Moved to Tears

Yesterday was just one of those days.  In fact, this week started off a little rough emotionally for me for reasons having nothing to do with my health.  Thank the Lord it's not anything as traumatic as death or another accident, but just little upsets that nagged at me. 

Add to that the fact that I have been struggling to "get back on plan" or face the fact that I need to "diet" again to lose these ten pounds I've put on and my exercise plan for the summer isn't going as planned and I keep comparing myself right now to where I was a year ago and... blah blah.  You get the picture.  

It finally all added up to an evening with tears off and on.  I just decided to let it out.  Sometimes crying makes everything better. 

Thankfully, my girls are out of town and my son had a friend over, so they spent the evening in his room and I had liberty to cry while cleaning up dinner.  I also had the liberty to talk with my husband about my frustrations for a good hour after dinner and he had the good sense to come and give me a hug reminding me that I'm not fat (see previous post) and that he never thinks of me as fat. 

I sniffed into his shirt, "I'm afraid you'll think I'm a quitter..." 

"I know you're not a quitter," he replied, "and I'm not worried you're going to gain all the weight back." 

[Deep sigh, wiping tears into kitchen napkin]

"Okay.  Thank you." 

And suddenly I felt a little better.  

So maybe my plans to attend my favorite HIIT classes three mornings a week this summer got sidelined after my daughter's cross country coach planned practices for the same time, and she can't drive herself because she doesn't have a license yet. 

And maybe I'm vexed because even though I knew I wouldn't be emotionally able to train for a half marathon, I am now seeing the reason I was so toned last summer was because I was running long distances three days a week and I wish I was that toned now.  

And maybe I'm realizing the way to get off the ten pounds I gained between last November - April is by cutting back calories, basically "dieting" just enough to lose that weight and go back to maintenance mode.  

And maybe that can all pile up to one large plate of depressing.  If I let it.  

However, one thing I heard repeatedly at the bible conference we attended this summer was "It's not what happens to you, it's what you do with what happens to you." 

So, I had a cry.  I was honest with my husband.  I had a great, long phone call with my weight loss BFF who is also struggling, ahem...learning.  And then I finished up the evening perusing the motivational quotes I had pinned on my "Health" board on Pinterest to motivate me.  

And I was inspired. 

Life is not always easy.  For me, letting out how I'm really feeling, even if it means crying, is very helpful.  My tears and conversations yesterday did not change any of my circumstances, but they allowed me to express myself and I was not judged for it.  (There's an entire post subject for another time...)  

And I was encouraged.  I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of ability.  I am not a failure and I will keep going one day at a time.  

Because I will not give up.  I know I feel better living a healthier life and I will continue to stay the course, even if I have to dodge a couple bullets along the way.

Oh, and I think I need to make magnet out of this quote I had pinned...