Weigh-In - I Wanted to Quit

...but I didn't and I won't.

Today's Weight: 187.0

Loss/Gain: +/- 0.0

Total Loss So Far: - 44.0 lbs.

This past week has been very interesting. I appreciate all the comments about how to deal with sweet cravings. I have to say though that I haven't been craving sweets - just food. Wednesday and yesterday I finally felt like I was getting back to my normal self. So, this is good...and probably why I have a maintain instead of a gain.

When I say I wanted to quit I'm very serious. I'd had it with myself and my weight yesterday. I had two meltdowns yesterday where I was in tears with thoughts of..

• It's not fair!
• I'm tired of fighting this battle!
• I'll never learn!
• I'll never be thin!
• I'll never overcome this issue in my life!
• I'm probably fighting something that's just meant to be..a chubby Leah.

The second meltdown came right before bed and my husband talked with me about it (love dat man!). I had already talked to my good friend and weight loss support friend, Stephanie, earlier and thought I was over it, but apparently not. He listened, supported, blessed me with comments of how proud his is of me (more loving him...) and shared his words of wisdom.

Through my tears of frustration I told him, "For the first time in a LONG time I just want to quit, but I know that would be dumb. I can't quit and I won't."

So that's where I am today. I am very grateful for this maintain instead of a gain that I was expecting, and I'm not going to quit...to borrow the colloquialism... even if it kills me. =)

(Which we all know it won't, because being healthy and fit never hurt anybody. *sheepish grin* )

No-Sweets No Fun Right Now

Well, it's day seven of no sweets and it's not going so great.

Don't get me wrong...I haven't had any desserts or sweets since last Wednesday night, but it's been causing all kinds of havoc in my eating none the less. argh.

Last weekend I found myself eating bites of pasta and pizza so much that I was up on Monday, but a bit. It's like there is this craving that I'm not allowing myself to satisfy so I'm filling up on everything else hoping for it to go away.

Frustrating and weird all at the same time. I did not expect this to happen at all.

So, I'm doing some thinking and asking questions of my weigh-loss journey peers (the pros who have maintained their weight losses for a while now) to decide whether or not I'll be continuing this for a whole month.

I don't want to back out of a commitment, but I also don't want this no-sweets thing to backfire on my efforts. I was losing in December (prior to 5.5 gain week) and still having one treat a day, because I fit it into my calorie budget. So, this is frustrating me.

Anyway, that's where that lovely idea is right now. I'll be sticking to it until further notice and I'll keep you posted on what I learn in the process. Fun or not. :)

I Am A Regular

Today was my second day back to the gym after the kids have gone back to school. It felt great. I told my husband on Friday that I want a t-shirt that says something like this on the back (to be read by others when I'm jogging on the treadmills, which are in front of a row of bikes and a row of ellipticals):

I am a regular here. I started coming a year ago and barely began jogging a year ago, and now I'm on my second year of running.

Okay, okay, that would be too long to put on a t-shirt, but being that it's the beginning of a new year, and I'm still chubby, I wonder if people think I'm one of the new-years-resolutionists. I comfort myself with the fact that, well. ..... I'm not. :) I'm a regular at the gym and I am getting stronger with each visit.

(dramatic pause)

You know, it's actually a really good feeling...to be a regular at a gym. I know that I'm not there in January because I feel guilty about how out of shape I am, and I need to try and lose weight again, yada, yada. I'm there because it's what I do now. I've lost 44 pounds and I exercise 3-4 days a week. This is my life.

Love that feeling!

Have a great week everyone!

Weigh-In - Sweets Break

Today's Weight: 187.0

Loss/Gain: -4.0 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -44.0 lbs

Yay! The scale is going back in the right direction! :) I'm very happy with this loss, because I've cut back, my eating is getting back to normal, and it showed.

Yesterday began a break from sweets and sugar for me. I remember Diane mentioning once that when she started her journey she didn't eat any chocolate for a month. She said something to the effect of it was an area of struggle and she needed to cut it out completely because she couldn't handle just a little bit when she started out.

Now I can usually handle my small amount of chocolate chips, or just a cookie, and I've gotten good at fitting it into my day... but... sometimes I can not. During the holidays it was mostly high calorie real food that put the weight on, but it was also some very yummy desserts.

I decided that I'm going to cut out desserts and sweets. They can often be the extra 100 calories that I don't need in my day. I'm not going as far as to not eat a protein bar that has chocolate on it, just no desserts, sweets or sugared drinks for a month.

Wish me luck!

Taking Back my 2011 Goals

Okay, ever since I posted about my goals for 2011 I've had these nagging thoughts about how I really don't feel like the new calendar year is MY new year. I started my weight loss journey in May of 2009, so my years begin and end in that month.

Also, for what it's worth...every major move in my life since I graduated high school has been around May/June. I think something about the end of a school year, major moves and then the "official" start of my weight loss journey all being in May really makes me feel like that's when my years change...Weird, I know, but this has been bothering me for the past week.

So, after much thought, I've decided I'm taking back my 2011 goals. I kept feeling like setting those goals put me with the masses of people who were setting New Year's resolutions of losing weight and exercising and I don't want to be a part of that group.

Somewhere around Thanksgiving I was already planning to kick things up a notch after the holidays and really see how close to my goal I could come by my husband's graduation on June 4, 2011. It seemed fitting to announce those plans around the new year, but it's just a continuation of my journey, not a new start.

My "new year" will be celebrated in May and my goals to finish out this year of my weight loss journey are as follows:

• Get as close to my goal of 130/135 as I can.
• Get to running regularly and have my speed faster than it is now.

I will be doing this by:

• Using Tap and Track to journal my calories daily, I think right now I'm at 1200 net calories a day, so about 1500 when I work out heavy. I'm going to double check on that.
• Allowing myself only one high calorie day a week.
• Drinking at least 64 oz. of water daily.
• Exercising at least four days a week, maybe even upping the intensity when my schedule allows.

I'm not sure if I'll be updating whether or not I meet these weekly goals on my Friday weigh-ins. I posted with this today because I want it to have it's own place in my blog.

Yes, we are entering a new year, but I'm just continuing on in my journey...not really starting anything new. And I'm really excited to keep it going and "get 'er done". :)

Thanks for allowing me my weirdness! :) Actually, I would've done it whether you agree or not... LOL It is "MY New Ending" after all. (said in giggling, lightweight voice)

I'll be back tomorrow with my weigh-in. :)

Less Already

Not much to say today except that this morning my scale showed a number less than Friday. I'm glad to know I'll most likely show a loss this week. That's a switch for a Monday for me...usually I'm up a little from the weekend. It's a nice feeling.

I hope your week is off to a good start! We have two more days with the kids home from school and then things will really begin to get back to normal. :)

Happy Monday!

Ready For A New Year

Well, I've enjoyed a nice, lazy New Year's day today. The busyness of the holidays is over and we just stayed home and kicked back. It was so nice!

It's kind of funny, but I don't have any deep poetic thought about a new year. That is, except that I'm am so ready to get back to my new normal way of eating. For the first time in my life I have indulged and I'm really done with all the indulgences. They were fun while they lasted, but my body and mind are ready to get back to work on weight loss.

This is a new concept for me. Usually I'm telling myself that I have to get back on track because I know I need to, not really because I want to. The past day or so I've already found myself cutting back without really meaning to because I'm just done with the junk and large servings.

Next week life will get back to my new normal and I am ready for it.

Oh, one more thing...

I also wanted to share this link with you. Jen over at Prior Fat Girl posted today about why she started her healthiness journey. It's fairly short, and oh so inspiring. You can read it by clicking here.

Until next time....