Back to Square One

Last night I talked with my husband about my frustration with my weight. He seemed a little confused about why I wasn't doing well and I know it's probably because he doesn't see me eat much. I haven't been pigging out on meals lately and I'm exercising four to five days a week. Then he asked when and what I was eating. I had to finally confess to him that I munch a lot between meals (when I'm not doing "good" obviously) and he just sat there.

I told him, "You know I watch "so-and-so" come to church and barely make it. They saw some great changes at the beginning, but they struggle so much. It's like..."

He interrupts me, "Because they won't let go of the past. That's the problem. They wanted to get better, but they didn't want to let go of certain things that have kept them bound to a lifestyle they were living before. "

"Yep, and that's my problem."

Husband: "You won't let go? What? Of food?" (almost grinning)

"Yep.", I reply.

We talked for a few more minutes, and I was glad to be able to open up a little more to him about this. I told him that appetite suppressants and energy stuff look so appetizing to just see the weight go quickly and regularly, but I know I have issues that go much deeper than simply not being hungry.

I know when I'm hungry and when I'm not, but it doesn't stop me from eating. He explained that he may seem to eat a lot, but he rarely eats outside of mealtimes and I know this is true. But I'm not like that. We talked more and I told him I'll just keep working on my issues and I'd rather spend money on good food than costly pills that won't solve the deeper issues. He agreed, gave me a hug and was wonderful.

Today I've been thinking more on this issue....

I'm not tempted to go to bars, to have a cigarette or do anything along those lines when I'm bored, upset, angry or even really happy, but I am tempted to eat for all of those reasons and more that have nothing to do with true hunger.

This is what I am working through right now. It's why I've chosen to follow the insights of the book Intuitive Eating. Some of you may have noticed that one of the authors of this book commented on my blog a couple of weeks ago. She suggested I go check out the audio version of the book as it has some helpful practices to go through.

This morning I did just that. I borrowed the audio CDs from my local library and I've listened to the first one already. I must tell you that I almost feel like I'm starting back at the beginning again. I have a lot of the ideas down, but there is so much more I have to work through.

I was doing well with the intuitive eating process before my cycle hit last week, so I'm hoping I'll bounce back into it quickly. However, just listening to one CD this morning made me realize that I have some attitudes that still need adjusting. I have habits and thoughts from my "past life" that I desperately need to let go of.

Please bear with me as I continue on my journey. I am not giving up and, by golly, I will see my way to a healthier weight and healthier attitudes towards food. :)