Outside Walking & Small Problem

Hello! It's a very uncommonlybeautiful January day here. It's our first winter in this area and I'm told the warmer temperatures aren't the norm, but every day I've been able to walk outside this winter I've greatly enjoyed the abnormality of it. :)

I am thinking of getting back to the gym for some more intense exercise, but on days like this I don't want to give up my outside walking. hhmm... I want to start running again and the treadmill helps me stick to a faster pace for a duration of time, but the outside is so nice that I'd love to run out of doors. I have a Garmin, so I'll just have to be disciplined to push myself on.

Maybe I'll alternate classes and using weights at the gym with running out of doors. .. at least on the good days. This is a nice problem to have. :)

Speaking of nice problems I was at Wal-mart the other day and saw this cutie t-shirt for Valentine's day. It had a picture of a bike on it, with flowers in the basket on the front of the bike and the words...

LOVE ....

it's worth the ride!

Oh...I loved it!! But there was a small problem...

It was in the plus-sizes department and the smallest one is a 16w, which is too baggy on me now (especially in this brand's clothing). I looked all over the regular sizes and they didn't have the same t-shirt.. *sigh*

My face couldn't frown for too long because it's nice to have a problem where you are too small for some clothes...definitely a switch from the past. :)

Post-Surgery Walk

Good Monday morning!

This morning before taking the kids to school I asked them if they noticed anything different about me. They responded with things like, "You're smaller than before? That shirt isn't as tight as when you bought it? "

I replied...

"I'm in workout clothes today. "

"oooohhhh...." *bewildered faces*

"I'm going to go for a walk today for the first time since my surgery two weeks ago."

"OOOHH!" *smiles*

And I did.

I just got back from my first workout since my surgery. It was a very chilly 40 degrees out, but nice and sunny; so I put on the layers and headed out. I didn't push myself, but simply enjoyed the walk.

It is very nice to get back to normal. *contented sigh*

I hope your week is off to as nice a start as mine is!

Weigh-In ... Healing & Motivation to Stay Focused

Today's Weight: 179.0

Loss/Gain: -1.0 lb

This week has gone much better with regards to my eating. Well, the week ended up getting better anyway. I'm grateful for that. I'm also healing nicely and have had a day or two with little to no cramping. Hooray!! I'm going to start walking again next week and will take it easy if I feel any soreness afterwards.

Yesterday I listened to an older Jillian Michaels podcast and she had a caller ask her how to stay focused to reach a weight loss goal. This woman finds herself sliding back when she gets close to her goal weight. I found it interesting that I happen to pick that podcast, because I had just read a post on Prior Fat Girl about what keeps you motivated.

To generalize Jillian's reply she stated you have to have your own specific goals or reasons why you want to lose weight and it can't be to please someone else, or get back at someone else, etc. There has to be a deeper drive that comes from within, something that keeps you going when you are at the buffet with friends and need the push to stick to your plan. (I made up the circumstance).

hhmm....

That conversation kind of goes along with what I posted last Friday about having to face the reality of how much do I really want to be at a healthy weight. My thoughts lead me to the future and realizing I have to think about why I'm doing this, because if the motivation is shallow I won't stick to it when I get to goal; but if my reasons are deep and with a right conviction, then they will be a foundation on which I'll truly be able to build my healthy lifestyle on.

Again...hhmm...

Jillian suggested that this women make a specific list (not "be healthy") of what she hopes to accomplish in her weight loss and post copies of it everywhere to remind her. Now, I'm not going to burden my family with looking at my notes everywhere - LOL - sorry..that's not me, but I am going to think again about why I do this and maybe even try and remind myself of those reasons every morning.

Then I need to remind myself of it every hour... just kidding..kind of. Seriously, my problem isn't thinking of the list of reasons it's remembering them and being convicted of them enough to stick to my plan for longer than one meal. So, that is what I leave you with for the weekend.

Feel free to share your thoughts on what motivates you. What helps you stay focused?

Have a great weekend everyone!

P.S. Please know I'm not upset...just pondering. Staying motivated seemed to pop up a bit throughout my week..that's all. :)

Sleepytime Survey

Before heading to bed last night I read this post by Jane over at Running To Shed the Fat Suit. I thought it was a fun post and so I'm doing it today...while I *yawn* and get myself off to bed here soon. ...

Bed Time Survey

• How many hours of sleep do you get each night? Usually about 7 hours.
• What time do you usually go to bed? Anywhere between 10:00 p.m and 11:00 pm
• What time do you get up during the workweek? 6:15 am, though my alarm starts sounding at 5:50..I love snooze and set it early on purpose..makes me feel like I'm getting a few more minutes...why do we do that?!? LOL
• What do you wear to bed? Sleep Shirt. I have never been comfortable sleeping with pants/shorts on...unless I'm freezing cold, then I'll wear flannel pants too.

• What is the last thing you do before bed? Use the bathroom. Always. I have to right before I get into bed..it's a habit that drives my husband nuts. :) But I don't wake in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and I think that's why. :)
• Does coffee wake you up? Yes, and some mornings the thought of it is what gets me out of bed, well that and knowing I have to get the kids off to school. :) Lately I'm noticing it keeps me up if I have it too late in the evening. That never used to happen before...is it my age?!? hhmm....
• Does vodka put you to sleep? I've never had even a sip of alcohol, so I've no idea.

• How do you sleep: On your side, stomach or back? Side and stomach.
• Do you dream about real-life things or complete fantasies? Usually a modge podge of things I've seen that day or read about, but in a very mixed up way....silly like.
• Ever had a reoccurring dream? The only thing I've dreamt repeatedly, though it's not often, is my mouth is closed, I push my tongue against my teeth and they give...just push straight out. It grosses me out/freaks me out every time and I'm always grateful to wake up to strong teeth that are in place. No idea where that came from, because I didn't have one cavity until I had my first kids.
• Which is worse: Being too hot or too cold in bed? Too hot.
• What size is your bed? Queen.

So, this is pretty useless, but I thought it was fun and kind of different. So, want to share your bedtime routine? Just comment if you post about it and I'll come read. :)

G'nite!

Healthy Heart Weekend

In the spirit of all things pink, red and hearts I'd like to invite you to join me in the 2nd Annual Bloggers' Healthy Heart Weekend challenge coming up February 10th - 12th put on by Lori at Finding Radiance.

The directions are as follows:

"On this weekend, do some kind of activity on 1 of the 3 days of Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. You don’t have to have a blog in order to join, either.

Like last year, I just want this to be a focus on getting healthy. If you want to walk, that’s fine. Elliptical bunny? Knock yourself out! Take a long bike ride? Go for it! The only stipulation is that you need to take a picture of yourself before, during, or after your event and send it to me. I will post the pictures here. Get creative, too! You don’t have to have your face in the photo if you don’t want to, so have fun with it!

Date: Just before Valentine’s, of course! February 10th, 11th, and 12th! Feel free to chose Friday, Saturday, or Sunday to complete your event.

Distance: Your choice. I know many of you are training for an event, so you can use whatever distance fits in with your training plan. It’s all about a healthy heart, not a specific distance or time.

After you complete your event, please email me the photo and what you did at javaqueen01 (at) yahoo.com ."

I did this last year and love the idea. So, I'm going to do it again this year.

My commitment is to take a 5 mile walk.

Join me?

Mixed Monday Musings

Now how's that for a title? :) I was thinking all morning how I could name this post, and I'm quite proud of what I came up with.

Okay, seriously...

I'd offer a "short story" but there is none, so just grab a drink and settle in...I'm trying to stay immobile to heal, so I've got lots of time to blog this afternoon. *giggle*

First off, I want to thank you for your kind words and encouragement on Friday's post. I am definitely my own worst critic and just didn't want to sound like making excuses for my gain again.

Of course, the more I think about it the more I have to make myself realize that last week wasn't a week of excuses as much as it was a week of learning, so maybe I was a bit too hard on myself on Friday.

I seriously did not think this surgery was going to have the effect it's had on my body. The cramping and pain are not horrible, but I expected to be back to normal within a day or so. I did not expect to have any pain almost a week later. The doctor said there would be cramping and minimal spotting, which is exactly what I've had.

After a millionth moment of frustration at having to stay still my husband explained it like this to me:

Husband: "I'm very sore in my legs from playing at the park Saturday and I need to suck it up and deal with it, but if I had a sprained ankle and was sore I would need to stay off it until it heals. You're menstrual cramps are something you just had to deal with and keep going, but this is cramping due to a wound healing and you have to rest or it won't heal."

My hero. :)

So, I have to repeat this to myself almost every day and then fend off the tears when I feel useless. Or, like I did in church yesterday, I make myself be thankful that this isn't a permanent disability and that I have a family who is so helpful and pitching in around the house.

When I really thought about all this I also came to the realization that I still need to remember that food is not going to take away the frustrations. Unfortunately I think that is how I reacted last week..."My life is out of norm, I'm sitting a majority of the day, so why not eat like I used to when all I did was sit around all day?" hhmmm... no. Not good.

So, that's enough of that. The week is over, and today is a new day.

And on this new day I received a text that brightened my morning. It was from my brother and went like this:

Brother: Thought you'd find this interesting: I changed my diet a month ago and I've already lost 20 lbs. :-)

Me: **** that's great! Are you doing any specific plan?

Brother: No name for it. Just cut back significantly on calorie intake and started eating healthier calories. Lots of fruit and nuts. Also started a food journal.

We went on for a few more texts and he shared some neat

things with me about what he has changed. We shared numbers of where we started and where we hope to be and agreed to keep in touch on the subject.

Folks, loving people for who they are is something I'm very proud to say my family has always done. My brother wasn't heavy growing up, but I was always a little chunky and home was a safe haven of love and acceptance. In adulthood both my brother and I put on weight, but we never treated each other any differently for it; neither have either of our spouses. This is something I've always been grateful for.

That being said there are certain health issues we have to be honest about, like Type 2 Diabetes running in our mother's family. For that reason I'm so glad to hear he is taking care of himself, and I'm looking forward to sharing more of this journey with him.

I think that's it for now. I really am a blessed woman and so grateful for the hope of real change that I see in my future. It may be put on hold for a bit while I recoup, but it will happen. I'm confident of that.

I hope your week is off to a good start! Mine sure is. :)

Weigh-In ... Do I Really Want It?

Today's Weight: 180.0

Loss/Gain: +2.0 lbs

Short Story:

I'm a upset with this gain, because it reflects my poor eating habits this week. I can not use my surgery as an excuse, because I overate. Plain and simple, and it frustrates me that I can get a grip on myself with food sometimes and not others...like a week when I know I can't exercise. But quitting is not an option for me, so I will get my act together.

Long Story:

I'll be honest by saying I'm upset with the gain. In fact, I've been at 180 pretty much since surgery and I'm sure it's because of the sitting around all day, but still needing to eat. I feel like I'm making an excuse for the gain if I blame it on the surgery because I did not eat the best this week either.

This bugs me. It bugs me because I knew I wasn't going to be able to exercise, but I didn't stick to eating only what my body needed being stationary most of the days post-surgery . It was amazing how little I was truly hungry, but still ate out of habit or boredom.

Times like this remind me that exercise is definitely necessary for the metabolism-challenged like myself. But it also reminded me that I have to get serious and want to eat like I want to lose weight and not solely depend on squeaking by because I worked out hard. humph.

I have found myself thinking, "Do I really want this bad enough to change all the way?" It's one thing to make small changes and then stay here 50 pounds lighter, but still a good 40 pounds away from a healthy weight. But do I want to make those deeper, more meaningful changes that will get me to my goal weight and become my new way of living?

Of course, I think, "Yes, I want that!", but my actions don't prove it. Case in point:

I was talking to a lady this last week who told me she's lost a lot of weight about four years ago and sometimes it's still so hard. She is in her 40s, a petite thin thing (I forgot to ask how much she lost, but she said she started around 190 pounds and she's 5 feet tall.)n and goes to the gym daily. She said it's not the portions she has a problem with, but the types of food.

As I talked with her a little about my journey, discussed how hard maintenance is for her and told her about Diane's blog I sat with a plate of nachos that were served at the baby shower we were attending. I've recently gotten to the point where I ask for "less, no cheese " or something like that at the showers and they know I'm watching what I eat and are fine with it. Well, Monday I had the "I can't eat anything after midnight, so might as well eat a plate full." mentality because of my surgery coming up the next day. While I'm talking to this woman I was so convicted that I'm telling her I'm trying to lose weight, but eating corn chips with nacho cheese, refried beans, shredded chicken, lettuce, tomato and homemade salsa on top.

What a great testimony, huh?!?! Sheesh.

I told her later I was so encouraged by her story and convicted at the same time for how I was eating while discussing weight issues with her. She was very kind and encouraging and reminded me that it's hard work every day.

So, I said all that to say this...I can't make excuses for this week. Had I done my best to be careful with the food side of things since the exercise wasn't taking place and still seen a gain I wouldn't feel so bad. But I didn't.

I need to put actions to my words or I might as well quit. And since quitting is not an option for me the only other choice is to get my act together. I still don't see any great exercise in the next week, but I know I can control the food. So that is what I will work on.

Oh, the pain of facing ones self and learning lessons the hard way.....

Thanks for listening and have a great weekend everyone!

Taking It Easy

Well, recovery is going fine. I'm taking it easy so everything will heal quickly. Yesterday I had a too long of a gap between taking pain killers and was reminded that I am indeed healing from a minor surgery. ouch.

The pain isn't worse than my monthly cramps (yes, they have always been awful..), but, as my husband said, wound healing is more serious than menstrual cramps and I need to be careful. I keep thinking of men who undergo vasectomies and think they can just up and continue on with their life only to be in worse pain a few days later because they pushed to hard. We've heard a couple of those stories and I don't want that to be me.

So, I get dressed and then do a couple of things before sitting down to watch a movie or read a book. Then I get up and do something else small if I need to. I have a hard time making myself not do too much, but I know I'll be glad later if I allow my body to heal now.

Have a nice day and thanks for stopping by!

Recovering

All went well with my procedure today and I've spent most of the evening sleeping on and off. My husband has been awesome. He made stuffing and gravy to go along with some leftover turkey (that he grilled yesterday) and mashed potatoes, and took care of getting us all fed dinner. In fact, the evening - showers and such for the kids - all went fine.

Love dat man!

The doctor said to take it easy for the next couple of days, so I plan to. :)

Is Life After Weight Loss Possible?

I've been busy today getting getting various chores completed before my surgery tomorrow (I'll write more post-procedure, but I'm having endometrial ablation done), so I thought I'd direct you over to Diane's blog to read a very good post she wrote today on the subject of hope in weight loss maintenance.

Click here: The Fat Trap is Pretty Depressing, But There is Hope

Also, in case you care... this was my comment on her blog, because her post really made me think:

"It sounds like that article would be very depressing. Why would people want to lose weight if there wasn't the hope of keeping it off? My first thoughts came like this:

Firstly, I can do all things through Christ. If a person who was addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. can accept Christ and see a complete change in his/her life, then I too can accept His help and see that same change in my addictive habits with food. And since I've seen that 180 degree change in non-food ways in people I know personally, then I know I can cling to that hope myself.

Secondly, I see people like you, Lori and a close friend of mine, to name a few, who have overcome their issues with food to the extent that you are able to keep the weight off. Yes, I see what you do to maintain and there are days I feel I'll never be the "superwoman" of weight loss you are in my eyes, BUT...I realize that I do want it bad enough to become the person who can maintain a healthy weight. I learn from those of you I see succeeding in maintenance and I know it's worth it.

Thank you so much for putting out a rebuttal to that article, Diane. We need more people like you who are honest about what it takes, and offer the hope that it can be done.

Have a great week!"

Weigh-In ... Not Low Carb

Today's Weight: 178.0

Loss/Gain: 0

I looked at the scale this morning and said, "I'll take a maintain any day over a gain.". TOM arrived yesterday, so between that and the PMS cravings leading up to it I was totally expecting this. I'm very content with it and just grateful not to be up.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I don't like to speak crudely or about very personal matters publicly; however letting you know that my menstrual period has arrived always seems appropriate as it's often the week each month when I either see a maintain or a gain. This is no big deal to some because they share very private information online, but I wanted to clarify why I share this every month.

I wonder if bloggers that share this info start getting on the same cycle like girls that live in the same house do? LOL Anyway, it's just always interesting to me the factors that surround the female monthly cycle and how it affects our weight.

For example, cravings for sweets and regular soda (or even diet nowadays) nine times out of ten equals PMS for me. An interesting thing I noticed this week was that when I would try and cut back on the sweets I found myself munching on crackers and other carb-rich foods. hhmmm....

It's another post for another time, but I'm finding that I do better when I cut back on my starchy, white carbohydrate laden foods (no surprise, I know...most people do.. LOL) so it's very interesting that right before my cycle that is exactly what I want most of. More hhmm...

Well, that's it for now. I will let you get back to your Friday activities. Have a great weekend and thanks for checking in!

Movin' It

Last evening on our way to church I shared with my husband about walking 3 miles in 45 minutes earlier that day. He asked me if I've been running lately. I told him no, but I'm going to get back on it in a couple of weeks. I told him about my goal of running another 5K this year, but that I really want to get to running 3 miles a few times a week, not just once for a race.

In a week I have an outpatient procedure scheduled that could put me out for a couple of days, so I really don't want to start running until I can continue without stopping. So, I told him in the meantime I'm pushing myself to walk faster. He then asked how fast I ran my first 5K two years ago. Um, 43:44 minutes.

We had a good chuckle at the fact that two years and another 25 pounds later I can walk almost almost as fast as I ran then. :)

Rainy Afternoon

I thought I should pop in and let you know that my week is getting better in the food arena. I didn't overindulge in sweets yesterday like on Monday. whew! I'm also getting back into my groove with walking and enjoying it.

There are some thoughtful posts brewing in my mind, but today is not the time. I've had a lazy morning and now that I'm done with lunch I'm going to do something crafty before leaving to get my kids from school. The rain has started coming down again, so it's a lovely, cloudy, rainy afternoon to be home and indoors. I see an afternoon cup of coffee in the near future...

I love days like this!!!

One of Those Days

My day started off okay, but the eating has gotten worse...I'm finding myself wanting sweets, Coke ( the real stuff) and carbs...

Suddenly I realized those foods along with an "I don't care." attitude usually means PMS.

Yep, it appears to have been one of those days. I'm not totally sure if it really is the monthly, but zi am grateful for tomorrow. A new day with no mistakes in it yet. :)

Weigh-In ... 1st of the New Year

Today's Weight: 178.0

Loss/Gain: - 3.5 lbs

First off, yes I'm doing a little happy dance over here.

(Can you look at anything Calvin and Hobbes and NOT smile?? )

My joyful dance isn't solely because I lost all but half a pound of what I gained over Christmas week, but also because I had some great non-scale victories as well.

The first being that I participated in a time of fasting and prayer earlier this week with my church. We do this corporately twice a year in prayerful preparation of our semi-annual Bible conference at our headship church. Sometimes I can commit to the entire time of fasting, sometimes only part of it, but I always commit to the praying.

Usually as the fast approaches I begin to miss food. Yes, like days before I know I'm going to fast I begin to mourn the fact that I won't get to eat. It's pretty pathetic, but also common so I don't feel so bad. I also wake up the morning of the fast and terribly, horribly, excruciatingly miss my coffee.

We do a water-only fast and I am a woman of ritual, which includes, I'm sorry to say, a very strong addictive habit of two cups of coffee every morning. Fasting from it breaks up my routine AND gives the worst headache. *smirk* Both of which I dread....

However, this time around I did not dread not eating food, nor did I dread giving up my coffee. I knew it had to be done and I knew the food and coffee would be there afterwards.

[dramatic pause] I am convinced this is due much in part to the fact that I am breaking that all-consuming relationship with food in my life.

My second victory came into play post-fasting when I did not overeat to make up for the time without food. We always eat a large meal to break our time of fasting and I did eat plenty at that meal. The rest of the time I ate until satisfied and I actually kept drinking water (which I usually despise for a couple days after fasting...blech..).

Not making up for lost time in the calories department showed on the scale this morning. It also showed me that I can do this!! I'm very encouraged...in fact so encouraged I think I'll do another happy dance.

Have a great weekend everyone!

..In With the New

aaaahhhhh.......

Do you hear that? It's the sound of my house falling into the calm rhythm that follows a few months of holiday craziness. It's what I love about this time of year. The celebrating is over and I can sit and relax and ponder what things I'd like to work on in the less busy wintry months to come.

I've never been one to write New Year's resolutions, but I do sit and think about projects I've put off. I think about ways to productively spend the next few months before the itch to start spring cleaning hits.

With regards to my weight I mentioned last year that I consider my years in this weight loss journey to begin and end in May. So, that is really the month I sit and review where I'm at and where I want to go.

However, as a new year begins I have to admit I do think about where I'd like to be in my health by this time next year. So, in the spirit of life goals and resolutions I have the following plans for 2012:

• I will continue striving for better, in all aspects of my life - especially getting cards/gifts in the mail on time...I've gotten really bad about that lately.
• I will stay focused on reaching a healthy weight without allowing myself to feel like a failure if I have a setback. It is time to finish the losing leg of this journey.
• I will run in a 5K race this year. I decided it's time to run another race. My plan is to lose more weight and in turn better my race time since I'll be carrying less weight. I'm thinking next fall will be a nice time to race. My time to beat is: 43:44

It's not anything new and exciting, but when I kept thinking about any goals I might set for myself this year all I could think was I'll just keep doing what I know to do. No new diet, no tricks. Just the simple act of doing.

And I know doing it, instead of talking about doing it, is what will help me continue on in my new ending. :)

p.s. Can I also throw out there that I need to work on not being afraid to be the new Leah? Someday I'll write about that, but it's a struggle I face on and off...being okay with letting the old habits go and allowing myself to be a woman I only dreamed of being before..in more ways than my weight too. Another topic for another time...