"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Anonymous

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Funny & Good Day

My mom sent this to me today:

“I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on, like, a hundred pounds.” -Wendy Liebman

As for my week so far:
  • Eating is going fine & I'm tracking daily.
  • I got a run in today and kept a decent pace (for me) during the running intervals.
  • The kids are back on a regular school schedule now.
  • We got a second car, so I can run my errands in the daytime again.
  • The weather has been real nice - a lovely 71 degrees when I went out to exercise at 9:00 am.
  • I'm still reading Made to Crave and learning.
  • I've started a new book, The Help, and it's enjoyable so far.
  • I've had good chats with two long-time close friends this week.
  • There is food on the table.
  • The bills are paid.
  • No one is sick.
Yep, it's a good day over here and I'm thankful to God for it. I hope you're having a good one wherever you're at.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Time Consuming Thoughts

As I read in chapter 6 of Made to Crave earlier today I was really struck by this question in the 'Personal Reflections' at the end of the chapter.

"As Christians, our calling -- and our source of spiritual nourishment -- is to do God's will and finish His work (John 4:34). To what degree have consuming thoughts about food impacted your ability to pursue your calling and receive spiritual nourishment?"

I realized when I am consumed with food, overeating or snacking when bored, etc, I begin to feel guilty. Those feelings of guilt usually begin roll into a huge burden of shame that then threatens to crush any positive thoughts and leaves a path of worry and wonder behind it.

"Why am I still struggling?" "Why do I do this?" "Haven't I learned anything?"

Many times those crushing thoughts steal away hours in my day and I don't get things done that I need to do. This is usually because I then find myself searching for reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing, reading weight loss stories online or in conversation with a weight loss buddy or even in a book or my Bible.

There is a time and a place for these moments of deep introspection and learning. However, more often than not I'm doing this too often and it becomes a thief of my time. I'm then left with only enough time to do the basic activities of daily living, and sometimes even those things are completed in a rushed manner to make up for lost time.

In a day where I've been consumed with food and weight related worries there is no time for extra things, maybe working on something I've felt God calling me to do like visit with a friend in need or work on a project for church.

Or I may also have lost time in my day for reading a book or working on a family project, and then I am stressed out because I feel I've had no time to myself in the day.

This is not healthy, and it is something I am going to work on.

I am going to work on sticking to my plan, and not letting my mind become consumed with food - in a good or bad way - so that I can have more full, productive days. Our lives where meant to be lived to the fullest, not bogged down with heavy, destructive thoughts or habits.

I know with God's help and my good choices I'll gain a victory in this area of my life. My hope is I'll also begin losing weight again as well.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Safe & Sound

We made it safe and sound as Irene passed through our area today. The power was off when we woke up, but it came back on around 6:00 pm. It was a rainy day with lots of howling winds.

We are grateful to God for bringing this hurricane down from the level 3 it was expected to be to a level 1.

Thank you to those who prayed and for those on the northeastern coast, you are still in my prayers.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Hurricane Irene

Quick note: We live in Jacksonville, North Carolina and are preparing to hunker down for the hurricane that is headed up the east coast. Our schools are closing two hours early today and the base, where my husband works, has already been shut down. The city is also beginning to shut down for today so people can get home safely and not in a panic.

If you are a praying person, please keep us and the eastern seaboard in your prayers. We're not expecting the worst of the damage here in NC; however, if Irene doesn't change direction the northeastern coast could be hit much worse.

Thank you.

Weigh-In ... This is Hard

Today's Weight: 190 . 0
Loss/Gain: + 2 . 5
Total Loss So Far: - 41 . 0 lbs

You can imagine my frustration at seeing this number today. I've seen it most of the week and it's been frustrating all week. I'm not 100% on plan, but to be up to 190 is driving me crazy.

Crazy to point of truly looking at where the problem lies. I've spent time this morning reading through some beginning chapters of Made to Crave by Lisa Terkeurst and looking up in scripture biblical truths with regards to discipline and acceptance.

Yes, acceptance.

I struggle with overeating and lack of discipline when it comes to food, as is obvious by my lack of reaching my goal weight in over two years since trying, but I also struggle greatly with acceptance. My husband, parents and closest friends know this is true. It's my own great mind battle and something I have to overcome.

As I've read through scripture and really made myself sit and look at why I keep reaching for those no-bake chocolate cookies when I'm not hungry (that was an issue this week) or why I keep eating when I'm not hungry I come to some different conclusions. To name a few I realize...
  • I still see myself as the chubby blonde girl who was the friend of the girls boys liked.
  • I still see myself as the chubby mom on the sidelines.
  • I have always made friends easily, and have a very full and happy life, except when it comes to my struggles with food.
As I finished writing up a response to one of her "Personal Reflections" at the end of a chapter I was amazed at what flowed out of my pen. It went like this, "...crazy, but maybe....just maybe I feel like food ALWAYS accepts me, it's dependable, but material things and relationships are much harder, less accepting [or fulfilling]...so I turn to food. BUT I NEED TO TURN TO GOD and 'do all things as unto the Lord and not unto man.' wow. "

For someone who struggles with acceptance and rejection this is very hard for me to put out for you all to read, but since I find it very telling I had to share.

Some may feel I am putting too much emphasis on food and overeating in my life, but I think it's a sign of deeper issues that I'm working through. Being the chubby girl and mom is a comfort zone for me and breaking out of that zone to a woman who is made for more than the vicious cycles of overeating and guilt is very scary.

I have found myself thinking many times, "I'll never be like her (Diane, or Lori, or Stephanie), but as I turn to God (and look at those women's past struggles with food and how they have overcome them) I realize I can be. As Lisa likes to say often in her book, I was made for more.

So, friends in blogland, this is where I am today. Struggling and clinging to the small spark of hope and desire that I will break free from this vicious cycle and be all that God has called me to be in Christ, because I know he didn't call me to be beat down but to stand tall and be an overcomer.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23 & 24

As always, I will not give up. I can't.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Deep Thoughts - Not

I had something deep and profound to blog about today, but now I can't remember. LOL

It's a "rest" day for my working out, but not very restful otherwise. My kids start school tomorrow and enjoyed a nice, lazy day today.

I did laundry, caught up on blog reading, helped put school supplies in piles so they could ready their backpacks, did more laundry, showered, put chicken to marinate for dinner, etc. etc.

I do know that I'm seeing a reoccurring topic of basically, as one friend worded it "getting the mojo back" with regards to weight loss. I'd like to think that the "back to school" feeling will also help in getting back with weight loss efforts.

Maybe I'll wax poetic on that thought tomorrow...since my train of thought is no where in site right now. *giggle*

Have a good one!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

C25K on Hold

Due to the arrival of TOM yesterday (heavy flow and serious cramps) I did not run today. I rarely workout hard during the heaviest days of my cycle as it is pretty rough on me. Sometimes with Aleve taking away the pain I can get through it, but I had nothing in my system this morning. After the worst days I'm pretty okay, so we'll see if I run later in the week.

I did get my circuit workout done yesterday and a 30-minute Walk At Home DVD done today. This is me adjusting my exercise to my life - still getting it done, but not stressing about it. Yay!

I'm off to bed now...zzzzz....

Saturday, August 20, 2011

C25K - Week 3 Day 3

I got up by 8:00 am this morning and finished week three of the Couch to 5K program. Whee ! The 3-minute runs were a little easier than the first day this week.

I'm finding it harder to keep my faster pace for longer than two minutes, but we'll see how it goes next week. Since I'm getting back into running after a two-month break I'll be content to be able to run for 30 minutes at a 12:00 mile pace by the end of this nine week program. However, I'm shooting for 11:30 if possible. :) We'll see.

After today's run I finished up my first full week of exercise which looked like this:

  • Sunday - Rest

  • Monday - Strength Training 1 hr (in the form of circuits in my at home gym, following a plan from JillianMichaels.com.)

  • Tuesday - Run 30 mins (in the form of Couch to 5K ... Week 3 Day 1)

  • Wednesday - Rest

  • Thursday - Run 30 mins (C25K Week 3 Day 2)

  • Friday - Strength 1 hr (Circuits in my at home gym)

  • Saturday - Run 30 mins (C25K Week 3 Day 3)

The scale may not have moved this week, but I've felt very good getting back into a regular exercise routine. I plan on sticking to this kind of schedule during the weeks ahead.

It's more of my "new normal" coming back and I love it!

p.s. My husband and I went to our first Officer's Ball at the base this evening and I did very well with my dinner. I had small portions (couple bites of each thing), lots of fresh fruit, and didn't leave feeling at all stuffed. Victory!

G'nite and enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Weigh-In ... Same Scale & New Victory

Today's Weight: 187 . 5
Loss/Gain: +/- 0
Total Loss So Far: - 43 . 5 lbs

Well, I am choosing to be content with the maintain this week. It is not a gain and for that I am grateful. I am exercising and drinking water again and slowly but surely I am getting to the place I need to be to see weight loss. I have not tracked my food 100%, so that is my goal for this upcoming week.

I do have a non-scale victory (NSV) to share from last night.

After dinner last night I pulled out a pack of Oreos for dessert for the kids. I wanted one, but I knew that I didn't really have calorie room for too much, nor did I need them. I settled on having one cookie, which I ate slowly, finishing it with a sip of my daughter's milk.

Off and on til bedtime I kept thinking about having another one, or having something else, but I knew I didn't need it. I wasn't hungry. We had eaten a very late dinner, so I only had an hour or so before bedtime and I knew I could make it without eating anything more.

Telling myself I didn't need it reminds me of a scripture I came across earlier this week in my Bible reading that is a go-to reminder for me in my weight loss journey... when I choose to follow the advice.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says:
"All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." NKJV

This includes food and not having more than one Oreo last night was a huge victory for me. I was not brought under the power of sweets. Glory!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

C25K - Week 3 Day 2 - Picture Proof

30 minutes of exercise done!

And now a few photos from my run (yea, I have a little extra time today... LOL).

I hope my Garmin is waterproof, because this is what it looks like after a run/walk on a warm and humid day.

My sleepy heads never did see the note I left them...they were still in bed when I got home.

Maybe this is why the lady looked at me weird when I said, "Good morning!".

I don't wear make-up on morning runs and this white girl gets awfully red exerting energy on warm, humid mornings. LOL

My post-run drink of choice. Low-Cal (read: low sugar) Grape Gatorade.

Thank the Lord for showers and make-up!

Have a good day everyone. I'm off to play a game with my son. We're enjoying our last few days of summer break before school starts next week.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Putting Goals Into Action

Diane at Fit to the Finish wrote a post today about putting action to our weight loss goals. It spoke directly to me as this is where my problem lies. I have the desire to lose weight, but am not putting into action what needs to be done to see this fulfilled in my life.

This is something I need to seriously get focused on. I want to be a person who has lost the weight and gained control over food in her life, not someone who lost a few pounds and then stayed put.

For today, please feel free to click here and read her post. I have nothing more to say as I need to get with it myself. :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

C25K - Week 3 Day 1

I went out for my walk/jog run today and my Garmin died about 5 minutes into it. *sigh* So I improvised and just estimated the times judging by how long it takes me to reach certain points ie. a cul-de-sac is about 60 seconds of jogging...etc. etc.

Since I chose to go after doing my devotions I was afraid it would be too warm out, but I made myself do it anyway. It was a nice 73 degrees out at 9:00 am and I enjoyed it.

As I told another blogger today...now if I can get my eating out of vacation mode I'll be doing great. We had company for dinner tonight...they brought brownies...*sigh* my downfall.

I keep telling myself that I need to eat like I'm on a diet and not in maintenance. I will get with it, I must.

Monday, August 15, 2011

My At-Home Gym

Here is my new at-home gym.

You too can have one of these cool gyms! All you need is:
  • one enclosed garage (preferably with back door and garage door cracked open for fresh air)
  • one dining table chair
  • one set 3-lb hand weights (I have multiple weight sets, but seeing as how I'm sooo out of shape this was good for today). Usually about $5- $10 a pair.
  • one jump rope purchased for $5 at Marshalls
  • one timer on cell phone (not pictured)
  • one printout of exercises to do. (2 core/strength moves followed by 1 min of cardio times 5 different circuits)
and last, but not least.....
  • one moving box to use as a yoga mat, because I forgot to buy one when I was at the store. :)
Yep, I had my daughter take a picture just so you could see my improv mat. LOL


Today was my first workout circuit from the Jillian Michaels site I've joined recently. It kicked my butt and I don't mind telling you that doing jumping jacks and jumprope post childbirth is not fun..if you get my drift. sheesh.

Enough of that...so tomorrow morning I'll start week 3 of Couch to 5K. I'll run/walk three days a week and I'll do these circuit workouts two days a week for strength.

I will get back into shape again...I think I can...I think I can... :)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

C25K - Week 2 Day 3

I completed week two of the Couch to 5K program this morning. This week was rotating 60 seconds walking/60 seconds jogging for 20 minutes. My jogging pace averages between 10:30-11:00 min mile pace. I am loving my Garmin so it can show me these things. :)

I'd like to sign up for a race this fall, but for now I'm going to content myself with simply getting back into running. If I can complete a 5K (3 . 1 miles) at an 11:00 minute mile pace I'll be thrilled. Even an 11:30/12:00 minute pace would be cool, because the fastest I've ever been so far is to run at an 12:00 minute mile pace for 25 minutes..on a treadmill.

I mention the part about the treadmill because I am now doing all my running outside in my own neighborhood. Another reason I love my Garmin. :)

And to finish up on an even happier note, completing this week of C25K also means that I've exercised for 30 minutes three times this week. Hooray!

p.s. *in hushed tones* I am also loving having a good quality sports bra for running. Girls if you do anything that makes them, ahem, you know, not stay in place..you need to save up for a good sports bra. I don't even notice them anymore when I run, I feel safe and secure and don't have chest pain when it's all over. Woot! And for those who worry about these things...they don't look like you've taped yourself down with duct tape either. LOL

Friday, August 12, 2011

Weigh-In ... Still Figuring It Out

Today's Weight: 187 . 5
Loss/Gain: + 0 .5
Total Loss So Far: -43 . 5

I woke up this morning, weighed and was at a loss of what to say. I honestly am not totally sure what is going on, except that I know I've had some treats this week. Enough to gain?

Apparently so.

It's a vex when I'm so happy with the healthier meals I'm eating now (they are the silver lining on this cloud of weight gain). However, I've a feeling that my healthier meals might still be too big since I am not exercising regularly right now, or [dramatic pause] I really have to be careful about the treats and dinner portions. As I'm writing I am realizing that is where I trip up each day and I don't have room for excess when I'm not burning anything in exercise.

I'm going to work on this. I'm sick of being stuck up here in the high 180's, especially when I wasn't here while eating tons of fast food on our trip earlier in the summer.

Note to self: Hang in there! :o)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

C25K - Week 2 Day 2

I got up and ran/walked this morning. I can't take all the credit for getting it done. I had to get up at 5:30 to take my husband to work, so I could have the car today, and that's what really woke me up.

But....I still did it.

I actually dressed to workout when I took him, so when I got home I just had to use the restroom and then head out. It was a little cooler and I felt great when I was done. I'm finding it easier to do the running intervals in the mornings. (More on that later)

I'm a bit tired though from being up so early, so I'm sure I'll sleep good tonight. :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Guilt Trip

This morning I was supposed to get up early to do another day of Couch to 5K...but I didn't.

I then proceeded to have the worst guilt trip I've had in a long time with regards to exercise. I pretty much fought with myself, beat myself up and took any joy out of sleeping in a little extra.

Monday morning I got up early to run/walk and felt great. I planned on doing it Mon-Wed-Fri each week, and I wasn't going to blog about it until I had completed all three days this first week.

While I know I need the exercise I had a full day planned today and then, for some reason, I was exhausted this morning. This all sounds like excuses, and maybe they are, but when my day finally got going I came across a blog post wherein a lady said she'd put off her running during the summer and would get back to it when the kids go back to school I felt much better.

That's how I've felt most of the summer.

Except for today. Today I felt awful. I finally let myself sleep in telling myself I'd get a workout in later. Which hasn't happened because I did a major cleaning of my bedroom (namely the dresser that has been covered in clutter since we moved in) and then regular weekly housecleaning.

Now that my day is almost spent I'm only slightly feeling guilty for not getting up and running. I do wish I would've done it, because I feel like I fell through on a commitment I made. However, I also know that I've had a very productive day and I don't regret not having time to get the afternoon workout in. By the way, Wednesdays we have church at night, so soon I'll have to shower and get dinner going.

I know when school starts my workouts will fall back into my daily routine. I'm hoping that after another school years worth of workouts I'll be more motivated next summer to get up and workout in the mornings. That's one of those "I wish I could be more like..." feelings I have that maybe someday I'll actually bring to pass in my life.

In the meantime, I had a good dose of guilt today and then I went on with my day. I won't ignore it, but I won't let it ruin everything else for me.

Monday, August 8, 2011

New Meals

Well, it has been fun trying some new meals this past couple of days. I think the hardest thing for me to get used to so far is the large breakfast, and colder breakfasts.

I have never really eaten yogurt for breakfast and already a few breakfasts called for yogurt. I'm eating them and enjoying some more than others. There was a breakfast parfait with yogurt, flax cereal, berries, almond slivers and honey all layered that was okay, but it was a lot of yogurt and berries for what I'm used to. However, I am really enjoyed yogurt over the waffle. That is yummy.

Tonight I served my family lamb chops with rice and a greek salad. They all loved it and I felt like a fancy cook. It was very nice!

As for hummus as a dip for veggies...I'm not liking that so much. I don't mind it as a sandwich spread, but not dip. At least not the spinach & artichoke one I was dipping my baby carrots in today. blech.

I'm looking forward to a few other recipes to try this week.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Weigh-In ... Eating Plan

Today's Weight: 187 . 0
Loss/Gain: - 3 . 5
Total Loss So Far: - 44 . 0

Yes, well cutting portions and eating better surely does make a difference on the scale now doesn't it? Normally I'd say something like, "Hopefully this stays off this week."; but today I'm pretty sure I'll keep going down.

As I've been working towards getting back on track with my weight loss journey I've been looking around for some direction, a plan of sorts. Yes, I know what to do, but I really wanted something to guide me a little more strictly, something that would take the thinking out of what foods to eat and teach me.

I toyed with trying NutriSystem or Jenny Craig, or even going back on Weight Watchers, but I didn't want to (A) spend the money or (B) depend on pre-packaged foods. Weight Watchers is a great program, but I also wanted something that provided more than an outline of how much to eat each day.

I wanted something that would tell me what to eat. Something that would show me meal ideas and let me use my joy of cooking while eating better and staying within my calorie budget.

I know this sounds dramatic, but I've been feeling pretty dramatic about it. I wanted something strict that didn't cost so much money.

As I was sharing all of this with my bestest weight loss friend she mentioned a program she's been following to learn how to eat better now that she's on maintenance. She even offered to share some of the meal plans so I could check it out before joining myself. I took her up on her offer and looked into it.
Two days later JillianMichaels.com became my plan of choice to finish off this weight loss journey. Here's a little bit of what I've fallen in love with:
  • It's about $52 for 13 weeks (approx 3 months) to join and use the site to it's fullest extent.
  • She starts off by having you complete a survey to see what kind of meal plan is best for your body.
  • There are meal plans for each week, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack.
  • You can change/adapt any meal to fit your day.
  • There's a workout plan included and each day you're given a workout circuit to follow if you don't have another exercise plan.
  • There's a weight tracker, fitness tracker and food journal and even a grocery list for each week that is changeable according to what days/meals you are making.
  • All recipes are printable, so I can store them for future reference.
Also, if I decide I've learned enough in 13 weeks to keep me going I can stop at that point. There is no 1-year agreement or anything beyond each 13 weeks.

So, I've committed to giving this a try for at least these 13 weeks and seeing how well I follow. My plan is to follow her meals for breakfast, lunch and snack 100% daily and then at least 3-4 dinners. This is to accommodate for my family.

My husband was a little worried about eating healthier meals every night of the week, saying he's going to want his "bacon-wrapped hot dogs" every once in a while.

I expected this reaction and planned that I will still make some family favorites so they don't all revolt. It's just that now I'm going to add in some more healthier stuff regularly and hopefully find some really good dinners that my family will love (like they loved fish week).

I'm really excited about this. Yesterday I sat and figured out which meals I would be eating for the rest of this week and next week and put together my grocery list. I went grocery shopping and bought more fruits and vegetables than I've eaten in a long time. :)

I asked my husband if he was nervous and he replied, with complete love and honesty, "Only that you're going to actually cook all this." So, here's my goal for this week...to make sure and stick to every meal and use all my fruits and veggies before they go bad. I am a little worried about stuff going bad since I bought enough for 8-9 days, so that will take some figuring out.

In the meantime, while I know it's not going to be easy (chocolate chip cookies are not on the menu) I'm glad to have a plan to follow. I think I'm going to have to wean myself off of sweets, but I'm going to do my best to stick closely to the plan and I'll share with you all how it's going.

Oh, and in case you're wondering...breakfast today was a 100% whole wheat waffle topped with 1/2 c. low-fat vanilla yogurt and 1/2 c. blueberries. It called for 1 cup of each topping, but I didn't have non-fat plain yogurt, so I balanced out the calories by cutting back the portions.

This is not something I would ever eat for breakfast before, but it was tasty and filling. And that is what I'm excited about - trying new things and feeling good while doing it.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Running? Walking?

What's that? Any kind of workout for that matter....hasn't made it into my days this week.

I'm simply being honest, before my weigh-in tomorrow.

Just when I thought I was getting into a routine (as much as one gets into a routine during summer break) this week went a little berzerk. Plans changed and I was out and about more than I planned, and waiting on people, so not wanting to get sweaty and run out of time to shower, and just not doing it.

It's not an excuse, I'm only sharing what my week's been like. My kids go back to school on August 25th and I know I'll be back into a regular schedule of working out then for sure.

In the meantime, I'll do what I can/feel like - for we know it's not that we can't it's more that we don't make time/want to. And during summer break I don't always feel like it...yet. someday I will...

I am working on my portion sizes again and better choices and for now I'm content with that progress back towards the narrow path leading to weight loss. :)

Tune in tomorrow for some more special news that is also leading me back to the path of weight loss on my journey. I'm super excited about this!!

Bye for now!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

My Emotional Eating Lesson

When I read "are you an emotional eater? I usually feel like, "No, I don't...except for the emotion of happiness. I love to eat to celebrate or when visiting with friends, etc."

Today I realized that I do indeed eat as an emotional eater sometimes. I was upset about a situation and suddenly had no motivation to take the time to cook anything healthy to eat. So, I ate a hot pocket and Pringles for lunch finishing up with two homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I wasn't overly stuffed, but I knew that wasn't what I needed to eat.

It wasn't until a little while later that I realized I had eaten that junk because I was upset. Wow. I know I should've stuck with my better eating (I had hummus, salad fixins, fruit and enough healthier eats to pick from.), but I took the lazy way out.

This is something I'm going to have to work on..making myself stick to my healthier eating even when I don't feel like making it. Thankfully, later my situation was rectified and I did much better at dinner.

When you're working on weight loss as long as I have been you think you won't learn anything you didn't already know, but today I learned something new about myself. This is definitely why it's a lifelong journey and not just a temporary fix.