Today's Weight: 167.0
Loss/Gain: + 1.0 lb
I'm going to be completely honest... I woke up bloated and with menstrual cramps, having just begun my cycle yesterday, so I knew the scale wouldn't be pretty. It was up a pound from yesterday and I think that is all water settled in my middle. Kidding. Sort of. Ugh.
In all truth my self preserving, selfish, toddler side wanted to put 166 down as the official weight because I've hovered between that and 164 this month and that's what I weighed yesterday. But as I brushed my teeth I reminded myself that I've never put down a weight on my blog that wasn't true to the day I wrote it and I will not start doing that now.
February has been an interesting month for me. At the beginning of the month I was only 11 days post abdominoplasty surgery wherein the loose skin (and some flab) in my abdomen was removed and I was barely getting up to use the restroom and take little walks around my house. Now I am bathing by myself, cooking and cleaning pretty much like normal and even getting in some walking and jogging for exercise.
Along with going down the road to recovery from surgery I've had to take a few emotional breaks to begin working through the death of my mother, which occurred two days after my surgery. We made the trip to Arizona for her memorial service and while it was a good type of closure for me it wasn't until we got home that the reality of my loss really hit.
My mother was the closest person in my life, second only to my husband. While we haven't lived near each other for the last ten years we were in constant communication via email and cell phones. The grieving is easier most days now, but this past 12-18 hours has had me missing my mom pretty badly. I think menstrual-related hormones intensify things, but I also know that the realization that she is not coming back from some long vacation hits me at various times. I'm told her loss will not necessarily get easier, but easier to bear.
So, this month hasn't exactly been the easier, nor best one for me. I've noticed how my eating habits have been effected by some of the circumstances I've been dealing with and that has been very interesting to me. I've also been reminded of a few things as I wrap up this month ...
- I can not go back and change anything that did or did not happen in February 2014.
- If it seems I am not one who eats "perfectly" when going through recovery or loss I can not let that beat me up emotionally. I am Leah of My New Ending. I am not ____ of ______ blog.
- As my motto quote above states, I can not go back and change anything, but I can start again today to work on a better future.
- I will keep my weight down. There has been some overeating this past month which almost made me feel like I was going back to my old ways, but I caught myself and said no. I will never give up and go back to that lifestyle.
- I will get back into better physical condition...when I am completely healed. (I have internal stitching that has to heal before I'm allowed any intense exercise). Some days just cleaning the house and running an errand or two is enough to cause swelling in my abdomen and I know I still have to take things easy.
Most importantly this month I am reminded ...
- I have a great group of friends and relatives who are supportive and care about me and my family. I am truly blessed.
- I have a wonderful savior and Lord who continues to prove daily that He is a "present help in times of trouble".
Life happens and things don't always turn out the way we think they will. But there is a God in heaven who knows all things even before they happen and promises there is a greater plan for us than we can ever dream up.
February has been a learning month, but it is done and as I turn the page on my calendar tomorrow and see a fresh new month waiting I will look forward to another chance to make better choices and continue in my new ending of healthier, happier living.