Weigh-In ... What What I Thinking?

Today's Weight:  168.5

Loss/Gain:  +2.5 lbs.

Oh my.  I saw that number and declared quietly, "I'm not posting my weight today." and I started planning how I would either write about some exciting news, or skip posting entirely.

However, within an hour of weighing myself, and now two hours later, I decided I need to post the weight.  While I'm embarrassed to death of my behavior this past week I want to be honest.  In order to appreciate the efforts of getting back on track one needs to see just how bad it got. 

So here it is.  And here's why...

Short Story:  

I used a slightly stressful week as a ticket to eat in eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die[t] mode. 

Long Story:

Remember when you decided to lose weight?  Did you ever do the eat-everything-now-because-tomorrow-I'm-starting-my-diet kind of eating?  I've done it multiple times in my life and always kind of giggled, because the first big loss of the new diet was probably losing most of what I ate the night/week before I started the diet.  

Well, that's kind of what I did this past week.  Yes, *hanging head in shamed embarrassment* I even said out loud a couple of times, "Well, mommy is having this because after Friday (or "after the weekend"..I changed it up a couple of times) that's it.  It's back on plan for me!"  

Goodness gracious.  What was I thinking?  

I know what I was thinking.  I was thinking this week is rough, so I'm going to just not care, indulge in those things I don't allow myself very often and then I'll really start over and get back on track this weekend.  Or maybe on Monday..yea, that'll give me the weekend to continue indulging.  

Again...I'm so embarrassed to have to say that, but that's exactly where my brain was at most of this week.  

The good side is I wasn't in rebellion mode.  I wasn't like "I hate eating healthy, so I'm gonna eat junk and not care!!!"  I was just enjoying my chocolate Edy's ice cream with peanut butter mixed in and my Reese's eggs (not that monster one...though I came REALLY close to eating one), not tracking any of it and telling myself to enjoy it now because I'm starting back with healthier eating next week.  

And as much as I did enjoy those treats while they were on my tongue...my tummy has been angry at me.  As my weight today will confirm I wasn't just eating one treat a day.  I was eating them more than once a day and often when I wasn't hungry.  Sheesh. 

I know better than that.  

Which is why when twice this week I was praised for being such an inspiration "with your weight loss" I felt embarrassed.  "Oh, if only they knew what I was eating now."  I even ate snacks and wondered if my children noticed and were wondering what the heck is going on with mom?  They never acted like they noticed, but I still wondered because I knew I wasn't acting like my new self.

I can't say I necessarily felt bad though.  I just felt dumb, childish.

But you know what?  I'm not the only dummy in the weight loss world!!  Woot! 

As I read through various bloggers' posts this week I realized, for the umpteenth comforting time, I am normal.  For most of us who struggle with our weight it's because we love food and have a hard time enjoying it in a healthy way.  Plus, many of us are cursed with slower metabolisms...pausing for effect...because we all know there are people who eat worse than us and never gain a pound (I just had to get that off my chest because it's true.  Thank you, I feel better now.  lol)  

But I digress...

Slow metabolism or not, this week I've rediscovered something I need to work on with regards to my weight:  Not allowing life's rough patches to throw me from my healthier habits. 

So, that's what I leave you with today.  I am normal.  I still have issues with food.  And while I am rolling my eyes at how dumb I acted this past week I know it was not with a quitting attitude.  One of my deepest desires in losing weight was to break the addiction to food, to enjoy food in a healthy way;     maybe not always the healthiest choices, but always in moderation.  

Losing 60+ pounds so far has given me the gift of seeing I can be a different Leah and I want to keep that.  This past week has taught me that I will need to work on keeping to my new healthier eating habits even when life gets stressful.  And I will work on it, because....

I will never give up.  :)

Thank you for stopping by and I hope you have a nice weekend.  Come back Monday for some exciting news and my first ever giveaway!