The Small Things

Well, I'm working on rearranging my weight loss journey and had a small little happy moment tonight.

My daughter made brownies for our small Bible study group. I thought it was perfect, because they are my FAVORITE treat and if we take them to Bible study most of them will get eaten and I won't have them in the house.

I decided ahead of time that I was NOT going to have any treats. We usually put together nachos or 'lil smokies with barbecue sauce, etc., so I knew this was going to be a test for me. To help myself get through the food time after the study I stopped for a diet Dr. Pepper fountain drink. I knew the leader's wife never buys diet soda and I figured this would give me something to sip on while others ate the high-fat, or sugar ladened treats.

About 20 minutes after the food part of our group started I noticed out of the corner of my eye a bowl of fresh veggies.

Surely not.

Yes, there were three bowls containing fresh celery, cucumbers and baby carrots. There was ranch for dipping on the side, but nothing on the veggies themselves. They were cold and fresh.

I was short of amazed and asked who brought them. Apparently our pregnant leader's wife has been craving celery, so she did. I shook my head in amazement and smiled. Then, I helped myself to a plate with cucumbers and a stick of celery. I sprinkled salt on them and then she even had a lime for me to squeeze some juice on them as well.

YUM!!!

Coincidence? I don't know, but maybe, just maybe, God knew I was working to change things around and helped this young wife think to bring those fresh veggies to the table just for me. It was a small thing, but it meant so much.

And, yes, I will start bringing healthier snacks from now on. I just didn't have time to get some together tonight and the brownie mix was already on hand...yea, that could be a whole 'nother lesson in itself - opting for easy versus work..hhmm...

Anyway, have a great weekend! I have some great news to share with everyone (it had a lot to do with why I made the decision about this get together tonight), but I'm not sure if I'll get to it tomorrow or not. We'll see.

My Heart Hasn't Been In It

It's kind of funny, but before I posted yesterday I had already begun thinking about what needed to change to see me start losing weight again. Then Lori, from Finding Radiance, left a comment with a little something for me to think on.

She said, "Maintaining is not necessarily a bad thing, but it also is a good idea to really find out exactly why you maintained and what might be a solution to do that little extra bit to get things moving again. If it was emotional, what were the emotions and how did you react to them?"

So, last night I read over my posts from May, June and skimmed over the posts in July. Reading over them confirmed some suspicions I had about what needs to change. It wasn't easy to face at moments, but while I know I've made some awesome strides forward in my thoughts I also know there's one fact I keep avoiding.

While I've wanted to be thin and healthier, I haven't wanted to do the work necessary to see the weight come off.

There I said it. I could say a lot more (ask my husband and friends who I've confided in about this subject) , but I'll leave it at that for now.

To sum it up I was reminded of a part in the movie Fireproof where Caleb, the husband who is reading The Love Dare tells his friend or father (I can't remember), "Up until now my heart hasn't been in it."

I am not discounting every struggle I've journaled about on this blog, nor every non-scale and small scale victory. However, I have reached a point where I have to be very honest with myself about some very real issues that affect every area of my life, including my weight loss. If I don't, I won't go forward.

So, please bear with me as I either post or don't post while I go through this. I refuse to give up on myself and think that I can't do better, so I have to press through this time of change.

At Peace and Going Forward

I have a couple of things that are bothering me that I have to get off my chest. Mainly because I am at peace with how things have turned out, but I feel the need to be honest with you all.

1. I set a summer goal to try and lose 10 pounds. I am no where near that goal and have one week until my kids go back to school and only 20 days left in the month of August. I would be lying to say it doesn't bother me a little. However, I'm coming to peace with it and am okay with it because I have also maintained. There have been days where the scale jumped because I overate, but then I've been able to get it right back down again soon enough. I also have been making some serious changes to how we eat, and this is HUGE for me. If you would've told me a year ago that I'd be making lasagna with whole wheat pasta and ground turkey I would've laughed and said, "Never."
2. Also, I announced at the beginning of August that I was going to get up early and walk every morning to make sure I got it done and start a good habit. Um, not happening. We turn into late owls during the summertime, which I am sure is because the sun is still up at 9:00 pm and it's hard to just go to bed the minute it's dark out. I used to have a real hard time with this because when my kids were younger it wasn't an issue, they still went to bed early. I've learned instead to go with it, but it does mean that I won't be getting up at 6:00 to go walking. Instead, I have made a point to get exercise in during my day at some point and this is working out fine for me. As much as I like a schedule, I have really enjoyed the lazier days of summer and just fitting in the exercise when times allows. This does mean a more conscious effort on my part to make sure and get it done, but I'm at peace with that. I just have to remember that I fit in exercise when it's best for MY schedule, not according to when others workout.

I have to sum it up by sharing that I read a post back in June by a woman who had at that point reached 100 lbs lost. She said she was spending lots of time with her kids doing physical stuff and just enjoying summer. She commented that she was planning on maintaining during summer and would get back to the gym and to losing her last 30 pounds when the kids went to school.

I both envied and shunned that idea. I envied that she has already lost 100 pounds and could afford the break, but I felt I just didn't have that kind of time to spend on maintenance. Little did I know what my summer would hold for me. I think I did lose focus many times and just let things slide more than I should have. Plenty of mothers have continued to lose weight during the summer, and I applaud that. Somehow with everything going on in my life, more emotionally than anything, I wasn't able to do that.

And I am okay with that.

Most of my guilt comes when I ponder what others' opinion of me is, or when I compare myself to others. I have to remind myself that this is my journey.

Yes, I need to get refocused on losing weight and quit goofing around. Yes, I need to get that exercise and water in. Yes, I still need to work on mindless eating. Yes, I understand I'm nowhere near done.

So, I go forward. I will exercise daily and as time allows I'll begin putting back together my arsenal of weight loss weaponry that will help me reach my goals. But ultimately, I will allow myself to finish out this last week of summer without guilt and enjoy time with the children.

Thanks for bearing with me. I feel better now.

Whole Wheat Pancakes

Yesterday morning I made Diane's recipe for whole wheat pancakes for me and my kids' breakfast. This is a first in our family and the reactions varied.

My son said they were, "AWESOME!" and showed me this:

The girls weren't as thrilled, and one asked if I was ever going to make them again, or could I promise not to, or something like that. I smiled and said I couldn't promise not to make them again, because I really liked them.

Cooking with whole wheat does make foods more dense, but as Diane said these weren't too bad. I'm going to play around with mixing whole whole wheat and half regular flour, etc. and just trying to make them more and more. I think the kids will get used to them. :)

Feel free to check out Diane's recipe by clicking here.

A Good Balance

I got home from my brother's Friday evening and we've been busy ever since. I didn't have access to a scale regularly at my brother's house, so I didn't worry about weighing myself until I got home.

I'm happy to say that I pretty much maintained while I was there. I'm keeping track again of daily weigh-ins and will have an updated average next Saturday morning.

Though he had a fitness center at his apartments I ended up not using it. We spent many hours talking and then with me doing some cleaning and cooking it just didn't fit in easily to my days. Yes, I said "easily", because I know I could've made it work, and even thought of getting up early on some days to do it. However, the late nights talking or even just hanging out were something I didn't want to cut short so that I'd have the energy needed to get up early to workout. I didn't sleep as much as I did as it was.

I was careful about my eating (except the day after I made chocolate chip cookies and they kept calling my name..argh...) and so I feel I found a good balance. There were no days of major overeating like I found myself doing at my mom's when I visited her in June. My mission for being there with my brother and his wife was fulfilled and I knew that I'd be back to my normal routine when I got home.

My trip was another reality in this weight loss journey of mine of things I'll have to deal with and I'm content with how it went. It was a great time with him and I wouldn't change a thing.

Meditteranean Pasta

Hello! I have still been away from the computer a lot, but today I was able to sit and read comments on my blog and check in to one or two.

Per your requests, here is the recipe I used for our shrimp and pasta dish the other day.

I've written in red anything I did differently or added to the recipe. This was such an easy, quick meal. It really does only feed about three adults, so when I make it for my family I will have to double it.

My sister-in-law and brother kept going on and on about how wonderful it was. I felt I couldn't take any real credit, because it was so simple to make. I think it just looked fancy, so if you want to impress someone try it. You'll love how it tastes (if you like the ingredients) and they'll think you're a high class chef. :)

I hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Have a great day! -Leah

Meditteranean Pasta at Cooks.com

one ripe avocado
cilantro
angel hair pasta (or whatever is on hand) 1/2 of a 1lb. box of whole wheat pasta
3 medium cloves garlic
4 tablespoons butter no butter, just olive oil
olive oil
Parmesan cheese
peeled deveined raw shrimp (optional) 1 lb.

Set water to boil in preparation for pasta (I added chicken bouillon to water, since I've been told that helps whole wheat pasta cook softer. It doesn't change any flavors since you pour water off later.) and heat a pan for the sauce. Melt the butterNo butter..just olive oil. slowly on a low setting so that it does not brown or burn.
Mince the garlic while the butter is melting and add slowly. Do not brown the garlic. Simmer so that the garlic slowly softens and flavors the butter.

Dice the avocado while the garlic softens. You may add a bit of olive oil to the pan to raise the smoking point and help to keep the butter and garlic from scorching. Add diced avocado to the pan and stir to coat. Raise heat to medium, stirring periodically to stop the garlic from browning. Now would be a good time to add the pasta to the water.

Cook the avocado for approximately ten minutes until it softens and you can smash a piece with the spatula. Chop a small handful of Cilantro and add to the avocado mixture, saving some. If you're adding shrimp do that now and let it simmer until it turns opaque and pink.

Drain the pasta and move to a serving plate. Add the Avocado mixture over the pasta, sprinkle the leftover Cilantro, and serve with Parmesan cheese. I tossed pasta and mixture together in large skillet and then served in bowls, allowing guests to put their own parmesan cheese on. This is up to your personal preference.

Serves two to three people.

For a healthier option, you may substitute the butter for olive oil, but cooking times will lengthen slightly. True. :)

Submitted by: Lucinda Estrada

All in the Family

I'm visiting my brother right now. He is battling cancer in his leg and in the course of his journey has also had to change how he eats. So, the first night I was here we were discussing how he basically can't eat "anything I love".

Gee, it's a family affair right now. My mom has been working on losing weight, then gets cancer and keeps losing. She's doing as well as can be expected and has now reached the 160's in her weight loss. She's only about 20 pounds from goal I think. :)

I've been working on losing weight, slowly but surely coming to grips with the real changes that need to happen, and many of those changes are becoming cemented in my life.

Finally, my brother has non-cancer issues that were intensified with the chemotherapy treatments and is having to change how he eats. In the process he has lost 25 pounds so far.

Another fun aspect of us all working on our health is that we are sharing new changes in our food and eating habits.

My mom tells me about some new things she tries, or we rejoice in sharing a treat with our spouses. I bounce ideas off of her, or ask her opinion on whether something really works or not. We talk about how our spouses react to a new recipe or trying something like whole wheat pasta and, well, I think my dad and husband are both receiving some very good benefits from the changes my mom and I are making.

My brother is also receiving some benefits from these changes in my life. While on my trip I've been able to cook for my brother and his full-time working wife and make some healthier meals without feeling like I'm forcing something on them. He's had to make some serious changes to his diet, so they are totally open to whole wheat pasta and brown rice for example.

So far, I've cooked whole wheat pasta with shrimp and avocado last night and then I remade over a chicken and broccoli dish today and some red beans and rice to be a little healthier both with brown rice, and other healthier substitutions (I might post those later). He and his wife have loved the new dishes and I've enjoyed practicing my healthier cooking while I'm here.

It's been interesting to me to see how my parents, brother and my husband and I are all entering into a stage of life where we are working on being healthier - whether by choice or not. Though the cancer has not been the easiest thing on our family having us all working on getting healthier at the same time almost makes it a little easier knowing we are all working on all of it ... together.