At Peace and Going Forward

I have a couple of things that are bothering me that I have to get off my chest. Mainly because I am at peace with how things have turned out, but I feel the need to be honest with you all.

1. I set a summer goal to try and lose 10 pounds. I am no where near that goal and have one week until my kids go back to school and only 20 days left in the month of August. I would be lying to say it doesn't bother me a little. However, I'm coming to peace with it and am okay with it because I have also maintained. There have been days where the scale jumped because I overate, but then I've been able to get it right back down again soon enough. I also have been making some serious changes to how we eat, and this is HUGE for me. If you would've told me a year ago that I'd be making lasagna with whole wheat pasta and ground turkey I would've laughed and said, "Never."
2. Also, I announced at the beginning of August that I was going to get up early and walk every morning to make sure I got it done and start a good habit. Um, not happening. We turn into late owls during the summertime, which I am sure is because the sun is still up at 9:00 pm and it's hard to just go to bed the minute it's dark out. I used to have a real hard time with this because when my kids were younger it wasn't an issue, they still went to bed early. I've learned instead to go with it, but it does mean that I won't be getting up at 6:00 to go walking. Instead, I have made a point to get exercise in during my day at some point and this is working out fine for me. As much as I like a schedule, I have really enjoyed the lazier days of summer and just fitting in the exercise when times allows. This does mean a more conscious effort on my part to make sure and get it done, but I'm at peace with that. I just have to remember that I fit in exercise when it's best for MY schedule, not according to when others workout.

I have to sum it up by sharing that I read a post back in June by a woman who had at that point reached 100 lbs lost. She said she was spending lots of time with her kids doing physical stuff and just enjoying summer. She commented that she was planning on maintaining during summer and would get back to the gym and to losing her last 30 pounds when the kids went to school.

I both envied and shunned that idea. I envied that she has already lost 100 pounds and could afford the break, but I felt I just didn't have that kind of time to spend on maintenance. Little did I know what my summer would hold for me. I think I did lose focus many times and just let things slide more than I should have. Plenty of mothers have continued to lose weight during the summer, and I applaud that. Somehow with everything going on in my life, more emotionally than anything, I wasn't able to do that.

And I am okay with that.

Most of my guilt comes when I ponder what others' opinion of me is, or when I compare myself to others. I have to remind myself that this is my journey.

Yes, I need to get refocused on losing weight and quit goofing around. Yes, I need to get that exercise and water in. Yes, I still need to work on mindless eating. Yes, I understand I'm nowhere near done.

So, I go forward. I will exercise daily and as time allows I'll begin putting back together my arsenal of weight loss weaponry that will help me reach my goals. But ultimately, I will allow myself to finish out this last week of summer without guilt and enjoy time with the children.

Thanks for bearing with me. I feel better now.