I don't often journal. I go through phases really. It's one of those things I think is so dreamy and wonderful, but I rarely have, or make, time to do it. However, when I am really trying to focus on an issue, and am reading a book on the subject, I often journal about it. I make it a personal study of sorts to get out my thoughts. It's often interesting to look back and see where my head was at certain points in my life.
As I posted yesterday, I'm really feeling the mojo coming back to get my act together and lose the weight I've gained. I decided to journal a bit here and there as I get back on track. Below is my journal entry from yesterday. ( I even changed the color, because I was writing with a pink ink pen. *grin*) Enjoy...
Weight: 172 lbs.
April 21, 2014
Five years ago, almost to the day I read "body Clutter" and journaled my thoughts in this notebook. I was desperate and knew I had to do something to start losing weight and get control of my health.
In four years I lost 70 lbs., became fit and even ran a half marathon last September. I've read books, started and maintain a blog, had many talks with Stephanie ____, cried and prayed my way through change. It has not been easy, but I have been successful. A lot of my thoughts towards food have changed. I even maintained that loss for a year and my husband invested for me to have skin removal surgery on my abdomen.
And then my world changed...two days after surgery my mom died. Now, I don't really know if I can blame her death for where I'm at now, but it was the first thing that really threw me off my recovery plan. I had my surgery in January because that's a slier time of year for me and I knew I'd have plenty of time to recover before life got busy. Wrong.
Almost two months later [my son] broke his femur and had injury to his growth plate at the knee.
2014 has not turned out at all like expected so far and in the months since surgery I've put on about 5-7 lbs. Add this to the 5-6 I gained last fall after [my husband] returned from deployment and I'm at a weight I haven't seen in over a year.
My clothes are also all beginning to fit tight.
For the first time since losing weight I'm seeing what no exercise and unhealthy eating does to me .... I'm reminded of how I used to feel and even thought I'm not 230 I'm not happy.
I'm frustrated, but even more than that I'm motivated.
I've done this before. I know I can get these 12 lbs. off AND I know I Can reach 150 and be a comfortable size medium.
But I also know it's going to take some work. I've decided to read the book "Made to Crave" again and journal a little along the way.
This is a lifelong journey and I know weight will always be an issue I have to deal with. Craftiness comes easy to me ... eating better not so much.
To begin my quest to get back on track here are what I think went "wrong" and what I'm going to change.
--> A fall when running in December 2013 forced me to take workout break. And surgery Jan. 20th made me lazy to get as strong as I could because I knew I'd be forced to take another break.
+ --> Not working out (besides occasional walking/jogging) for 3 months postop ..I lost A LOT of muscle tone.
+ --> I did not adjust my eating to compensate for not exercising and even began extra "hidden" snacking again.
+ --> I quit tracking food
= Weight gain and loss of desire to care, except ... I refuse to quit and go back to being overweight and unhealthy.
--> I will track my food in My Fitness Pal 5 days a week.
--> I will exercise at least 4 days a week.
--> I will read "Made to Crave" and focus again on why my health is worth fighting for.
--> I will start classes at gym as soon as I have "ol" from dr.
--> I will stop "not caring". I've come too far to go back ... and surgery is going to be worth it. We didn't spend the $ so I'd gain back the weight.
--> I will not give up
Phil. 3:14 I will press on!! :)
One more thing...
My (updated) health goals:
- Reach 150 lbs.
- Be a comfortable size medium.
- Exercise 5 days a week. (30-60 mins)
- Drink at least 32 oz. water daily.
- Work on desiring healthy food choices/portions and gaining back control as I lose a few pounds.
Sunday, April 20 I was 172 lbs. I'll check back on the last day of the month.
"Everything is permissible -- but not everything is beneficial." 1 Cor. 10:23