I am out of town today. I'll be posting my weight next week.
Be Right Back. :)
Monday, June 24, 2013
I have to share my new outfit I wore yesterday. I've been wanting to try red lipstick (after seeing my lovely sister-in-law's vintage makeup when she was staying with us), so when I was given a new outfit I just knew it was time.
I paired the dress with some red shoes I bought last fall, a new necklace and some red lipstick. What fun!! I was a tad nervous, but received compliments and was told I pulled it off well. Yay!
Being a mother of two teens and an almost-teen I try and be careful that as I lose weight I don't try things that may fit me, but are ridiculous for my age. Of course, I did have my kids young, but still... I try and behave myself...most of the time. :) They approved of the red as well, so it was win. win.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Today's Weight: 168.5
First off, yes it's Saturday. We've had a very busy week and when I saw that number on the scale I was pretty upset. I was also exhausted from the week, so after dropping my girls off at a camp they're volunteering at I went back to sleep on my couch. I know I needed the rest because I slept for two hours.
Then I had to get on with my day and never did get a chance to posting my weight. A gain is not usually something you want to squeeze into a busy day to share, right? :) The good, if there can be any is that TOM arrived a day or two before, so it does explain things.
The bad is that it added to a recent frustration of mine.
I am physically right between a size 12 & 14 at most stores, which is vexing when I think if I'd lost another 10 pounds (instead of gaining 5 lately) I could fit easily into ALL 12's. Then I had a breakdown in a parking lot. But...I did find something that fit. Glory!
I am right in between a size 14 and size 12. All size 14's are comfy loose on me and most size 12's are just a tad too tight. Some 12's and mediums fit, but not all. I know this because I need a pair of denim capris for a performance coming up, so I've been trying on clothes lately. And for the first time in a long time shopping has been a vex, because all of the 14s are too loose -- as in, "I'm not spending money on something that's loose to begin with because I do plan on losing at least another 10-15 pounds..even if I don't make it to 140." ugh.
So, it was with that shopping history, time to shop as all my kids were away for the day yesterday that I wake up to see the scale is 1.5 higher than the day before. Add to that sleep deprived and I wasn't doing to hot.
Even after the extra sleep and showering I was not feeling my best. In fact, I had to make a decision that I can not let the fact that I (as I see it) haven't done my best to lose more weight, so I can fit in a size 12 comfortably in time for this performance affect my day.
I decided I'd go to Goodwill first to look for some capris. No luck there, so I made my way over to Kohls, because I know their Sonoma + Life brand always fits my more curvy bottomed self the best. As I was driving over I made a lady mad when I didn't stop fast enough for her family crossing the parking lot. I was going maybe 5-10 mph and didn't see their family until just before they were crossing into my half of the lane, but I stopped plenty of distance away from them.
I understood her being a little upset, maybe scared I wouldn't have stopped, and mouthed a quick apology. It's wasn't an almost hit and run, nor did I come even close to hitting her family. She looked at me and I could read her mouth saying "That girl wasn't going to stop." yada. yada. Now, folks, I'd feel the same way, but it'd been a rough morning. I felt bad and kept going, after they crossed and I passed by them she looks over her shoulder again at me with attitude and I just lost it.
I started crying as I went to park and then I sat in my car crying. Not being able to fit into a size 12 jeans is nothing to cry over, but when it's just one more thing and then (pardon me) I had cramps and am going through other things...I'd just had it.
There are people dying in the world. I have family with sickness that has not gone away. There are worse things going on than my life, but it just wasn't a good time for some lady to look at me like I was a spoiled brat who wasn't concerned with her family's safety. (Like I said, I hadn't even come close...who knows...maybe she lost some in an accident in a parking lot. I don't know. All I know was that was it for me.)
So, I sat in my car Kohls parking lot and I prayed and cried, and hoped no one would ask me if I was okay. I knew I would be. Thankfully, as I just let the tears flow for a couple minutes and cried out to God with my frustrations He brought peace. I read over my husband's amazing words of encouragement (I have it on my phone as a reminder..) and reminded myself that this is life and it's going to be fine.
I gathered myself together and went in to Kohls where I was very excited to find the capris I like on sale for $19.99. I grabbed both a 12 and 14 to try on, tried on the 12 and they fit perfectly. I also grabbed a cute tawny solid colored T and found a pair of red shoes similar to Toms marked down to $12.99 from $44.99. I'd been wanting some red casual shoes like those, so I was thrilled with that as well.
In fact, it was like a little bit of blessing in that changing room as I was reminded that the scale might be up a little, but I'm not 231 pounds again. I am on the verge of being able to buy 12's at all stores, and thankfully I picked a good one to shop at yesterday. I was able to find what I need for my performance without having to settle for spending money on something loose. Now I know my $20 will get put to good use.
So, I said all that to say this...I am still fighting the fight. I'm learning that running makes you stronger, but it's easy to eat too much when burning large amounts of calories on certain days (another post for another time).
I'm also very grateful I can come share this honestly on my blog. Sometimes I may need a journal for moments like this, but sometimes I want to share the blunt honesty of where I'm at. Then others will know that I do have horrible days, that I am upset when I see the scale fluctuating and that I do have to make a decision whether or not I'm going to allow the number on the scale to make or break me.
No, I will not. I do want to lose more weight. I was afraid taking on the half marathon would push my weight loss to the side, but I decided to do it anyway. I am learning that my body is still my body and weight loss doesn't change saggy skin or poochy parts, but with clothes that fit my body shape it's fine.
I don't want to go on anymore, but I do appreciate you allowing me to get this out. This is me in real time. I won't quit. I did look over all my food journal last week and see what I could've done differently. I can do this and I will try, one day at a time, one choice at a time.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Do you see the numbers in the bottom right corner of my Garmin?
Those are the miles I ran Saturday morning.
I'm still in awe that my legs carried me that far.
In awe that God has brought me this far; that he's helped me reach the point where I wasn't nervous about the 8 miles that I was scheduled to run, nor to go ahead and finish up the run even though I knew I was going to hit 8 miles well before I reached my house.
And I'm reminded once again that it simply takes one step forward to make change and if we'll step out of our comfort zones who knows what opportunities lie ahead?
Four years ago I had no intention of becoming a runner. I simply wanted to get healthier.
Then on a random day in December 2009 I decided to see if I could run a mile at the end of my walk on the treadmill. It took me 16 minutes and I thought I was going to die.
When I finished I was so proud of my accomplishment. I remember calling my friend Stephanie and telling her I ran a mile. I was ecstatic!!!
And I think I caught the running bug that day.
Three and a half years later I'm still texting my running accomplishments to Stephanie, but now it's multiple times that first mile. And while I'm not as fast as I'd like to be, I've shaved 4-5 minutes off that mile time depending on how hot it is. :)
God is good.
p.s. Oh, and I realized as I was stretching Saturday that I just ran almost 3/4 of my half marathon. You know, I may not run it as fast as I wanted to, but I know I will definitely be able to finish it. Glory!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Today's Weight: 167.0
Loss/Gain: + 1.5
Earlier this week I wanted to post about why I track my food. We had a party-filled weekend and I didn't track any of the food. I find I don't track food when I eat too much, or too many little things "here and there". I usually make myself get on the scale Monday morning to check where I'm at after the weekend.
It was higher than 167 and I thought to myself, "THIS is why I track my food."
When I don't track my food I tend to overdo things worse than if I was writing it all down. I say that, because tracking doesn't mean I'll stay within my calorie budget, but at least I'm aware of how much over I'm going than if I don't track.
I hope that makes sense.
Unfortunately, my weekend days last weekend started out well, but didn't end up all that great. So, when I was back down to 167 by the end of the week I was glad I had gotten the party weekend back under control.
OH...and this was a huge mistake, but had I decided not to track my food I never would've known the truth behind what this Medium Peanut Butter Hot Fudge Shake cost me calorie wise.
|Serving Size 570g|
|Amount Per Serving|
|Calories 1260||Calories from Fat 710|
|% Daily Value*|
|Total Fat 79g||122%|
|Saturated Fat 40g||200%|
|Trans Fat 0g|
|Total Carbohydrate 124g||41%|
|Dietary Fiber 2g||8%|
|* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calories diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.|
We stopped for 1/2 price shakes after church Wednesday night. I knew I didn't really need one, but I didn't think it was going to be this bad. Seriously. The joy of getting cheap shakes was ruined when I found out I doubled my calorie intake in one glass of sweets. Oh my.
No matter how good it tasted it was not worth 1,260 calories. Not right now. Lesson learned.
Thanks for checking in folks. Have a nice weekend!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Well, hello, if you happen to be leaving for work earlier this morning you might have seen me out running. Yes, it is the first day of summer break for my kids and I did get up at 6:35 to run 5 miles today.
I was that lady.
It wasn't 4:30 or even 5:30, but I was up early to get a run in before it got too hot. As I write it's 5:00 pm and I can't believe I actually did it. :)
The hardest part was actually getting up. The weather had said there could be thunderstorms, and I was kind of hoping it was pouring rain out so I could sleep in a little longer, but there weren't. There was plenty of cloud cover which made it nicer than it would've been otherwise.
You see, 73 degrees doesn't sound so bad, but with 80-90% humidity it's yucky for running. At least for me it's not the best. If the sun is out, it's worse. I learned this on Saturday morning when I went out for my run at 7:15, had to run 7 miles, which took 1 hour 24 minutes and came home wondering how the heck I was going to make it 13.1 miles in heat and humidity.
The race I'm training for begins at 7:00 am towards the end of September. I think it will be cooler then, but I'm not sure. So, part of me (the lazy, I'd-rather-sleep-in-a-little-longer part) says it might be a good idea to start my long runs at 7:00 am to get my body acclimated to running in the warmer temperatures. (Also, because I see people running when it's 80 degrees out, so surely I can get used to running in the warmer temperatures, right?)
Then I go and run when it's warmer and I wonder if that's such a good idea after all.
In my couple years of running I've learned I run better in cooler temperatures. My husband is the opposite. He hates running the cold and says it's actually harder for him, but I thrive on the colder temperatures. The few warm runs I've had so far have reminded me that I don't do well in the warmer temps. My pace slows up and then my brain feels horrible knowing I'm running slower. This past Saturday my brain also asked, "WHY did you pick a race that would require training through the summer?!?"
Um, I'm still deciding the answer to that one. lol Okay, because it's local and it's supporting the military..that's why. :)
Anyway, I'm learning a lot about my running, what works best for me and how tackling something like running 13.1 miles is going to take more than preparing for a 10K. I feel I'm off to a good start and I look forward to seeing what works for me along the way.
Note: Again, I'm using the Another Mother Runner Half-Marathon: Finish It Plan
Friday, June 7, 2013
Today's Weight: 165.5
Loss/Gain: - 3.0
Let me see if I can put what I'm feeling into words today...
My family has been going through something that I'm not at liberty to share on my blog. It's personal. It's not life threatening, but it has proven to be life changing. It has also proven to have more of an impact on me and my weight loss journey than I imagined it would.
I have been up five pounds since the beginning of this situation and while I told myself over and over "Food is not the answer" I found myself losing the motivation to keep going. It's like I thought this situation would be more like a footnote in volume 2013 of my life story, " *Oh, and yes during all of this ______ was occurring."
Instead it has become full chapters at times. It has made me face some fears, deal with weakness and dig deep to see just how strong I can be.
To put your mind at rest, we have not lost anyone or anything dear and precious to us. Which, in fact, is what made it so frustrating at times. My life is still pretty easy, with the exception of this one thing. I'm a blessed woman, which is why it was tearing me up that I had days I couldn't seem to handle things.
I was frustrated that this situation was starting to take a toll on my weight loss journey. I had a feeling it might affect my weight loss, so it wasn't completely unexpected; however, I had hoped I had broken through enough emotional walls with regards to my weight that I'd be fine.
And I have been fine...until the last week or so. As I'm sure you must have noticed on my blog.
So, while I had turned to God and a dear friend with my issue I finally opened my heart completely to my husband. I decided I could sit around and wait for him to read my mind, or I could tell him I need some encouragement as I felt only he could give.
We've had this little inside joke lately about him putting on his superhero cape to come to my rescue for various little things like putting the garage door on manual mode, so I told him I needed him to put the cape back on and please help me. I explained how I'm up five pounds, how I'm frustrated and I REFUSE to gain any more weight. I was open to any encouragement, but also to any firmer words he might feel were needed to help me refocus.
I won't share every detail of the conversation with you, but suffice it to say he spoke words that were a balm to my frustrated soul. There was a perfect blend of tenderness and encouragement to encourage me to keep going. He reassured me he would love me no matter what size I am. And he called me an athlete. Me...an athlete. :) He suggested I'm only in a slump, like many athletes go through, and I will come out of it.
When the conversation was over I was anchored again in the things I know to be true about where I am and where I've come from with regards to my weight loss journey. I was not taken by surprise by the current situation, but I have been very humbled by it at times. It is bringing out some things in me I have not had to deal with before. It's forced me to look at my healthiness journey in a new way as well, because I'm having to decide if I will let hardships throw me off track.
After this conversation with my husband, and with my friend a week or so ago, I was reminded that I will not, can not, be thrown from the track. I refuse.
I refuse to go back to the overweight, inactive woman I used to be.
I am not her anymore, and I never want to be her again.
I was also reminded that this is MY journey and I have to work on it in the best way for me.
So, I decided to take it a day at a time. I knew I couldn't go 110% with my eating and exercise, but I decided I could do my best one day at a time. This past week my goal has been to simply make it through each day. I think over my day and decide what is one thing I will or will not do that will help me health wise.
One day it was to not have any dessert at a graduation party. The other days it was to stay within my calorie budget. One day it was to stay within the calorie budget and make sure I left 170 calories in the budget for a greek yogurt snack I knew I would want later in the evening.
This has been working for me. After so many weeks of emotional roller coaster rides I have reservations about saying "Oh yea, baby!! I'm back!!!", but I can tell you with a quiet reassurance I am here. I am pressing forward and day by day I know I'll get to my goals. Losing three pounds this week is scale proof.
It's not over.
Thank you for checking in and for listening.
Monday, June 3, 2013
As I ran 6 miles on Saturday I had moments wondering if I'd really be able to run 13.1 miles in September. Then I remembered when I used to wonder how I was going to be able to run 6.2.
I simply took it a day at a time, followed the training plan and when race day came I was ready. So, I'm sure I'll be fine this time around too. :)