Saturday, May 29, 2010
I have felt guilt and self-abhorrence ever since then. I haven't had water in three days and have let the fruit stay in the fridge instead of eating it.
The sweets have entered my body much more than necessary and this morning was the final pieces that broke the camel's back, so to speak. Well, at least I hope they did...
Funny how what was once a habit that we laughed about, "Cake is great on Saturday mornings for breakfast!" now makes me sick, both physically and emotionally.
I almost didn't post about it, because I'm not proud of myself, but I know I'll feel better getting it out in the open. If nothing else, I'm honest in my journey towards my new ending.
So, in the atmosphere of honesty floating about let me say that being back at my parents has brought me to feeling like the "old" way of eating. Yet as I watch my mom I'm noticing that she doesn't eat like we used to. She has watched her portions and her sweets and drank lots of water daily. I keep thinking, "This is why she lost 40 pounds in half the time it's taken me to lose 32.
This means I have no excuse for not eating better on this trip. Yes, people have been bringing sweets with every dinner they bring for us and it's very nice, but it doesn't mean I have to eat all of it. I usually have something sweet at my own home, but I had reached a point where I was able to not need or desire it, except once monthly.
Having this feeling of no control again is starting to vex me. I'm going to use the afternoon and next day to try and figure out why I'm doing this and get a handle on it. Falling back into the old habits has not been comforting at all. They have only left me feeling yucky, and I don't like it one bit.
Thanks for "listening".
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
So, here's a challenge idea I like for the summertime and I've officially joined up with it. Below you'll see the rules and the goals I've set for myself. I'm sure you'll recognize most of them. :)
No More CHUNKY DUNKING, time to skinny dip!
(disclaimer...that is NOT my goal, I promise. LOL -Leah)
The challenge will be from May 24- Aug 23.
My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds during the summer and workout 30 minutes or more 4 days a week. Starting weight is 199.0
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
How will we handle it?
Will we lose heart and give up?
He likened it to a spiritual EKG, showing us just what the condition of our heart is like. He commented that many people don't realize they have true physical heart problems until another health issue arises and they are at the doctor's office. Suddenly the doctor notices things and sends them for and EKG; and many times this ends up in heart surgery. Yet, all along this patient thought they were just fine.
As I latered pondered his words and the truth they held in my life going through the stress of major sickness in two family members, I also realized that this can be applied to my weight loss journey.
My friend (the famous) Stephanie commented in an email to me the other day that this stress has definitely been a life test for me in my weight loss journey.
I've seen great strides in my weight loss journey this past year and then life thew me a curve ball of a lesson to work through. Now as I'm going through it I'm realizing that this is a test to see just how well I've learned my new eating and exercise habits, and whether or not I'm going to abide by those new changes or allow myself to quit and give in to the old Leah's way of doing things.
As my post on the walking in the airport shows I've seen myself stick to my new habits, but as the many Hershey Kisses that have made it in my mouth would agree, I've also seen myself fall back into old habits. I've had to stop and make myself think.
Can I handle good eating and exercise habits no matter what else goes on in my life?
Will I quit working on my health just because other issues arise?
The answer is no.
I will not quit. I will not give up. And I definitely will not go back to my old ways.
Getting back to the sermon, our pastor mentioned that it's the final chapter in life that matters. The tests and trials along the way will strengthen us and teach us, and if we can keep our hearts healthy until that final day, then we will have the great reward.
Along those same terms, my blog's name is "My New Ending" for a reason. It's not the setbacks and stressors of life that happen along the journey that will matter most, but the final outcome. As long as I keep working on my healthy habits and taking care of myself in the way I know is best I will reach my goals and that final chapter will be worth every struggle it took to get there.
With God's strength I will come out the winner both spiritually and in my health.
How about you? Are you struggling or feeling like quitting your weight loss plan or journey just because things are getting tough?
Please don't quit or give up. Every stress, problem and struggle is a part of the journey and it really is the final chapter that will matter the most. Together we will win this battle!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Total Loss So Far: -32 lbs.
Well, I'm happy to have a maintain with the traveling and some extra eating I've done. I've had a few meals where I know I didn't stop at satsfied. The traveling is done and now I'm here with my parents for a week or so and things are back to normal. My parents keep fruits and veggies around and with my mom also working on the weight loss it's not going to be too hard to watch what I eat...as long as I choose to stay out of sweets. :)
As for my getting with it challenge...if I hadn't had all this upset with my mom coming down with cancer I think I might've made it to the ten pounds lost. Then again, the working full time threw me for a bit as well, so maybe not. Nonetheless, I'm happy to see that I'm still below 200 today and that I'm getting exercise in on a trip where one year ago I would not have done so.
First off ... I want to see at least 10 pounds lost - Beginning weight is 205.0. 6/10 lost so far. I'm grateful I made it at least halfway to my goal with all the "stuff" going on in my life.
Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. No, I started taking them again and then forgot to bring them on my trip. *sigh*
Drink 64 oz. of water daily. I did pretty well. Now that the traveling is over and the hospital stay is over I'm getting back on track.
One sweet treat a day. I was okay except for 2-3 days.
Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. No, I'm still working on getting back to normal on this.
Exercise at least 4 days a week. Yes. I worked out to DVDs two days, then walked briskly for two days and even last night I went for a short walk after dinner.
So, technically my challenge is done, but I'm going to keep trying to follow these guidelines from here on out.
Thanks for stopping by and being so encouraging. I hope you all have a nice weekend!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Hello to all of you out in blog-land! I am so honored and privileged that my friend Leah has asked me to “guest-post” for her first anniversary of her journey to her “New Ending”. My name is Stephanie, and Leah and I go WAY back…..like we were twinkles in our mother’s eyes and we already knew each other! Ok, maybe not that far, but our moms grew up together and have been friends for years so of course, Leah and I have been friends as well! I am so thankful to have her as my friend!
As I’ve known Leah for all these years, one thing we have both always struggled with is our weight – (imagine that). We’ve always been the “pudgy” girls – not skinny, but not overly obese, and so through the years we’ve had some good chats about the ups and downs of weight gain and loss.
These past few years, I have seen Leah go through some major life events that have set her back as far as losing any weight. As you all know, sometimes we allow life to get in the way, and we push that aspect of our lives to the backburner to “deal with it later”. I was so excited the day Leah called me to tell me of her “Journey to her New Ending” and how she was going to go through the process of dropping the extra weight she had allowed to creep on. What was exciting is, that I was just coming off of having my second baby and was about 45-50 pounds overweight myself – the most I’ve ever weighed in my life! I had already started, about a month before, trying to lose my own weight and was tickled we’d be able to go through this process together.
I think the most amazing thing I’ve seen happen through this whole process, as we’ve talked on the phone, emailed, talked on the phone some more – are the incredible changes in Leah’s thoughts, ideas, attitude and drive towards weight loss, eating habits and exercise. Her weight loss is slow, as most of you have seen, but what you HAVEN’T seen are the changes that are happening inside of her that will enable her to lose the remainder of weight she has to lose, and to keep it off for the rest of her life. She has used this last year to deal with some major emotional attachments she has had to food and to eating.
Every day, I’m amazed by the insight she has gained and the strides she has made towards a healthier lifestyle. She and I have NEVER been the active type – meaning – we’d rather sit on the couch and read a book than to go outside and be active. It’s just part of how we grew up what our preferences are. To see her activity level soar to new heights has been another incredible part of her journey. I was so excited the day she called me to say she RAN (not walked) her first mile – ever! What an amazing accomplishment!
This past year of traveling this journey with Leah has been incredibly helpful for me as well because, although I have not dealt with emotional ties to food and eating, I still had to work through some issues that came out while going through my own journey. Some of the things I have dealt with are similar issues Leah has dealt with and having her to bounce ideas off of was therapeutic.
I’m very excited at this point because I’m at the end of the first phase of my journey. I have lost 50 pounds and 4 pants sizes – the smallest I’ve been since I was 10 (I think). I am anticipating the day when Leah can say the same exact thing. Maybe in a year, maybe in six months – who knows – but what I do know is that she WILL make it and I am so honored that she’s included me in this part of her journey.
I am so proud to be her friend - you have no idea what her friendship means to me. I hope that all of you have at least one friend or family member you can count on like I can count on Leah.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Condensed Version: I've walked both at the airport yesterday and again this morning and I'm feeling good.
Long Version: My flight getting here required a one-an-a-half hour layover halfway through. So, I planned on doing some walking in the airport instead of sitting the entire time and eating.
Thankfully it was a nice large airport, so I didn't have to make lots of little laps. I walked briskly up and down each corridor of gates until I reached the end of everything I could walk through and not leave the security area. Then I backtracked and headed back to my gate area.
It took me 50 minutes and I was feeling so good. By that time I was warm and the Starbucks that had been calling my name when I got off the plane didn't sound so good anymore. I needed to eat a small meal, so I opted for a smoothie with lowfat vanilla frozen yogurt, bananas, strawberries and a serving of protein powder mixed in.
It was the perfect light meal after a good brisk walk. I was satisfied and felt healthy and alive. After finishing my smoothie I got up to throw it away and use the restroom and suddenly felt pain in my feet.
I had my sandals on that have a less-than-conducive bed for walking in and I started getting blisters on the balls of my feet. Duh! :) I felt like such a dork trying to walk normally with this rubbing pain in my feet.
Luckily during the next flight my feet had time to rest enough that they weren't hurting when I got to my destination.
This morning I got up bright and early and took a nice walk. About ten minutes into the walk I decided to try some jogging again. I felt kind of silly with my crazy hair only held back by a headband and my jog, but at the same time I was proud and did my best.
It was a quick walk with two jogging segments in the middle. It felt good to do something other than weights since I'm still sore in my hamstrings from all the squats and lunges I did in my two workouts earlier in the week.
Another reason it feels good to workout is because this is the new me traveling. The old me would've enjoyed all that resting time yesterday with lots of eating and then a lazy morning doing nothing today until it's time to go to the hospital.
Folks tomorrow is my one-year anniversary since officially starting my weight loss journey. I may not be down 100 pounds or even 50, but I am a different person than the one that started this blog a year ago. These first two days of traveling are testimony to that fact.
I'll be checking in during my travels, but until next time...Have a great day!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
- First off ... I want to see at least 10 pounds lost - Beginning weight is 205.0. 6/10 lost so far. We'll see what I can accomplish in my final week.
- Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. No.
- Drink 64 oz. of water daily. I drank water daily, but not sure if I hit 64 oz. each day.
- One sweet treat a day. This was much better and almost back to normal for the entire week. Yay!!!
- Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. No, but I know I got at least two a day in.
- No snacking if I'm not truly hungry. Again, this was much, much better this week. Back to "normal".
- Exercise at least 4 days a week. No. I didn't work out once this week. However, I have not quit working out, just took a sabbatical this week. I know the rest was much needed and I will be back to it soon.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
- First off ... I want to see at least 10 pounds lost - Beginning weight is 205.0. Another gain and currently only down 2 out of 10 pounds. You can imagine my frustration with this.
- Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. No. I think I only took it once if at all.
- Drink 64 oz. of water daily. No.
- One sweet treat a day. No, but usually no more than two.
- Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. No, but I know I got at least one in a day, if not two.
- No snacking if I'm not truly hungry. This was better than last week, but there was still snacking going on when not hungry. Larger meals kept me filled up for most of the days.
- Exercise at least 4 days a week. YES! I got up and worked out four mornings this week before work. This is the silver lining on my cloud this week.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I got up again early this morning to workout. Go me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
1. A term relating to the price of a good or security which is firmly established and cannot be adjusted.
"...firmly established and cannot be adjusted."
That is what I am going to strive to make my morning workouts. I will work towards making them firmly established parts of my day that cannot be adjusted.
In fact, I've already worked on it. Today I got up at 5:45 to workout early. As my alarm went off at 5:30 am I thought, "This is non-negotiable. I will get up and workout." It took me a few minutes, but I did get up and I completed a Leslie Sansone 2-mile walk DVD for 30 minutes.
Now if I can just get me an elliptical machine or treadmill to use at home I'd be one spoiled woman!! :) That's only because I don't feel like jogging outside where it's windy, but that's another topic for another time.
In the meantime I will close up today by thanking everyone for sharing your words of wisdom and encouragement on this new challenge in my weight loss journey. I appreciate it!!
p.s. When I get a spare minute I have another post about how falling back into bad habits while working probably had more to do with my gain last week than TOM, because that chocolate junk hit me over the weekend and I'm still waiting for it to arrive.... More later.
Monday, May 3, 2010
- What time of day is easiest for you to workout?
- If you workout in the mornings, early mornings, was it always easy to do? If you work out later
- How do you overcome the "flesh" and just make yourself get up in the mornings to workout?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
- First off ... I want to see at least 10 pounds lost - Beginning weight is 205.0. I had a gain this week, so I'm 3.0 out of 10 so far.
- Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. I know for sure I missed one day.
- Drink 64 oz. of water daily. I missed two days of this for sure, but got it in otherwise.
- One sweet treat a day. Okay...um...you already know this didn't go well. Chocolate cravings and desires come to visit monthly as well, just to let me know TOM is on it's way. Joy. I'll posting later about how I actually made myself sick with it this time.
- Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. Not always so great this week. I forgot to get new bananas before my busy week and so getting a fruit in with breakfast was more difficult for me. And then that darn chocolate sounded better than anything else... :)
- No snacking if I'm not truly hungry. Um..... *standing sheepishly with hands behind my back* .... um... going to do much better next week.
- Exercise at least 4 days a week. Definitely having the worst time getting up early to workout before work and was busy every evening. So, I only worked out two days this week. I know this was not good to do the week that chocolate kept calling my name. I'm going to have to really work through my morning laziness to get this part of my journey back in order while I work and then while the kids are home for summer break.