Yuck - A Vent of Sorts

This morning there was no bread in the house that wasn't frozen, so I wasn't able to make my toast with peanut butter or an egg over toast. Yes, I could've made an egg by itself, but instead I decided to "live" a little and have a piece of apple spice cake for breakfast with my coffee. I also had a small brownie about an hour later, and a few bites of chocolate cake another hour later.

Wrong move.

I have felt guilt and self-abhorrence ever since then. I haven't had water in three days and have let the fruit stay in the fridge instead of eating it.

The sweets have entered my body much more than necessary and this morning was the final pieces that broke the camel's back, so to speak. Well, at least I hope they did...

Funny how what was once a habit that we laughed about, "Cake is great on Saturday mornings for breakfast!" now makes me sick, both physically and emotionally.

I almost didn't post about it, because I'm not proud of myself, but I know I'll feel better getting it out in the open. If nothing else, I'm honest in my journey towards my new ending.

So, in the atmosphere of honesty floating about let me say that being back at my parents has brought me to feeling like the "old" way of eating. Yet as I watch my mom I'm noticing that she doesn't eat like we used to. She has watched her portions and her sweets and drank lots of water daily. I keep thinking, "This is why she lost 40 pounds in half the time it's taken me to lose 32.

This means I have no excuse for not eating better on this trip. Yes, people have been bringing sweets with every dinner they bring for us and it's very nice, but it doesn't mean I have to eat all of it. I usually have something sweet at my own home, but I had reached a point where I was able to not need or desire it, except once monthly.

Having this feeling of no control again is starting to vex me. I'm going to use the afternoon and next day to try and figure out why I'm doing this and get a handle on it. Falling back into the old habits has not been comforting at all. They have only left me feeling yucky, and I don't like it one bit.

Thanks for "listening".

Weigh-In ... Playing With Fire

Today's Weight: 202.0

Loss/Gain: +3.0 lbs

Total Loss So Far: -29 lbs.

As per the Summertime Challenge, here's the picture of the scale this morning. I'm at my mom's and her scale doesn't keep the number unless you're standing on it. I was having problems with the flash and such and the high number didn't have me in a patient mood. *sigh*

Now, when I said I wasn't looking for a loss this week I didn't expect this. All week I've been hovering between 199/200. Today was the first time it was over 200, so I was a bit shocked. That is, until I thought about what I ate yesterday and that I only drank one 16-ounce glass of water all day.

Yes, when you play with fire you're bound to get burned.

So, I can imagine why this number is up and I'm not going to make excuses. While I'm here at my parent's house I've been happy to just maintain, because with all the other stress going on I'm not concerned with trying to lose weight these two weeks.

I'm thinking this might be a bad mentality, but it's how I've felt. However, I refuse to go up any more, so this "fire" will be put out. The 200's are not my friend at 5' 4" and I will not stay visiting them for too long.

Thanks for checking in! Have a good day and a nice weekend if I don't hear from you before then.

Summertime Challenge

Well, folks, last fall I was terrified of doing challenges because I felt like a failure when I didn't meet my goals 100%. Yet, I'm learning that having a challenge on my plate is akin to committing to weekly Weight Watcher meetings and weigh-ins -- they keep me accountable. Difference is I get to set my goals and blogging is cheaper than Weight Watchers. *giggle*

So, here's a challenge idea I like for the summertime and I've officially joined up with it. Below you'll see the rules and the goals I've set for myself. I'm sure you'll recognize most of them. :)

This challenge comes from the site
No More CHUNKY DUNKING, time to skinny dip!
(disclaimer...that is NOT my goal, I promise. LOL -Leah)
The challenge will be from May 24- Aug 23.

Now for the rules of the challenge.

RULES:

1. Post the Challenge sticker on your page and also at the head of your post when you do your weekly weigh ins. DONE.

2. Start your first post by stating what you would like to accomplish during this challenge whether it be a weight goal or an exercise goal.
My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds during the summer and workout 30 minutes or more 4 days a week. Starting weight is 199.0

3. You must weigh in every Friday(with the exception of your initial weigh in which will begin on Monday May 24) with a picture of your scale reading that weeks weight. Check back tomorrow for my first weigh-in. Though, please be a little gracious with me. I didn't decide until yesterday to commit to this goal and the sweets have been my friend this week. So, I'm looking for my first real loss to be in another week. Just being honest with you.

Winner will be determined by who loses the most weight.

(Also, people who state a goal and meet it during the challenge will win something as well.)

I'm not planning on winning anything. I simply wanted the accountability of it and I LOVED the cool summery logo. :)

PRIZE:

Winners will win something special. Not sure what yet, when I think of it I will update this. I'm thinking I will treat the winner to a new outfit to show off their new self. Still in the thinking process but I think that's a good one.

Subway Giveaway

Good afternoon/evening! Thought I'd drop in to let everyone know about a fun giveaway over at Diane's blog, Fit To The Finish. She has three Subway gift cards to give away and you can find out how to enter by clicking here. She also shares her experience with their new breakfast sandwhiches. Which, by the way, I'm having a hard time accepting... Subway is supposed to be a sandwich place, not a breakfast place. Change is not always easy.

Okay, joking here. Stop on by Diane's blog and give it a shot if you're interested. My family and I love Subway, so know that you're facing some fierce competition from me if you enter. LOL

P.S. I got up and went for a very nice, brisk walk this morning. It was glorious and even more so when I realized I could easily walk faster than my moderately-paced workout music. Go me! :)

The Final Chapter

Today I was blessed to hear the preaching of a dear former pastor of ours. He pastors the church my parents attend and the one my husband and I attended when we lived here six years ago. His sermon was very timely for the stress I've been under in regards to the sickness in my family. To sum it up he said that often times God allows us to go through trials to see where our heart is at.

How will we handle it?
Will we lose heart and give up?

He likened it to a spiritual EKG, showing us just what the condition of our heart is like. He commented that many people don't realize they have true physical heart problems until another health issue arises and they are at the doctor's office. Suddenly the doctor notices things and sends them for and EKG; and many times this ends up in heart surgery. Yet, all along this patient thought they were just fine.

As I latered pondered his words and the truth they held in my life going through the stress of major sickness in two family members, I also realized that this can be applied to my weight loss journey.

My friend (the famous) Stephanie commented in an email to me the other day that this stress has definitely been a life test for me in my weight loss journey.

I've seen great strides in my weight loss journey this past year and then life thew me a curve ball of a lesson to work through. Now as I'm going through it I'm realizing that this is a test to see just how well I've learned my new eating and exercise habits, and whether or not I'm going to abide by those new changes or allow myself to quit and give in to the old Leah's way of doing things.

As my post on the walking in the airport shows I've seen myself stick to my new habits, but as the many Hershey Kisses that have made it in my mouth would agree, I've also seen myself fall back into old habits. I've had to stop and make myself think.

Can I handle good eating and exercise habits no matter what else goes on in my life?
Will I quit working on my health just because other issues arise?

The answer is no.

I will not quit. I will not give up. And I definitely will not go back to my old ways.

Getting back to the sermon, our pastor mentioned that it's the final chapter in life that matters. The tests and trials along the way will strengthen us and teach us, and if we can keep our hearts healthy until that final day, then we will have the great reward.

Along those same terms, my blog's name is "My New Ending" for a reason. It's not the setbacks and stressors of life that happen along the journey that will matter most, but the final outcome. As long as I keep working on my healthy habits and taking care of myself in the way I know is best I will reach my goals and that final chapter will be worth every struggle it took to get there.

With God's strength I will come out the winner both spiritually and in my health.

How about you? Are you struggling or feeling like quitting your weight loss plan or journey just because things are getting tough?

Please don't quit or give up. Every stress, problem and struggle is a part of the journey and it really is the final chapter that will matter the most. Together we will win this battle!

Weigh In ... Getting With It Final Update

Today's Weight: 199.0
Loss/Gain: 0
Total Loss So Far: -32 lbs.

Well, I'm happy to have a maintain with the traveling and some extra eating I've done. I've had a few meals where I know I didn't stop at satsfied. The traveling is done and now I'm here with my parents for a week or so and things are back to normal. My parents keep fruits and veggies around and with my mom also working on the weight loss it's not going to be too hard to watch what I eat...as long as I choose to stay out of sweets. :)

As for my getting with it challenge...if I hadn't had all this upset with my mom coming down with cancer I think I might've made it to the ten pounds lost. Then again, the working full time threw me for a bit as well, so maybe not. Nonetheless, I'm happy to see that I'm still below 200 today and that I'm getting exercise in on a trip where one year ago I would not have done so.


First off ... I want to see at least 10 pounds lost - Beginning weight is 205.0. 6/10 lost so far. I'm grateful I made it at least halfway to my goal with all the "stuff" going on in my life.
Take my mutli-vitamin and calcium daily. No, I started taking them again and then forgot to bring them on my trip. *sigh*
Drink 64 oz. of water daily. I did pretty well. Now that the traveling is over and the hospital stay is over I'm getting back on track.
One sweet treat a day. I was okay except for 2-3 days.
Eat one fruit or veggie with each meal. No, I'm still working on getting back to normal on this.
Exercise at least 4 days a week. Yes. I worked out to DVDs two days, then walked briskly for two days and even last night I went for a short walk after dinner.

So, technically my challenge is done, but I'm going to keep trying to follow these guidelines from here on out.

Thanks for stopping by and being so encouraging. I hope you all have a nice weekend!

Gust Post - My Friend Stephanie

To celebrate my 1st anniversary of my weight loss journey and the start of my weight loss blog I've asked one of my best friends, Stephanie, to do a guest post. She has not only been the chubby friend with me through school years she has also now just reached a big healthy success in her own life. After having her second baby in February 2009 she has just reached 50 pounds lost.

One week after having baby -------- 50 pounds and one year later.

Hello to all of you out in blog-land! I am so honored and privileged that my friend Leah has asked me to “guest-post” for her first anniversary of her journey to her “New Ending”. My name is Stephanie, and Leah and I go WAY back…..like we were twinkles in our mother’s eyes and we already knew each other! Ok, maybe not that far, but our moms grew up together and have been friends for years so of course, Leah and I have been friends as well! I am so thankful to have her as my friend!

As I’ve known Leah for all these years, one thing we have both always struggled with is our weight – (imagine that). We’ve always been the “pudgy” girls – not skinny, but not overly obese, and so through the years we’ve had some good chats about the ups and downs of weight gain and loss.

These past few years, I have seen Leah go through some major life events that have set her back as far as losing any weight. As you all know, sometimes we allow life to get in the way, and we push that aspect of our lives to the backburner to “deal with it later”. I was so excited the day Leah called me to tell me of her “Journey to her New Ending” and how she was going to go through the process of dropping the extra weight she had allowed to creep on. What was exciting is, that I was just coming off of having my second baby and was about 45-50 pounds overweight myself – the most I’ve ever weighed in my life! I had already started, about a month before, trying to lose my own weight and was tickled we’d be able to go through this process together.

I think the most amazing thing I’ve seen happen through this whole process, as we’ve talked on the phone, emailed, talked on the phone some more – are the incredible changes in Leah’s thoughts, ideas, attitude and drive towards weight loss, eating habits and exercise. Her weight loss is slow, as most of you have seen, but what you HAVEN’T seen are the changes that are happening inside of her that will enable her to lose the remainder of weight she has to lose, and to keep it off for the rest of her life. She has used this last year to deal with some major emotional attachments she has had to food and to eating.

Every day, I’m amazed by the insight she has gained and the strides she has made towards a healthier lifestyle. She and I have NEVER been the active type – meaning – we’d rather sit on the couch and read a book than to go outside and be active. It’s just part of how we grew up what our preferences are. To see her activity level soar to new heights has been another incredible part of her journey. I was so excited the day she called me to say she RAN (not walked) her first mile – ever! What an amazing accomplishment!

This past year of traveling this journey with Leah has been incredibly helpful for me as well because, although I have not dealt with emotional ties to food and eating, I still had to work through some issues that came out while going through my own journey. Some of the things I have dealt with are similar issues Leah has dealt with and having her to bounce ideas off of was therapeutic.

I’m very excited at this point because I’m at the end of the first phase of my journey. I have lost 50 pounds and 4 pants sizes – the smallest I’ve been since I was 10 (I think). I am anticipating the day when Leah can say the same exact thing. Maybe in a year, maybe in six months – who knows – but what I do know is that she WILL make it and I am so honored that she’s included me in this part of her journey.

I am so proud to be her friend - you have no idea what her friendship means to me. I hope that all of you have at least one friend or family member you can count on like I can count on Leah.