Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
|I feel very honored that Leah has asked me for a guest post on her blog! My name is Lori and I host the blog "Finding Radiance" where I journal life after losing 100+ pounds and what I do to keep it off (and hopefully take off a little more :D)|
Leah asked to write about what losing weight has given me freedom from in honor of Independence Day. There are lots of things, like freedom from Lane Bryant, freedom from teasing, freedom from obesity-related health problems, etc. However, I wanted to mention a freedom that I *gained* from losing weight. This is the freedom of movement.
When I was at my heaviest (250 pounds), I was able to move around and do things, and I thought I was somewhat strong. However, doing stuff just tired me out. Carrying around 100 extra pounds is a lot of extra work that a body has to do just to function each and every day. I really never wanted to admit how tiring it was to try to exercise or even just walk around the mall. Being active was just not something I enjoyed. At all. Part of that was because I had an all-or-nothing mentality, so I figured if I was going to exercise, I may as well go out and run! Big mistake. I hated it because I expected too much of myself right out of the box. I then started with simple Walk Away The Pounds videos. Listening to Leslie talk about the importance being just to keep moving, not to be like everybody else, really sank in, finally. I realized it was okay to go slow and then try to improve each time.
As the weight came off, I began challenging myself to more and more active things. I began lifting weights (which I love), and building strength allowed me to do more and more. I then got a bike (which I adore!) and started riding small rides each day. Over the last couple of years, I have really increased my bike mileage and I have a goal of a single day 100-mile ride this summer. The old Lori never would have even wanted to do that. Now I look forward to it.
I am in my early 40s and in better shape than at any time of my life. I'm not quite at what I think my weight goal could be, but I am so pleased at the types of movements I can do now. When I bike, I feel like I can fly! Obesity was a cage on the inner athlete that I never knew was there. Being active was not anything I ever wanted to do or thought I would even want to do. Losing the weight opened my eyes to a whole new me.
Independence Day celebrates the freedom of our great country. Let it be inspiration to free yourself to do whatever it is that you want to do. You might be pretty surprised at what you are truly capable of when you give yourself a chance.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
With our nations Indepence Day holiday coming up in a week I'd like to try something a little different for my blog. I would like to pose a question to you.
What do the words FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE mean to you in regards to your weight loss journey?
My comments are always monitored by me before posting to this blog, so instead of "approving" the comments I will be compiling all of the responses and putting them into a post to share with everyone next week. I will also add my own thoughts to this post.
So, as we heard at a 4th of July rodeo last year here in Oklahoma... "Be thinkin' on it. Git it in yer mind."... and I add, please? I'd love to hear what y'all come up with. :)
With you in this journey,
Friday, June 25, 2010
- I will not be jogging/running again until my weight gets down some, or until the fall. I will continue working out 4-5 days a week using DVDs and walks at the park. Once my weight has lowered a bit I'm going to take my husband up on the offer to go to a running store and get fitted for some running shoes. I'm hoping the combination of weight loss and maybe "special" shoes will allow me to get back to my 30 minutes of jogging without hip pain for the 12-24 hours following each workout.
- I am no longer using Lose It! to track my food. Counting calories was killing me, especially when I did great and saw gains that week. I am considering a food journal wherein I will track my level of hunger before each meal and fullness afterwards. More on that later. I must tell you when I decided to quit tracking my food I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I will continue to work towards having a fruit or vegetable with each meal and limiting my sweets to one small portion daily.
- Finally, this will be my last official weigh-in. I am going to try a new idea for a month or so that I saw on another blog. I will post my weights each month and under the monthly totals keep a running 7-day average of my weight. This will make more sense when you see it. I have pretty much always seen my daily weighing as the tool I use to keep myself in check. I haven't my journaled food, counted calories or points, but I have weighed myself. Except for certain times of the month it doesn't bother me to see the fluctuations. What does bother me is knowing on Thursday I have a weigh-in Friday and that's the weigh everyone in blogland will judge me by. The past couple of months my Thursdays have become stressful knowing I have to post whatever shows up on Friday, even if I was lower on Thursday. And I'm a little tired of thinking I was awful throughout the week just because of what I have to post on here on Fridays. Of course, I rejoice in the weigh-ins that are good, but I need to do this for now. We'll see how I like it and if it stays permanently after a month or two.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
- I collect spoons. My collection started with one spoon and a rack that my grandmother gave me when I was in junior high. I now have over 100 spoons, about a third of which are from overseas. Some I've purchased myself, some were gifts and some have been purchased by friends when I find out they are traveling and sneak them some money.
- I got married and had my children at the same ages my mother did. We both married at 19, had our first child (twins for me) at age 21 and our second child (pregnancy for me) at 24. We even had the same sex of children at each birth. We're also both still married to our wonderful husbands, 36 years for them and 14 years for me.
- I gave my life to Jesus as a little girl, and no matter how great the temptations through junior high and high school I managed to keep living for Christ. He has been my strength and salvation through all of the ups and downs in life.
- One of my favorite days is a rainy one, where I can sit down with a cup of coffee and a good book.
- I can never decide if I love fall or spring more on those email questionnaires - when the time rolls around for each of them I enjoy them both immensely.
- I've always thought it would be fun to a step aerobics instructor. Of all the classes I've taken I've always loved step aerobics; and how fun would it be to make money while exercising!
- My natural curly hair didn't kick in until almost nine years ago. It was very straight growing up and I used to wish I could have curly hair like my mom did. Somewhere around 12 or 13 years old it started to get wavy, to the extent that I couldn't let it dry natural if I wanted it straight. Then suddenly it started going a little wild, I cut it VERY short and it grew in curly. It's been curly every since, and I love it!! It's one of the things I love about the humidity here in Oklahoma...it makes my hair easy to deal with since it curls right up with little effort from me. :)
- Tricia at Endurance Isn't Only Physical - She's had great success in losing 100+ pounds, finds ways to keep fit even if her body isn't cooperating and keeps a smile on her face through it all. Oh, did I mention she's the giveaway queen?
- Lori at Finding Radiance - She's recently celebrated her 2nd anniversary of losing 100 pounds. Her daily photographic accounts of her eats and workouts are a pleasure to peruse.
- Barbara at My Journey to Healthy Living - Currently fighting the weight loss battle she is honest and real through every victory and defeat that comes with the task of losing weight. I love the beautiful smile she shows in every photo of herself.
- Christine at My Life... - Christine is showing by example that it is possible to eat right and find time for exercise while being a wife and mother of a large family. She's almost to her goal too.
Monday, June 21, 2010
- I still get rebellious and after a gain want to just eat and eat and not care anymore.
- I'm still having to learn to believe in myself that I can lose this weight. At the same time I almost felt a load come off of me after getting all my feelings out about mourning the loss of food.
- Greasy foods give me heartburn and I had it both Saturday and Sunday.
- Just because a cake looks cool, doesn't mean it tastes that good. I think I'm going to have start becoming a food snob and only allow a bite of cake to first see if it's worth spending my hunger on. The cake I tasted on Saturday was not, but it didn't stop me from eating my small sliver. (Yes, small, that was the best part of that choice.)
- Speaking of things that aren't worth it....Whataburger shakes ARE NOT WORTH THE CALORIES right now.. First off, the "medium" is 32 oz, of which I maybe had 1/2 to 2/3 of it as a treat Sunday night. All the fun was taken out of my treat when I got home and journaled it only to find out a 32 oz. chocolate shake has 1,000 calories in it. Yes, you read that right, 1,000. I even looked it up online to make sure. When I did the math I figured that's about 125 calories for a half cup, and I've spent that much on a small treat before...now just put a bunch of those into one large shake. Suddenly I didn't enjoy it as much. I told my husband, "It will be a LONG time before I ever get a shake again!"
- And last, but not least, having water with a grilled chicken sandwhich at Whataburger is just as satisfying as having soda. Actually after having the heartburn, and a soda the day before, grilled chicken and a cup of ice water was just perfect! (and much less calories too...)
- Blogging is a wonderful tool and I'm so grateful I've chosen to be a part of the weight loss neighborhood of blogland. Your support and smiles helped me so much this past week.
- Oh, and I am rebellious in another way...I refuse to give up on my weight loss journey because of some stress. I will acknowledge that it can play a big part in my emotions and eating habits, but I will fight it and learn how to win.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
- What?!?!?! Yes, all week the scale has been a bit over 200, and even though I'm not sure why it hasn't shown 205 since my weigh-in two weeks ago. In fact, it was just 201.5 yesterday.
- I have been tracking all my food using Lose It! on my iPod Touch for over two weeks and I ate less this week than last...but I show a GAIN???
- Wednesday night when everyone got Sonic I declined and settled for a greek yogurt and some Triscuits when we got home. I had room for a snack on my calories, so I chose a healthier option. For what again?
- I wasn't as diligent with the water, but the last two days I have been...and yesterday I drank 128 ounces of water...again, for this to happen??
- This is stupid. It seems like I tried to be diligent and it only ruined me.
- I need to stop crying and just get ready for my day.... I won't give up, but this is the absolutely worst weigh-in I've experienced in my weight loss journey, and I'm so embarassed, especially because it was the week I really began to fine tune things. I'm so confused and frustrated.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I've already begun to cut back in certain areas this week and am getting that water in like it's going out of style. So why was I vexed this afternoon? My scale has shown me up every single day since my weigh-in of 200.0 last Friday, so I thought maybe that was it.
However, the more I thought on it I realized when my attitude took a dive for the negative. It was this afternoon when I was hungry and realized I needed to be careful what I ate or I wouldn't leave myself enough calories for dinner. I was scared of going over for the day and sabotoging myself, but I was truly hungry. I made myself a light snack and it was good for an hour or so. Then I started to feel a little bummed again, but I couldn't put my finger on why.
My husband grilled a yummy dinner with chicken and some beef steaks, adding zucchini, yellow squash, bell peppers and onions on the side grilled in his grill basket. It was so good and I enjoyed every bite!
But my attitude didn't get any better. I voiced to him that I was worried I ate too much for my weigh-in tomorrow. He suggested I go for another walk, but I really didn't want to. I already worked out today and it would mean taking a second shower and not getting some things done around here (like blogging out my feelings and researching why I was bummed).
I took a minute of privacy in my bedroom to really think about where in my day did my attitude go from bright and cheery to sad. I thought about a relationship issue that was bothering me earlier this week, and my mom starting chemo on Monday, or my brother in the hospital with an issue related to his cancer, or my preteens who have bad attitudes, but none of these things seemed to be the reason for my sad emotions. They all have their places in my life right now and can each bring sadness, but none of them seemed to resonate with what I was feeling.
Suddenly I remembered hearing about mourning the loss of food. Aha. That hit home with my emotions. So, I took myself to the internet and searched some articles on the subject. There wasn't a whole lot out there, or I didn't find it all. If you're interested you can read some of what I found here , here and here.
It sounds so dramatic, but I'm sure that's what my problem was. As I've been refocusing I've been realizing that there are certain foods I need to stay away from during the weight loss part of my journey.
I had also just finished reading a book my Jillian Michaels (more on that later) that laid out a very strict eating plan to see quick weight loss and it left me reeling thinking I'll never be able to lose the weight, because I'll never be able to live like that.
I still feel that I can have anything in moderation, once in a while, but I know that there are foods that will no longer be a regular part of my diet. For some strange reason this made me sad for a bit.
Journaling this all out on my blog has helped the feelings to dissipate and I'm doing better now. Looking back over what I wrote I'm seeing some things that may have had more of a part to play in my mourning of food than I originally suspected.
Have any of you been through this in your weight loss journeys? I'd love to hear from you.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Since Fridays are my weigh-in days I usually feel a freedom to eat whatever I want on that day. I have six more to make up for it, right? That's usually how I think, as non-focused as it sounds.
Lately I've been thinking and planning that I want to be focused all seven days of the week. I will allow certain treats, but I don't want to keep yo-yo'ing with a few pounds every month.
So I was a little excited when yesterday my mind didn't do it's usual switchover to "Let's eat everything we want today!" mode. I stayed focused and still watched what I ate, even though I had a weigh-in and had seven more days until the next one. Same for today as well.
In fact, I also tend to go into "weekend" mode and kind of not worry about how I eat until Monday again...to some extent, some weekends worse than others.
However, today we spent the day at a soccer tournament for my son and I packed sandwhiches and fruit for us all. LOTS of fruit so there would be plenty to snack on.
Now we did go out to dinner and I enjoyed some spinach and artichoke dip before eating half of my pasta with bruschetta and grilled chicken. It was okay though, because I planned to allow myself one meal eating out each week since we usually go out once a week as a family. Also, being that I was careful all day there wasn't too much damage done.
This evening I also ended up going over to the gym to workout on the elliptical for 30 minutes while my family lazed about. I knew I had the extra time, I've been wanting to try and get more than four days of exercise in when possible, even for a walk, and finally I knew it would be good for me to workout after that restaurant meal (thinking artichoke dip and chips here...).
On the way there I wanted ice cream really bad. I even heard an ad on the radio for Sonic having 99 cent sundaes after 8:00 pm. I would be finishing up at the gym at 8:00, so that would be perfect.
Well, as I drove towards home I just couldn't bring myself to get ice cream. I needed to stop at the store for something else so I pondered what kind of cold, creamy sweet I could get that would satisfy my craving without being too high in calories.
I opted for some Jell-O Sugar Free chocolate pudding. I almost bought some low-cal Edy's ice cream, but it's still 150 calories for 1/2 a cup. I didn't want to "spend" too much on a dessert and the Jell-O sounded good and was only 60 calories for a serving.
I just finished my Jell-O before logging on here to post and it was perfect.
This, my friends, is a new way of thinking for me. To be focused through a Friday and a Saturday and not give in to the ice cream are small victories in my life. I'm very content with these steps in the right direction...they are leading me closer to my new ending! :)
Have a great rest of your weekends everyone! I know I will. G'nite!
Friday, June 11, 2010
- Lose at least ten pounds - Beginning weight 199.0. Getting back on track. Still not down, but not six pounds higher either.
- Exercise four days a week. Three down this week and one scheduled for today.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
When your weight loss journey gets rough please take a minute to read this letter and be reminded of why you are working on becoming healthier and more fit.
The past month has been very stressful and it ended with you finally deciding to not worry about food or exercise until after your return home and your mother-in-law leaving. You also decided that you would really get with the program during the summer, so you were going to use these last few days, maybe a week, to just enjoy yourself.
During these days, when you just didn't care anymore, you allowed yourself to eat whatever you wanted, how ever much you wanted and whenever you wanted. The results were very interesting to say the least. The flow of emotions went something like this:
- At first it felt like freedom to be able to eat whatever and however much you wanted, whenever you felt like it.
- You enjoyed sipping a high-calorie iced coffee drinks whenever you wanted.
- Being able to savor tasty, fattening foods and sweets was such a wonderful feeling.
- There was only guilt if you ate pure junk for a meal (the Saturday cake for breakfast), but if you ate "real" food you didn't feel as guilty.
- However, soon you did begin to feel new things...like never feeling hungry, except maybe at breakfast if you waited a little later to eat.
- You were not simply "satisfied" all day, but usually pretty full. The next meal came because it was time to eat, not because you were hungry.
- Your clothes began feeling tight and you realized that it had been over a month since you had regular, fairly intense workouts. So, you realized you were probably beginning to "spread" or lose muscle tone.
- The peace you felt when eating pretty much what you wanted and maintaining at 199/200 lbs started to slip away as you saw the scale creep up.
- You noticed that your own mother was watching her portions while you were visiting, but you still felt the need to go into "vacation" mode and eat more than normal.
- You couldn't totally get away from some new habits, like eating smaller portions; or if you did, you ate all the while noticing that you didn't truly want the food. It was almost as if you forced yourself to overeat simply because you had given yourself permission to do so.
- Upon your return home you were embarrassed for your mother-in-law to see you, though you were at least 10 pounds lighter and a size smaller than the last time you saw her.
- Though your little shopping trip with her had you trying on extra large sizes in the regular department, versus the old 2X's you used to wear, you really felt fat and out of shape.
- Suddenly you noticed this last Friday and Saturday that you had no energy and no desire to do anything productive.
- Yes, you might've still weighed 200+ pounds this past winter and spring, but you had begun feeling fit and "light" from the exercise and better eating habits you were adopting; but those feelings were now gone and were being replaced by the old feelings of laziness and self-hatred as you indulged yourself.
- You realized that while the first bites of "whatever-whenever-however much" were fun and enjoyable they weren't really worth all the negative feelings that would follow.
- You also found yourself beginning to turn down foods (even though your mind kept telling you that you should take advantage of these last few "free" days) because they just weren't sounding so good anymore.
- You decided that exercise is definitely a must in your life and that you miss it when you don't make time/have time for it. You realized it doesn't have to be on someone's else time table. Just getting it in each day is good enough, and it's only you who can decide when the best time for that is according to your own schedule.
- You decided that no matter what the cost you were going to get your eating habits back in order and work hard to meet your weight loss goal, because you never felt better in your life than the past two to five months wherein you were eating healthier and getting solid, regular exercise in each week.
- You finally realize that being free to eat whatever/whenever/however much did not give you any freedom at all. It only left you aching for a desire for control back in your life, and a reason to hold your head up high. It really wasn't worth it.
And that's what I want to remind you of...it's not worth it, Leah.
You know already know this, because every time you overindulge you feel terrible. Yet until now, you've never admitted to yourself that the overindulgence really, truly isn't worth the regret, heartburn or negative feelings that follow. Or you never truly felt like it wasn't worth it until you completely slipped back into your old habits and saw the pain and discomfort they brought.
As you sit here writing you finally get that, just like in every other area of life, the real freedom comes with a little discipline and some well placed boundaries.
Yes, there will be times you'll allow yourself a treat and enjoy it immensely. There will also still be those times of the month (ahem) that you'll crave chocolate and the best thing will be to have a small portion. But next time you want to snack on something and you hear yourself saying, "You're full, Leah." or " Do you really want that?", stop and remember that you'll feel much better about yourself both emotionally and physically if you practice a little discipline and stay focused on your health goals.
And in case you forget why you're taking time to care for your health, well, just take a look at that list above. Remind yourself once again that you never, ever want to go back to the old, sad Leah who had no control in her life.
With sincerest love and
Ever hopefully yours,
Me..or I should say ... you. :)
Well, I've been home for a few days, I've enjoyed some lazing around (planting flowers last Friday evening - see picture to the left), then some cleaning up and today getting laundry done. I have a post brewing in my mind about my past weeks' experience with "letting go" health wise. It wasn't a pleasant experience for the most part (except for temporary enjoyments that came with the first bites of yummy foods), but it was a learning one to be sure.
Friday, June 4, 2010
- I've been stressed emotionally beyond pretty much anything I've experienced in my life up until now.
- I wasn't at home and in place to get back into my groove until basically yesterday.
- TOM came in like a pre-tornado thunderstorm causing all sorts of physical and emotional feelings of pain and frustration...just two days ago. Good lord, I'm wondering if this month is making up for some previous "not so bad" month I had. Not sure, but it's in full force and I honestly don't care if I workout until I can quit taking Aleve more than is really good for you. Sorry, for TMI, but I'm being blatantly honest here.
- Lose at least ten pounds - Beginning weight 199.0. Not even close yet. Loss so far: -0
- Exercise four days a week. Nope. Cleaning on Monday was the only intense exercise I did all week.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I hope you all had a nice Memorial Day weekend. Here at my parents it was very simple. My dad had to work and I cleaned house for my mom. She is recovering nicely, but I leave tomorrow, so I wanted to leave her with a clean house.
Thank you so much for your encouraging comments and show of support on my vent. It's another reason I blog, to know that I'm not alone in this battle.
The eating has been pretty good. I haven't gotten out there for any walks yet this week, but spent about 5 hours deep cleaning yesterday - top to bottom - so I think that counts for something. It also kept me busy enough not to munch all day. : )
My mom and I were talking about how once my visit is over things will get back to some semblance of weight-loss-portions normal in both of our lives. So, all hope is not lost and I am feeling refreshed and a bit refocused.
Have a great week everyone!