Weigh-In ... July

I decided I need to get back to posting my weight monthly again.  

Today's Weight:  174.5

Loss/Gain:  +3.0 lbs

I hate posting this today, because I rarely see that high number.  I weigh myself periodically throughout the month and I've usually hovered around 171.  Just a week ago I was 171.5, and I know I haven't eaten enough to truly be up three pounds this week.  

But...I decided I was going to get back to posting my weight once a month again and I'm always huge on being honest with what the scale says that day (even if I'd rather wait til the next day, or take the previous day's weight if I feel it's more accurate.)  It all evens out, so I know it will be fine. 

I also know I'm getting back on track and I plan on seeing a number below 170 by the end of August.  

In the meantime I need to make sure I don't allow this to continue happening...

Or a spoonful or two of Nutella...  Yikes.

Anyway, I'm not taking this lightly, as I'm sure you know from my previous post, but there it is and now it can only get better.  

Thanks for stopping by 

Moved to Tears

Yesterday was just one of those days.  In fact, this week started off a little rough emotionally for me for reasons having nothing to do with my health.  Thank the Lord it's not anything as traumatic as death or another accident, but just little upsets that nagged at me. 

Add to that the fact that I have been struggling to "get back on plan" or face the fact that I need to "diet" again to lose these ten pounds I've put on and my exercise plan for the summer isn't going as planned and I keep comparing myself right now to where I was a year ago and... blah blah.  You get the picture.  

It finally all added up to an evening with tears off and on.  I just decided to let it out.  Sometimes crying makes everything better. 

Thankfully, my girls are out of town and my son had a friend over, so they spent the evening in his room and I had liberty to cry while cleaning up dinner.  I also had the liberty to talk with my husband about my frustrations for a good hour after dinner and he had the good sense to come and give me a hug reminding me that I'm not fat (see previous post) and that he never thinks of me as fat. 

I sniffed into his shirt, "I'm afraid you'll think I'm a quitter..." 

"I know you're not a quitter," he replied, "and I'm not worried you're going to gain all the weight back." 

[Deep sigh, wiping tears into kitchen napkin]

"Okay.  Thank you." 

And suddenly I felt a little better.  

So maybe my plans to attend my favorite HIIT classes three mornings a week this summer got sidelined after my daughter's cross country coach planned practices for the same time, and she can't drive herself because she doesn't have a license yet. 

And maybe I'm vexed because even though I knew I wouldn't be emotionally able to train for a half marathon, I am now seeing the reason I was so toned last summer was because I was running long distances three days a week and I wish I was that toned now.  

And maybe I'm realizing the way to get off the ten pounds I gained between last November - April is by cutting back calories, basically "dieting" just enough to lose that weight and go back to maintenance mode.  

And maybe that can all pile up to one large plate of depressing.  If I let it.  

However, one thing I heard repeatedly at the bible conference we attended this summer was "It's not what happens to you, it's what you do with what happens to you." 

So, I had a cry.  I was honest with my husband.  I had a great, long phone call with my weight loss BFF who is also struggling, ahem...learning.  And then I finished up the evening perusing the motivational quotes I had pinned on my "Health" board on Pinterest to motivate me.  

And I was inspired. 

Life is not always easy.  For me, letting out how I'm really feeling, even if it means crying, is very helpful.  My tears and conversations yesterday did not change any of my circumstances, but they allowed me to express myself and I was not judged for it.  (There's an entire post subject for another time...)  

And I was encouraged.  I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of ability.  I am not a failure and I will keep going one day at a time.  

Because I will not give up.  I know I feel better living a healthier life and I will continue to stay the course, even if I have to dodge a couple bullets along the way.

Oh, and I think I need to make magnet out of this quote I had pinned...

Motivational (Monday) - "She's not fat!"

I meant to post this on Monday, but the days flew by...so here I am. 

Last Friday my husband shared a fun little story with me.  He had a conversation somewhat like this at his work: 

Scene:  A young woman with a one-year-old baby is lamenting her need to lose the "baby weight", but saying her husband doesn't think she needs to lose any weight.  She is not sure if he is saying this so she won't feel bad or because he really does love her how she looks right now.  (Note:  My husband said she is by no means overweight, but she just carries a little extra weight in her torso and thighs.)

My husband walks in on this and hears conversation about the fact that men should love their women even if they are overweight, yada yada and he pipes up with, "My wife gained weight and it didn't matter to me." 

A different lady who works in the front office blurts out, "Doc, you're wife aint fat!  She's skinny!  I've seen her."  

Someone else mentioned, "Or did she used to be bigger?"

Smiling, he explained yes I had been heavier and lost a lot of weight, but when I was overweight he loved me just the same.  Then he proceeded to show them a picture of me heavier and they were like, "Oh..."  

I'm not skinny, but I was still tickled that the few times I've been at this new clinic were enough for this lady to make that comment.  She is a big overweight herself and I remember the days when I would've thought the same of someone my size in comparison to my 5' 4" 230 pound self.  

I didn't start on this journey to look "skinny" and I don't keep pressing on solely for that reason, but it was still motivating to me to hear that I'm no longer thought of as the "fat" lady.  I'm struggling a bit right now, so when my husband shared that with me I was encouraged to keep going.  

Glad I Took This Break

Throughout the course of my trip I had various subjects I'd like to blog about, but to start out I just want to mention something I almost added into my post from yesterday....

Short Story:

I've been home a week now and I haven't exercised a lot yet.  And in all honesty I'm okay with that.  

Long Story:

There are moments I look at pictures from this time last year, or last fall and I see how much thinner I looked and I know it's not just the ten pounds I've put on, but it's also from the trimming up that occurred from training for a half marathon race.  I didn't even realize it was happening until about the end of August when people kept complimenting me on losing more weight and I knew the scale wasn't moving so it had to be all the running I was doing toning up my muscles.  

This can make me a tad sad, because despite having excess skin removed from my abdomen I don't fit in some of my clothes like I did then.  However, then I remember that I really don't have the desire right now to get up early every morning and run.  And I'm SO GLAD when I returned from our trip I didn't have to jump back into a training plan.  

Last year I was up for the challenge during the summer, but not this year.  This year so much happened from January to May, on top of things I'd already planned to do/be a part of, that I needed a break.  

And my summer is turning out to be a perfect break.  

In fact, yesterday I missed my HIIT class waiting for a garage door repairman who never showed up so I told myself to just go for a walk because it was getting later [read: warmer] in the morning.  I began walking briskly and before I knew it I decided to jog.  

I only made myself jog for maybe 1.5 miles and I didn't worry about pace.  It was awesome and I felt so good!  

When I decided not to run the 13.1 race in September this year I did say I would run a 10K in October and I know now that I will still do that.  It's been six months since my mom died, since I had surgery and my son is well on his way to complete healing from his skiing accident finally so I feel energized and ready to begin training in a few weeks.  

It's a good feeling, but I guess more than anything I wanted to share this because this is real life.  This is what my new ending is all about -- making my new healthier life work around what happens and not beating myself up if I'm not as "diligent" as some when life throws a curve ball.  

I have plans to exercise tomorrow and I will get it done.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying summer break with my family and knowing that if I need to take a break it will not completely derail me from being a healthy, happier me. :)

Back from Vacation

A week ago I was in the process of getting to an airport and making my way back home.  Due to a storm in our layover city we ended up not arriving in our local airport until 1:30am Wednesday morning, but we made it safe and sound.  It was three weeks of fun, tears and yes...food.  

The good news is that when I was weighing my largest suitcase a week ago to make sure it wasn't over the 50-pound limit I saw that I had not gained one pound on our trip. 

*Happy Dance* 

The only post I wrote on vacation was at my mother-in-law's, which subsequently was the only week I had the time to get in some exercise.  I knew that was how the vacation would go, because the second 2/3 of the trip was mostly full of a week-long conference and other activities with my dad.  

I allowed myself to enjoy food and visiting without thinking too much about my weight.  However, I did notice a couple things: 

1. I did not snack at all, because we were eating three full meals every day. 
2. I even found myself not wanting full meals for dinner because I wasn't really hungry after a large lunch.  Sometimes I opted for a dessert instead.  It was yummy and satisfied what I really wanted when I knew I didn't have the room for a meal AND dessert.
3. During the conference there was a donut break and I took cheese sticks for myself, only having a donut the last morning. 
4. I kept water with me and tried to get in at least 2-4 cups a day.

Im pretty sure these few things were key in keeping me from gaining weight on our trip.  I seriously figured I might be up about 5 pounds, so having not gained any is exciting for me.  :) 

In the days since we've been home I've only been out for real exercise twice.  That's just how it happened and I'm okay with it.  We didn't realize how adjusting back into a time zone three hours different than where we'd spent the previous three weeks would affect our sleep patterns and such, so it's taken me a minute to get back into feeling "normal" after returning home.  

However, beginning yesterday I've been tracking my food again and been feeling more back on track.  I still need to get back off the ten pounds I gained and I'd like to lose another ten at some point, so vacation eating is not going to last all summer.  

Exercise will still be up and down because of summertime schedules, but it will get done as well.

So, thanks for stopping by.  I'm not dead.  I haven't given up.  And I'm back.  Because my new ending continues to include healthier eating and exercise habits, even in the midst of summer vacation[ing].  :)