My Current State of [Healthiness] Mind - Part 1

Where to begin?  There is no summing up in a few short sentences where I'm at right now with regards to my health, so this is going to be a long post.  Honestly, I don't expect everyone to have the time to read this, but I need to get it out.

My blog has always been a sort of journal about my weight loss journey, so I'm journaling...because some day I hope to look back and thank the Lord I got through this rough patch in my healthiness journey just like all the other times.  I feel I've fallen off my proverbial health path, but I am getting back up.  That is success in my book.  :)

..........

You see...

In the eight weeks since my abdominoplasty surgery I have learned more about myself and my thoughts towards food and I'm not really happy with what I'm finding.  I don't quite understand it all, but I do know that "eating less and moving more" was easier when...

A) I could still eat whatever I wanted and as long as I ate less I lost weight

and

B) I could still eat [less of] whatever I wanted because I worked out hard enough that even cutting calories a little resulted in weight loss.  (And I might add training for a half marathon allowed me, even required me, to eat much more...and not gain weight, while also toning up more than ever before.)

Unfortunately, A + B is not really working for me right now.

Prior to my surgery I had sort of a plan so I wouldn't gain weight during my recovery and subsequent break from intense exercise.  I went as far as to set out my protein shake mix on the counter along with my shaker with the intention of making those easy and convenient meals while my family was gone during the day.  My husband and girls would take care of dinner and I even bought some microwave meals for lunch on days I wanted a warmer meal.

But then we had "inclement weather" which lead to my family all being home and my husband cooking more than just dinner.  Now, at first I ate whatever he made and I actually lost some weight after surgery.  I was thrilled.  I wore my body media band and saw that I was still burning a lot of calories even though I was recliner-bound for most of the day.  My husband made yummy, pretty balanced meals and I ate small portions.  I also wasn't snacking between meals, but I was also having dessert nightly.  It was really nice.

Then somehow my brain started reverting back to old eating habits.

Folks, I'm really not sure how it happened.  Was it due to the stress of my mother's death, planning her service, flying to attend her service all while trying to heal from surgery?  Was it eating "non-diet" foods and seeing my scale lower that made me snap?

I'm really not sure.  Seriously.  All I know is I went from eating these "regular" meals to adding in the extra snatches of junk as soon as I was up and about -- mostly upping my sweets and starchy carb intake -- and caring but not caring.  I knew I needed to be careful, but it's almost as if I lost my desire to eat healthy.

The few days I have exercised over the past two weeks I find myself wanting to eat healthier, so I think there is a correlation in there somewhere.  It's like the lack of exercise made me feel lazy with regards to my eating habits too.  At the same time, I have also had moments I simply did not want to return to "dieting", even though I knew I needed to get back on track.

It has been most frustrating.

For the first time since I began losing weight almost five years ago I have now seen what it is to become fairly fit and healthy and then begin to lose some of that.  My muscles have lost muscle tone from the lack of consistent, intense exercise, but more importantly I've really struggled with wanting to eat healthy.

It's almost as if I used the fact that I would lose some muscle tone from the exercise restriction as an excuse to overeat.  This is almost embarrassing to admit, but I found myself saying "I'll get back to regular, intense exercise by May, so I may as well enjoy these extra bits now while I can."

Fortunately, I have not enjoyed how I'm feeling beyond the temporary satisfaction certain food choices have brought.  I feel a bit out of control.

Let me rephrase that... I was feeling a bit out of control.

Over the weekend I made the choice to get back on track to lose the extra weight I've put on and gain back the confidence healthier food choices bring to my life.  There is no magic plan.  I will simply get back to the basics.

This week I plan on making some re-committments and sharing more about my hopes, plans and dreams as I continue on in my new ending in life.  Because as you all know...I refuse to quit.

Thanks for stopping by!