) I had already wiped my face here...though it is cooler in the mornings it's still HUMID. whew.

I got up again this morning to walk, even though I stayed up late last night. It felt good when I showered later in the morning to know that my exercise was done for the day. In fact, my husband is home and we just made some spur of the moment plans to do something with the kids this evening and it's nice to know I don't have to worry about getting home to workout, or squeezing one in between now and then.

Oh, and my commitment is to do this at least five days a week for the month of August. I've already decided that if it's raining out I'll do a workout DVD in the house, but I will still get up and exercise. My hope is by the end of August I will be closer to having this set as a good habit in my life. :)

Have a great week everyone!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Weigh-In ... Not Much To Say

Average over last seven days is: 200.0

I have lots I feel like saying. I know why I am up. I didn't care many times this week about whether or not I needed a sweet treat, or a soda, or the hamburger. Could be TOM on it's way, so I'm trying not to get too vexed and work past the disconnected-from-weight-loss-journey emotions.

I've had lots of fun with some friends visiting and such, not worked out much at all, and the munchies and not caring about food proved to bring a two-pound gain.

As always, I'm not giving up. I just know that after a year of reading about weight loss, losing 30 pounds, etc. etc. I have no excuses that are valid - just excuses. I want to be an example and not an excuse for others, so I know what I need to do to be that.

Have a nice weekend and I will be back with better news next week. :)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Shoe Shopping

**warning, long, detailed post ahead -
I didn't want to forget anything**

For a few months I've been looking forward to the day I would go to a running store and get fitted for "real" running shoes. Basically, I got really excited for....nothing really spectacular. Don't get me wrong, the service at The Runner was wonderful, the man very knowledgeable and I will go back there when I need new shoes again, but I think I set myself up with much higher expectations.

I went thinking I would find out I overpronate and that's why my hip hurt. Then I would try on Sauconys and they would be so amazing I would feel like I was running on air.

First off, I don't overpronate more than normal, just barely. He said my shoes I came in with were just worn down and that was most likely the cause of my pain. I told him I just bought them in January and he said, "Yea, six months, that's about right." He asked how often I run and what kinds of distances. I explained, a little embarrassed, I have trained and run only one 5K and am a beginner. He stuck with his original comment that it's just about time for new ones with that kind of mileage put on my shoes.

He measured my foot and brought out four brands of tennis...in a half size bigger than what I was wearing. He explained the half step up was because I need room for swelling when I run. If I ran more than 5K at a time he would've gone up a whole step. (That's just plain interesting to me...these are details the mall people rarely know I'm sure.)

If I remember correctly he brought out Nike, Saucony, Asics and Brooks. I tried one on each food and each time the Nike felt better.

Yes, almost to my despair, the Sauconys were nothing more than another new running shoe and when compared to the Nike I kind of liked the Nike better. I told the salesman that I had expected to feel this amazing shoe on my foot when I tried the Saucony on and his take on it was, "These four shoes are basically all the same shoe, but by different makers. It's just a personal preference as to what will feel better on your foot, but they are the same in quality."

This is good, but I really had to fight through the thoughts of "Get Sauconys - everyone says they are awesome and they'll help you run better!!" In reality, the Nikes felt fine and I've worn and always preferred Nikes for years. The peer pressure was speaking in full force in my mind, but I had to stick with the reality that the Nike felt fine and the Saucony was no great step up - not for me anyway.

I even shared some of this thinking with him and he said I was smart to go with what feels better for me. Honestly, I felt better knowing he looked like he runs and he was wearing Nike. :)

So, I didn't have any great revelation or began walking on clouds with a new pair of shoes I'd never heard about until this past year, but my husband did.

He ended up having his feet checked because he suffers from shin splits EVERY time he runs and come to find out...he has BAD overpronation. Just standing the salesman kind of chuckled and said, "Oh yea. He's bad."

My husband who has had foot pain just with daily standing (but puts off getting orthotics) and shin splits even when barely jogging left the store with a pair of Brooks running shoes that look like orthotics. Though he HATED how they look he said they were the shoe that felt more stable of the two he tried on, and the salesman said that's what he needs.

The salesman was trying not to chuckle while watching my husband grimace at the look of the shoe. He said they call it "frankenboot", but they really do the job for people that overpronate as badly as my husband. I was laughing out loud, but kept encouraging my husband that he'll finally be pain free and can run again.

So, my husband said it's hard for his pride to think of wearing them, but knowing he will be able to run again makes it a little better. (I am going to tell him I read yesterday that Tricia got custom orthotics and can now wear nicer running shoes, so maybe he'll do that next time he needs new shoes.)

To sum it up, it was a good learning experience and I'm pleased with my purchase, though the exciting part was more for my husband than me. I simply learned that's I'm pretty normal and once again that peer pressure isn't always right. That being said, I will definitely go back to a running store when it's time for a new pair.

Oh, and I'll keep you posted on Mr. Frankenboot. :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Back In The Saddle, er, Nikes

Short Story: I am going to begin running again, and I have new shoes to prove it.

Long Story: After jogging my first 5K in April I began having pretty bad hip trouble when I would jog, so I quit. I've done other workouts, but nothing that involved running. It came to the point that I had decided about a month ago I would give up jogging for the summer for sure and maybe until I reached a lower weight, maybe 170. Then I would reward myself with new running shoes and try running again.

Then I went to the park one evening for a brisk walk for exercise.

There is something about watching people jog, walk briskly and finding myself walking very quickly easier than ever before that just pushes me to , well.... run, well jog in my case. :) I couldn't help it. Both nights last week that I went to walk in the park I told my kids I wasn't going to run, but I found myself doing some walk/jog intervals around the walking path because I couldn't stand it.

My hip didn't hurt, but I also was very careful to not overdo it. I told my husband after the second evening of doing this that I was thinking I'd like to run again. I hinted and suggested that it would probably be best if I got new shoes. He told me to wait until we could afford it and I was patient to do so.

Well, last Friday finances came in that made it possible for me to get new tennis and he promised to take me Monday to get them. (yes, I didn't have to wait long..whee!!) I'll be posting about that experience later. I left the running store on Monday with a brand new pair of Nike Zoom Structure Triax+ 13 shoes. Mine are gray and white with light blue, for those that are curious. :)

Today I used my new tennis to do run/walk intervals on the treadmill at the gym. They felt good and so far my body does as well. Stay tuned for more about how excited I am to get back into running!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sweet Birthday

Last Friday was my birthday and it was a very nice one. My family and I went out of town for a church function and stayed overnight in a hotel. We combined some family fun with the church function and it was great. They surprised me with some of my favorites from Bath & Body Works and Clinique's Happy perfume. :) We went out to a nice dinner at Red Lobster and I enjoyed my favorites without overindulging. I was full, but not stuffed.

I came home on Saturday to a mailbox with some more birthday cards and two packages with gifts. As the kids say, "SWEEET!!!"

Another sweet part of my birthday was a surprise that I received from the ladies at church Sunday morning.

In case you can't tell I was handed a huge basket filled with baked good and a recipe book with a dessert recipe from each of the ladies. The basket carried a sample of their recipe for me to try. The ring leader told me they were supposed to give her one serving of their dessert, but some had to bring me a full batch. She said she didn't think it was a problem since I have a family of five.

I was cracking up laughing as I looked through all the food:
  • Hurricane Delight - a mixture of chocolate cake, cool whip, nuts all drizzled with caramel - a cool whip container full.
  • Banana Nut Bread - a medium sized loaf.
  • Chocolate Cream Pie - an entire pie.
  • "Died And Gone To Heaven Peach Pie" - a slice for two people.
  • Strawberry Shortcake Pie - a slice for two people.
  • Brownies - four good sized sqaures.
  • Jell-o "Poke" Cake - a slice for two people.
  • Chocolate Dipped Cookies - two Ritz crackers with peanut butter spread between them and dipped twice in chocolate and hardened. - About two dozen of these.
  • No-Bake Cookies - half a dozen medium/large cookies.
There were also 3-4 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (my absolute favorite candy) tossed in a tin with some other non-food goodies as a gift from a friend of mine that morning.

I was so touched by the thoughtful act of putting together the recipe album with pictures and such because it will be a great memento to have when I move again. Plus, they did all this in secret and the surprise from all of them was totally unexpected. It brought me to tears to think of their thoughtfulness...

...and almost to more tears to think about all that food!!! LOL

Years ago I would have been in heaven at the site of all these goodies that were just for me. This time I could only laugh because it was like a thanksgiving dinner's worth of sweets all at one time.

How in the world did they expect me to eat it all????? Even with my kids and husband I knew it was going to take a while to work through it all and not overindulge every single day.

I've tested each food so to allow me to write a proper thank you and let them know how wonderful the food was. I took bites of each with the exception of the items with chocolate and peanut butter... I've had more than I probably needed of them on Sunday and some more yesterday. Then last night I packaged up about two thirds of it and put it in the deep freezer. If you look closely at the chocolate cream pie you'll see my one bite taken out. LOL

This was definitely a birthday to remember, both because of the wonderful gifts I received and because of this basket of sweets given while I was trying to be careful what I ate. :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

200's Anonymous

My name is Leah and it has been six days since I've seen 200 on the scale.

Yep, I can prove it by showing you on Wii Fit I weighed just under 200 lbs - AT NIGHT!!! I did a body check for the first time in 108 days (to be exact - LOL ) after I got home from my evening walk the other day. I was so tickled it was under 200 I had my son bring me my camera to take a picture. :)

Oh, and yes, now you all know my BMI, but you'll also notice that it's dropped a full point since the last time I got on here. Woo Hoo!

Since I seem to be staying under 200 for more than a day I guess I can go ahead and change my weight loss ticker down at the bottom of my blog to show my second weight loss goal of 170 pounds. My first goal was 199 and I feel confident that I've met that and can keep going now. Glory!!!

I hope you all have a great weekend! We have some fun family time plans scheduled. It's going to start by dropping off the girls for some volunteering and then my son and I going for a walk this morning.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Other Side of The Scale

I weigh myself daily. Ninety nine percent of the time I'm okay with whatever number shows up. Higher numbers don't depress me anymore. If the number is up I'm simply reminded to be careful about my choices. However, there is an emotion I do have to be wary of when that number is down. It's the happy feeling.

Yes, happiness on seeing a smaller number on the scale can be detrimental to my weight loss journey at times. You see, when I see a lower number I get excited, I think I'm doing so good and then for some unknown reason I allow myself a little more food that day.

It's sad, but true and as I write I am shaking my head with a sheepish smile on my face. It really is dumb thinking seeing as how I have about sixty pounds left to lose. To think that one good day means I get a treat?

This is actually a new observation for me. When I realized I do this I had a light bulb moment - Aha! Maybe if I see a lower number and just keep doing what I'm doing I'll see another smaller number tomorrow? (Go ahead, laugh, I am...)

I guess it's kind of like not letting myself have a free for all after I weigh in on Fridays, and instead staying focused through the weekends. I know. Amazing that when I began to be careful through the weekends the loss I saw on Friday was still there on Monday.

So, now you know one more thing I'm learning about myself in this journey. I'm getting it, s l o w l y but surely, and I'm finding all the pieces that will make up my wonderful new ending!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

One Batch Is Enough

My daughter made cookies today. She is learning to bake on her own so she made a single batch.

I can't remember the last time I only made a single batch of cookies. I've ALWAYS doubled the recipes, and would triple or quadruple them if we planned on sharing with anyone outside of the family.

As small as the batch looked - finishing up with 24 cookies cooling on two racks - I realized I was really okay with that little batch. That's plenty for us. We'll have a nice little home baked treat to last a couple of days and that will be all we need for now.

This, my friends, is when you know things are really changing deep down inside. It's a good sign when the overriding feelings in this situation are contentment and enjoyment instead of sadness and greed.

It's a non-scale victory to be sure and I'm so pleased with this progress.
p.s. This was her third attempt and they came out perfect. I shared a small one with her to make sure. :)

One Essential For Success

I've probably said this before, but after reading the comments from my insights post I was once again reminded why I blog.

Blogging truly is my weight loss journal. I come here to get my thoughts out, share victories and sorrows and I truly hope that if someone can see how my turtle journey is going and it encourages them not to give up, then I'm happy to share.

Comments like those left yesterday on my insights post are just the added blessing to blogging. They are also one of the reasons that I will keep it up.

Blogging is akin to going to a weight loss meeting for me. I can gain knowledge and be encouraged not to give up by those that share my struggles, either by reading comments or just following other people's journeys on their blogs. Someone told me that by following my blog they feel almost as invested in my weight loss journey as I am myself. :) It's a community that has become sort of vital to my success and I'm so grateful for it.

So, I said all that to say this....

....thank you dear blog friends. Your comments, once again and especially yesterday, were such a blessing to me. That's one post that I may have to print out just to remind myself of all the wisdom I gained from it - both in what I wrote and in your comments left.

Have a great day!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Shared Insights

After posting on Friday about the struggle I've been having with feeling like my mind is obsessed with food I spoke to two people who really have been a great support to me during this journey.

First off I talked with my mom. Weight has been an issue in both of our lives. I told her my frustration with feeling like my mind is consumed with food. She suggested that I realize food may always be a struggle in my life and instead of worrying about trying to get completely delivered from those struggles I learn how to handle them.

That actually really helped me. The perfectionist in me wants to be completely free of those thoughts. When I feel like I'm not getting to that point I feel like a failure. Instead if I realize my weight and food issues are something I'll probably always have to be conscious of I will see that I can gain control over them. Possibly gaining control and learning how to handle my emotions with regards to food will bring the deliverance I'm looking for.

I also asked my blog-friend and mentor, Diane, to look over my post and email me with any observations or thoughts she had. She wrote me later and shared something I had never thought of. She is also a Christian and shared that having a mind obsessed with food when one is in the beginning of a weight loss journey can be likened to when a person first becomes a Christian or when a person first begins dating their spouse.

She said, "Remember how you were probably "obsessed" with those things, but then as those relationships became cemented and stronger you were able to enjoy the relationships in context with your life? That's how I look at the weight loss journey. Yes, there may be times when you are a little bit obsessed with making good choices, but over time, those choices are part of who you are and will NOT take up that much time."

I had never thought about having a mind obsessed with food in that way. I guess in a way it's a healthy obsession. Kind of like my husband spending hours and hours studying and going to college for eight years is healthy if he's going to be a good dentist when he graduates.

So, I'm much more encouraged today because I've learned two very valuable lessons:
  1. I accept that my weight is an issue that I'll most likely always have to deal with, but instead of letting that idea vex me I will learn how to deal with the negative emotions when they arise.
  2. Taking time to learn what works best, journal out my thoughts and feelings, talking with people who can bring insight into my journey, etc. is all good. It's healthy to learn the most I can and strive to work towards reaching a place where my healthy habits are cemented in my life.
I do have to end this by saying that if you don't see daily posts on here please know it's only because I have had other things in life take up my time. I'm trying to make sure I make good use of my time on the computer and not waste away the hours on here....it's so easy for me to do. :)

Have a good day!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Maintaining and Goals

I still haven't figured out exactly what day I'm going to post my "past 7 day average" of weight, but I thought I'd check in today and let you know that my average over the last week is ...

199.5 .

Same as last week. Considering the 4th of July brownies and deviled eggs, er, food and TOM I'm content with maintaining.

I've decided that my in-the-back-of-my-mind goal is to shoot for losing five pounds each month. This is not set in stone, but I know that if I can simply lose that much each month I'll do better than 30 pounds over the next year.

Having said that, on rough days I think to myself, "If you only lose another 30 pounds this year, you'll have lost 60 and will only need one more year to reach your healthy weight of 140." I figure either way I'll win. :)

So, I will keep working towards my main goal of eating when hungry, stopping at satisfied, keeping moving and I think this will help the scale go down in the process.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Check Out the Giveaway - Or not...

Once again, I'm not telling you that Tricia has a cool giveaway going on at her blog Endurance Isn't Only Physical.

I won't tell you that if you click here you can find out how to enter. I also won't tell you that she is promoting these really cool headbands from Sweaty Bands, because I've always wanted to try them and see if they really do stay in place.

Like Tricia I also hate having those whispy hairs getting into my eyes and face when I'm working out. If I don't win this giveaway I may have to look into getting one of these for sure when I get back to jogging. I hear such wonderful things about them.

Well, I guess I'm being selfish, so here's my final offer ... if I win I'll tell you all how I like the headband, but if you win, please promise you'll come back here and comment on whether you liked it or not. Deal?

Okay, you can go enter now. :)

p.s. Steve, maybe you're wife would want one? I'm kind of nervous at the thought of you wearing one. LOL I couldn't resist saying that!! :D

Figuring Things Out

The past couple of weeks I've really been doing some soul searching in regards to my weight loss journey. I've read a few books and found some helpful advice in each of them.

I found the books by Jillian Michael's to be very intense and almost too overwhelming for me. I picked out what meat I could learn from and had to "spit" out the rest. Maybe someday I'll write a review of each of her two books I read. I'm really not in the mood right now.

The book I read by Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God, also had some very interesting and helpful insights. I honestly found parts of this more helpful than anything Jillian had to say for me and my situation. However, Geneen is very much into Buddhist thinking and meditation, which turned me off to probably ever reading another one of her books. I will keep what I gleaned from her in regards to breaking the emotional ties to food and leave it at that.

I think the best bit of advice I've received recently was directly from the word of God. I took this issue of having my mind obsessed with thinking about food to Jesus during a time of prayer and fasting that I participated in last week. Among other issues it is something that I've really needed to come to grips with.

One day I was lead to this scripture in the book of Matthew and saw it in a brand new light:

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" Matt. 6:25

I don't know if any of you can relate, but lately the more I think about wanting to really press on and go further in my weight loss journey the more my mind seems to think about food. It doesn't seem normal and I don't like it. I know there are other activities going on in my life, but if I'm not careful my mind is constantly leaning towards the kitchen; if not that then it's complaining about why do I have to eat better and exercise to be thin when others do not?

As I read that scripture I was really taken in by the concept "...is not the life more than meat...? "

My life doesn't have to be centered around food. This is something I'm really working on right now. So much so that I'm not even making sure I get all the fruits, veggies and water in. I'm only trying to eat when I feel hunger and stop when I'm satisfied, and I'm trying to get control over my thoughts so that my days are not consumed with weight and food.

I am not giving up on losing the weight, but I feel like if I can get control over this part of my life then everything else will fall into place. I know it is possible for God to bring deliverance in this area. As my mother told me once, I will work like it depends on me and pray like it depends on God.

I am cooking better and am trying to some extent to continue making better choices. It's actually kind of funny how allowing myself certain things/treats just doesn't feel good anymore. ie. after having some Coke a few times I wanted a glass of ice water. It was the only thing that sounded good to drink.

So, honestly, I wish I was so beyond all the emotional junk, but lately it's like a wall in front of me that I need to break down to continue on in my journey. I know how to lose weight. I know what works, so I will continue to keep that in my mind as I go throughout my days and try to figure the rest of this out.

I wish you all wonderful Fridays and good weekends. For those that are sharing successes on their blogs - THANK YOU! I've been reading them and it encourages me to not give up hope on myself. :)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Plodding Along

So, yesterday I blogged and had nothing spectacular to report. I was even feeling a little "blah" because I had no great accomplishment to share. Then I got to thinking...

This is exactly what I've been wanting in my weight loss journey. I want to come to a place in my life where food is not taking over every thought, every aspect of my day. I want to reach the place where planning meals and grocery shopping are just a normal part of the week, but where my thoughts are not consumed with thinking about stopping in the kitchen for a snack every time I pass by it.

As unexciting as it may seem on a day-to-day basis it's exactly what I want and need.

Also, I looked over some posts from last July (2009) and I was encouraged. I may feel like I'm plodding along in my weight loss journey lately, but in reality I'm doing pretty good. A year ago I had lost some and then gained until I was down to a -6 lbs loss, and I was struggling with the idea of eating healthier. I seriously didn't want to cook healthy. I was dealing with emotional junk and taking baby steps, but I refused to really dive into a new lifestyle.

Now I'm down 30 pounds and I'm looking for new ideas on how to cook fresh veggies and meats to provide healthier meals for both me and my family.

I guess I'm plodding along rather nicely after all. :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Helpful Hubby

We went out of town last Saturday and as we were driving we saw a sign for Dairy Queen coming up. I love Dairy Queen and a blizzard with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is my favorite treat.

I mentioned that we should stop and get some and hubby politely said, "hhmm.....". I didn't say another word about it.

As we drove by the kids asked to stop as well, but he did NOT stop. As he drove on past I was thinking to myself, "You don't really need that. [pause] It's probably a good thing he didn't stop, because you would've eaten more than you need and been vexed later that you ate when you weren't really hungry. Plus, if you had ice cream now you would not have been hungry by the time everyone else wanted dinner and then you'd feel like you were overeating some more."

I know this is rambling, but those were my thoughts.

When I got on the scale the next morning and saw 199 I was especially grateful my husband didn't stop for that treat. In fact, I was so grateful I thanked him verbally for helping me stay on track by not stopping for ice cream. He hugged me in return.

See my post below where I said I'm doing better than a year ago? Well, this is more proof of just how true that is. I didn't feel threatened (right word?) that he didn't stop for Dairy Queen. Instead I ended up being grateful for his help, whether he was trying to be helpful or not. :)

Simply Life

Well, it's been a regular few days. Nothing spectacular to report.

I feel the need to confesssay that I haven't worked out in over a week. I wasn't feeling up to it at all last week, for personal reasons, and I was completely okay with that. Then from Saturday until about Monday night we were busy with 4th celebrations. I may get a workout in this afternoon, but I'm not sure.

Honestly, I'm not too worried about it. I know I'll get back to it. I've been busy catching up on laundry after my machine was broken and then had to be replaced, but the mountain is slowly diminishing. :) We've also had visitors at our house and .... I started a good book. :)

I know those sound like excuses, but it is what it is.

Eating has been okay until the afternoons/evenings. Eating when hungry is good, unless you allow yourself to get so hungry you overeat and then realize afterwards it's only a few hours until dinnertime. I was able to "skip" dinner and serve it for everyone much later last night. However, I kept munching in the afternoon to the point that I still wasn't very hungry by the later dinner time. hhmm... That's something I'm working on.

I feel like we were on vacation and I'm just getting back to "normal" now. I know this is life, and it's all a part of the journey.

Have a nice afternoon!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Celebratory Thoughts

I have a few random thoughts to celebrate today.

First off, I showed my kids a picture of me from 4th of July last year and they said I should post a comparison photo on my blog.

July 2009 ...30 lbs and many workouts later... July 2010

Secondly, I received this in an email and just had to share it with everyone for a good laugh in weight loss blogland:

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

When all else fails, just tell someone this. It's bound to brighten any "bad" weight loss day. *GIGGLE*

And finally, I created and sent out a 4th of July digital scrapbooked card with photos of usto our friends and family in email and got these two compliments back:

"And might I mention that Leah is looking a little thinner in the face? "

"You look RADIANT and thin too!"

Now, you know that just helped to make my weekend even more special! Oh, and my average weight for the last seven days.... 199 lbs. :)

Have a great week everyone!

Let Freedom Ring! - Day 6 & Happy 4th!!

free·dom : 1 : the quality or state of being free: as a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another

in·de·pen·dence : the quality or state of being independent.

in·de·pen·dent : 1 : not dependent: as a (1) : not subject to control by others : b (1) : not requiring or relying on something else : (2) : not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct

Looking on the definitions offered by Merriam-Webster for these words I am more and more inspired by how these terms can be related to our weight loss journeys. Some of you agree and have shared your thoughts with us.

Steve said:
Freedom from a life shortened through unhealthy living.

Independence from those self-imposed limits I have lived with most of my life - self-imposed because they were my fault, limits because they truly limited me.

Losing weight will mean I will have the freedom from these insecurities that plague me. My weight is constantly on my mind, I think of my fat and my diet all the time. I can not wait for that freedom.

Christine said:
To me freedom in my weight loss journey is knowing that the power of the addiction has been broken by the power of the Lord Jesus and the only strength it has on me now is the strength I give it.

Nancy said:
I've found the biggest freedom in losing weight is the freedom in my head. I'm free from many of the negative voices that plagued me before. I'm happy when I eat. If I mess up, I know I'll recover quickly. I'm even free from the tyranny of food. What tempted me before doesn't even appeal any more. I can pass up almost anything.

And I'd like to finish it up by saying:
Among the above mentioned ideas, which all can be applied to my life as well, I have begun to find freedom from feelings of failure. Losing 30 pounds so far has shown me that I can make changes for the better. I am capable. I am not a failure. I can believe in myself to become the healthier Leah I've always wished I could be.
I can also reach these goals independently of what others think I should or should not be doing. I can adopt certain aspects of different plans and it's okay. If they work together for the greater good of seeing my health improve, then that is alright.

Thank you everyone for coming with me on this patriotic journey this week. Even if you just came to humor me, I appreciate it. I've enjoyed every comment you've left. I wish you all a safe and enjoyable 4th of July! One more time....

Not only for our great United States of America, but for each one of us in our health as well.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Let Freedom Ring! - Day 5

Today I want to introduce you to the person who became my mentor, someone who gave me hope, even though she didn't know me yet. About a year ago I came across Diane's blog Fit to the Finish and when I read her story I was so encouraged that she had not only lost 150 pounds, but kept it off for 12 years. It gave me hope.

Soon after that we began to correspond and she has been there with me through many ups and downs of this past year of my weight loss journey. I know she has found a freedom in regards to her weight loss journey and so I've asked her to tell you about it.

I’m so honored to have Leah ask me to write for her today. I have admired Leah since I first “met” her in blogging world. We have become Internet friends and I hope maybe one day we can meet in person!

She asked me to write something about Freedom From . . .

I immediately thought about being free from bondage to food. But the more I thought about that topic the more I felt dissatisfied. Was I really in bondage to food? When I weighed 300+ pounds, did food hold such sway over me that I was unable to break the chains? No. In my opinion, if food had me in true bondage I never would have been able to lose 150 pounds.

So Instead of freedom from bondage, I wanted to talk about freedom to choose. When I began gaining all my weight after I got married, I was free to choose how to live my life. And I chose to live my life in an unhealthy manner. I sat on the couch and ate ice cream. I choose not to exercise, and I chose to gain weight.

I chose.

When I turned my life around, I made another choice. I made the choice to stop my unhealthy habits, quit eating junk food all day long, and get out of my comfort zone and exercise. I chose the right path for me.

Every time I stood in front of my pantry, I had the freedom to make the right choice or the wrong choice. Every time I made the right choice, I felt myself get stronger and felt more in control of my fascination with food.

Every morning when I got up, I made the choice to put on my ugly exercise clothes and walk slowly down the road. I chose not to worry about what my neighbors thought, and chose to focus on what I knew would help me reach my goals and objectives.

Now, 12 years later, freedom means that the choices I make everyday keep me free from obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle. Those choices keep me free from guilt and keep me free from worrying about certain obesity-related diseases.

If you are struggling with your weight and sometimes feel like you are getting bogged down in the overwhelming number of choices there are along the weight loss road, take heart. Instead of getting bogged down, try and think of your choices as a way to gain freedom in your life. Diane

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Let Freedom Ring! - Day 4

Please join me today in celebrating freedom and independence once again by reading how Tricia's great success with weight loss brought freedom to her life.

July 4th is our country's Independence Day, but I will always see January 5, 2009 as my own personal "Independence Day". It's the day I declared war on my unhealthy lifestyle and liberated myself from a life of sorrow.
When Leah asked me to write about the "freedom" I've experienced through weight loss my mind started racing with ideas. So much change comes with 128 pound weight loss. I am now "free" to enjoy amusement park rides without the fear that I won't fit. I am now "free" to wear SHORTS and sleeveless tops and feel comfortable. I experience the "freedom" that comes with being able to comfortably walk down an airplane aisle without having to turn sides ways, and am further freed from every having to worry about the seat belt not fitting. I am liberated from the dread that comes when you sit down in a plastic lawn chair. I am now free to show my husband affection without fear of him being repulsed by what I had let myself become. And I now experience the independence that comes from being a runner.

While all of those things are important, they are simply small parts that make up a whole. Quite simply I am now free to be ME.

Of course I was the same person at 278 pounds as I am at 150 pounds, BUT now I'm FREE to show that person to the world. Its sad to say, but when I was obese I pretty much tried to hide from life. When we were in public, or at work events instead of engaging others I would try my hardest to blend into the background. I didn't volunteer my opinion on topics, didn't crack all those funny jokes going through my head, and didn't put myself out there to make new friends. I pretty much did everything I could to disappear.

I got tired of living in a self imposed prison. My morbidly obese body was the figurative bars that were holding me back from the world.

So I changed. I took small steps towards a healthy life.

And those small steps added up to great things....they added up to my own personal

I now have the freedom to live my life. And love it.