Recuperating and (Re)Focusing

Well, look at that!  August is here.  We knew this summer would be a busy one and, indeed, it has been.  Grab a cup of your favorite beverage...I have a bit of catching up to do.  

Moving daughter #1 to her new college hometown went well.  Saying that final goodbye was so hard, but not because I wasn't happy for her or excited at her opportunities ahead... The night before her sister and I would leave to return home I felt nerves and anxious like the night before a race.  

I texted a friend and said I feel like I do before a race, "Just get me over the start line and everything will be fine."  I just wanted to get over the actual "goodbye" and then I felt I'd be fine.  

Bye for now!

And I was.  And I am.  

Oddly enough, the hardest part about the first week with her gone was catching up on sleep.  I was exhausted last week.  It's like I needed a vacation to recoup from the vacation.  I guess stress will do that to you.

But she is nicely settled and I feel more like my normal self now.  It's been fun hearing about her adventures with friends and sending and receiving texts about things, like what to wear to the job interview.  She got the job, by the way.  Woot!  We won't have to pay for gas and groceries for much longer.  lol 

And now I'm settling down into as much a routine as one can when there's another child to move to college and a move for our own household in the works.  

My son tried capturing this beautiful sunset as we went to look at an apartment one evening.

Yes, as if there isn't anything else for me to to, we've decided to downsize and use what we'll be saving in rent and utilities to pay off some debt.  We also want to start looking for a house to buy.  This is a first for us and I'm excited about the process.  The best part, for me, is since we'll be downsized and be paying off debt, if the house buying process takes a while I won't mind, because we'll be using that time to continue to pay off debt. 

You can tell I'm excited about this debt-paying thing since I've mentioned it like four times in the last paragraph.  LOL  :D 

I'm also excited to get more focused on my weight again.  

I'm lying. 

I actually teared up in fear yesterday talking to the new WW leader after the meeting.  She is a spunky leader with a story very similar to mine and when I told her I didn't raise my hand at her, "How many of you will make it to goal weight?" [insert rah! rah! 120% positive enthusiasm] 

She asked why and I explained, "Because I can't imagine weighing 145 pounds."  I explained I had maintained 160-165 for a year and a half, but the thought of getting any lower just frightens me.  As I shared the latter I felt this wall of fear creep up to protect my heart and emotions.  

I'm good at sharing my story and not being nervous, accepting failures come, etc. etc., but my heart started pounding a mile a minute as I spoke with her.  We agreed the battle is in the mind and I just looked at her with a nervous smile and said I would work on speaking positive words.  

On my way home I also added, "Take it one day at a time."  When I started with WW back in April I told myself my goal was to get through one day, and then through the next day.  Each day added up and I saw regular losses.  

Unfortunately, I'm still not good with juggling staying on plan and planning graduations and moving, etc.  I know it's a laziness of sorts, but I also think it's a space thing.

I only have the capacity to focus on so many things at once.  But before I go on about how I working through choosing what to focus on, just be assured I am including my health at the top of that list. 

While fear of failure may threaten to overtake me when I think about reaching a weight loss goal, the fire of determination that I refuse to be 232 lbs again is still there.  Pushing me on.  

Because, if you've been around here for any length of time you already know...I. refuse. to. quit. 

So, here I am.  Living well, enjoying my summer that will fall in the books as unforgettable I'm sure.  And if you made it this far... kudos and I hope you enjoyed your beverage along the way.  [grin]

Thanks for stopping by!