Oh, By the Way - 4 Years

Somehow I missed my official blog-iversary, because I always think it's later in the month than it is.  Then I got busy, vexed, etc. etc. and didn't feel like posting to celebrate 4 years into this weight loss journey. 

Today I am doing better and ready to celebrate a little.  :) 

Let me first start off by saying I was feeling pretty fat this week.  It just hasn't been that good of a week for me with regards to food.  Not that I've eaten tons, but more than I need.  I'm up about five pounds from my lowest and frustrated with that.  PMS is over, so I'm supposed to just bounce back into great, wonderful eating right? 

Apparently not this week.  Then some non-weight issues arose and that was just frustrating.  

So, yesterday evening I called a friend of mine and we chatted about the weight and non-weight issues. She is a great sympathizer and encourager and reminded me these are the days I have to remember where I was.  I told her the only thing keeping me going lately is the fact that I refuse to go back to where I was. 

This is where I was four years ago...

...and I remember feeling so huge around the thin ladies at this particular event, and I had already begun losing a couple pounds.  (of course, don't judge...my poor friend can't help how tiny she is...and she was the smallest one there. lol).

I remember buying that outfit and feeling cute in it, except that I was so large.  I was deciding that I had to do something about my weight, because at 32 years old I was having pain in my knees and my weight was creeping higher and higher even though I was learning to love myself as I was. 

I was happy, in the sense that my happiness does not come from a number on the scale and I have a wonderful husband who has always treated me as his queen no matter what size I am, but I was also a bit sad.  I was sad in the uncomfortable, is there any hope for this girl who has failed at weight loss so many times in the past way.  

So, I took a few small steps.  I would begin walking for 30 minutes three times a week, I would cut my regular soda down to only at mealtimes and I would try and only eat at mealtimes.

Four years later ... 

I've worked through so much emotional baggage that came with that added weight, choosing smaller portions and less junk has become a regular part of who I am and I have become a runner.  Me?  Yes, me...a runner!  Also, I've become a woman who although she is currently struggling with the desire/need to finish this journey (and regrets she is not at goal for this anniversary) is no longer uncomfortable physically and has hope.  

Hope.  

I have hope that change is possible.  I have hope that I don't have to follow in the footsteps of the women in my family and end up with diabetes.  I have hope that no matter how frustrating things can get at times I know deep down I will succeed. 

Yes, there are moments I look over old pictures of my family before these past four years and I wish I had started this journey much sooner in my adult life, but as my mantra quote above states, maybe I can't go back and start over, but I can finish with a new ending.

And I am doing just that.  

Happy 4 years to me!