As I'm reading through this book "Made to Crave" I've come upon some chapters where the author speaks of being careful not to let our desires for help be satisfied with food. We need to turn to God with our issues.
This is true.
However, I don't think I've ever been more than just a boredom/happy eater. I can't recall one instance where I was upset and went to the fridge or pantry for some food and then just ate away my sadness. That being said I sometimes have an issue with being told I'm turning to food instead of God to help me with my problems.
I think it's like anything, you have to eat the meat and spit out the bones.
And if you cough on a bone...well, then maybe you need to rethink things.
Like last night, for example.
My day was going pretty good. I had felt good exercising, been eating okay, got a pedicure and manicure done. Then I was SO TIRED. Darn that afternoon slump. I figured I'd take a little nap after I got the kids home from school and be fine for the evening.
I slept on the couch, while they did homework (lucky me with teens who don't ruin my house if I nap) and got up after about 35 minutes. I did not feel rested at all, but I had to start dinner so my daughter could eat before cross country practice.
My legs had also become sore from the workout earlier in the day.
And it was getting warmer and warmer in my house. (I've turned on the A/C today...it's currently 82 "feels like 89" outside)
And as I began preparing dinner I found myself snacking.
Then I ate two homemade tortillas with my dinner. Dinner was light, the tortillas not so much, but I hadn't made them in almost three years and didn't really think about what I was doing. I was still dragging.
As I was cleaning up the kitchen, feeling like I could go back to bed, I kept snacking on sweets. Just little bits here and there that add up. I know this, because I tracked all of it.
Then I got a text from my dad that he was on his way to bury my mom's ashes. Yesterday would've been their 40th wedding anniversary and he found a place they both loved to bury her remains and a closure of sorts to their life together.
Now my evening went from dragging to emotional.
And then it hit me. Food does not make any of these things feel better. In fact, when I was finally stuffed I realized I'd been munching all evening and when my family sat down to have the evening treat that has become a ritual around here...I was too full to enjoy any.
I didn't think much more beyond that until this morning when it hit me that I'd spent the afternoon/evening feeling sluggish and then sad and instead of cleaning up the kitchen as quickly as possible and getting out of there I munched and munched.
I still don't think I'm an emotional eater, normally, but there is definitely something there I need to address to stop this vicious cycle of overeating that seems to have crept it's way back into my life.
HHhhhmm.... This has me thinking. (I confess I think I may overdo it on the starchy carbs...and sugars of course recently.)
So, even though it frustrates me to feel like I'm starting all over (and I know I'm not, because many of my health thoughts are still changed for good ) I am posting this to share where I'm at and to acknowledge that this is something I need to think about.
Food needs to be limited to mealtimes for me right now and then sweets to once a day. My family is pretty good about only having the evening treat, so I'm going to make it a daily goal to wait for that treat time.
I also need to remind myself when I am tired or sad that food will not make those feelings get any better. They are what they are and I need to deal with them directly - by sleeping or crying if needed, but not by overeating.