FOCUS is My Word

Short Story: FOCUS is the word I've chosen to keep in mind this year as I accomplish all God wants for me, including reaching my weight loss goals.

Long Story:

During the month of January the morning radio personalities on the national radio station K-Love have been talking about picking out a word for the year 2011. They were making a big deal about having a word for yourself for this year and how it helped each of them last year, yada. yada. Honestly, I thought this was silly every time I heard them talk about it, but nonetheless it got me thinking.

If I had to pick one word to encourage, motivate, describe or in any way keep in the back of my mind this year what would I pick? hhmmm.... Overcome? Finish? "Ah well", I'd think, "I'm not picking one anyway, so it doesn't matter."

Of course, it kept nagging me, because I thought, "It could be a good thing to have one word to remind me what I'm doing in life." hhmmm... more thinking....

Then our pastor preached a week or so ago on staying focused. He used the scriptures around Philippians 3:14, which happened to be my scripture on my high school graduation announcements.

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. "

He preached on staying focused on what God wants of us; watching out for distractions that would take us away from serving God. It was an answer to prayer, because I tend to get distracted and lose focus in many areas of my life.

I've always known this, but it was really brought out to my attention when I kept wondering what it is that keeps me from losing weight more steadily. As I began some serious introspection I realized, er, was willing to admit, I get distracted easily and lose focus on on projects and goals.

I set out to start something wonderful and then I end up not finishing it. Okay, I do get some things done, but I have a box full of unfinished projects and half a room full of craft stuff that's waiting to be made into the perfect "______". I even have cards that never got mailed and, more than I care to admit, I have days that seem to fly by with really nothing to show for them. Put me at work or with an appointment and I'm fine, but left to myself...*shaking head*...slightest distractions can keep me from getting things completed in a timely manner.

Okay...focus...focus...for the sake of my blog I'll stick with the weight loss area of my life in this.

Gosh, countless times I find myself doing well part of a day, part of a week and then not the rest of the time. That's what leads to great losses some weeks and not-so-great losses, or no loss, others. I know I'm not alone in this, but it's not something to be taken lightly when it's stopping me from reaching my goals.

I know it's okay to lose slowly and if it takes forever, then fine...unless it's simply because I'm getting distracted and not staying focused. Then, I don't think it is okay. I need to get with it and "git er done".

So, I prayed and committed to being more focused. Focused on what God wants of me as a woman, wife and mother, including being focused on reaching my weight loss goal. I know making it to the end of this journey ultimately is up to me. As I pray and work on staying focused I'll have to remind myself of that fact often. Like it says in James 2:26:

"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."

Post Script

To start I bought a weekly calendar to write down chores I need to complete daily, just one or two things that HAVE to get done...and "workout" is one of them. :)

Weigh In ... Motivation Question

Today's Weight: 187.0

Loss/Gain: +1.5 lbs

Total Loss So Far: -44.0 lbs

TOM arrived this week, so I'm not surprised about the gain. Of course, it's never fun, but at least I know what's up.

I have to say that I made it through PMS without any chocolate this month!! Woo Hoo!! When I started my no-desserts month I wondered how it would be during this week. It wasn't too bad, but it has been the couple of days that a piece of chocolate has sounded good more than once. :)

That's about it for today for me.

I leave you with with a question that a friend asked me this week and I'm curious what everyone has to say on the subject. She had reached her healthy weight about five or six years ago and has since gained it all back. She said she wonders what happened.

So, if you ever lost weight in the past and gained it back what do you think caused you to lose your motivation to stick to whatever was helping you stay thin?

Share as much as you care too. Thanks!

Sweet Cravings & Exercise

Oh, my...

Short Story: I had my first big craving for chocolate in 2.5 weeks and did not give in. I also made myself exercise this evening when I really. really. did NOT want to. Go me.

Long Story:

After dinner tonight I had my first real sweets/chocolate craving since starting this no desserts thing. Seriously, up until tonight it hasn't been that hard to stay out of the desserts. Okay, well except for the first week, but I digress.

Funny thing though is I realized I was in a munching-don't-feel-like-doing-anything-PMS-feeling-like-a-fat-failure mood and suddenly I made myself stop for a minute and think, "Is it really the chocolate I'm craving? or just the bad habit of dipping into the M&Ms to avoid a chore I know I need to finish this evening?"

hhmm... It was definitely interesting to see what my brain was thinking since I knew I wasn't allowing myself a sweets dessert this month.

I had heard eating an apple will take the craving away, but we had just eaten dinner and I was full, so I settled for a small single-serve unsweetened apple sauce with strawberry instead. I'd say the craving went away, but I went away instead...to the other room to finish folding my laundry. The craving is no longer there, so I assume it went away as well, but I didn't wait around after eating the applesauce to bid it goodbye. *giggle*

Then I forced myself to finish up folding the laundry and eventually a workout with Jillian...ugh. I SO DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS TONIGHT. I fought every step it took to get dressed, put the DVD in, etc, etc.

Of course, behind the fuzzied thinking that is my brain on PMS I know I'm glad I got it done, but I wasn't glad at the time - even when it was finished. I was just PMS'y with a sweaty body and shaky muscles added into the mix. :)

Now that I've finished up my chores and am about to go shower and get to bed I can smile a bit a bit. I can smile because I exercised my body when I didn't feel like it, and I exercised my willpower to not give in to sweets just because I was bored. Again... go me. :)

G'nite!

I'm In For A Healthy Heart

I'm very excited to share about the 1st Annual Healthy Heart Virtual Run/Walk being put on by Lori at Finding Radiance.

The basic rules are that you need to run, walk, elliptical or bike a distance of your choice, on February 11th, 12th or 13th,and prove that you did so by submitting a photo with all the details to Lori.

She's even giving away prizes!!

So, what are you waiting for? Click here to read all the details and to sign up.

Oh me??

I'll be running a 5K (3.1 miles) on Friday, February 11th.

Let me know if you decide to join. I'd love to hear about it! :)

Traveling NSV

We've been out of town for the last 24 hours. Now that we're home kids are showering or playing Xbox and I'm checking email and blogs.

As I was checking in on my regular weight loss blogs I follow I realized I have a non-scale victory to report today. So, while everyone else is busy, and the computer is all mine (insert fiendish giggle here), I'm going to share.

Short Story: I did not overeat at any restaurant meals or eat snacks in between meals while lounging at our hotel or driving to and from our destination. I also drank lots of water. I did all of this without really meaning to, as in I didn't stress about it. I simply kept it in the back of my mind and it happened. :)

Long Story: Read on....

First off, we went out to eat after arriving to our destination and I ate what I wanted from Romano's Macaroni Grill (YUM). I didn't pick the healthiest items, but I enjoyed what I ate and didn't overeat. SCORE!

I also skipped the mango and peach flavored iced teas and settled for a unsweetened tea that I sweetened with Sweet 'N Low. I knew this would save on calories and I really didn't need that added sugar. SCORE AGAIN!

When we got back to the room I was satisfied to hang out with the family WITHOUT snacking for the rest of the night. DOUBLE SCORE (as this is the first time I remember ever being in a hotel and not snacking.)

Today we've eaten out for breakfast and lunch/dinner and except for two bites from my husband's Slim Jim I've eaten no snacks. Both meals I ate what I felt like having and stopped when satisfied. SCORE!

We even stopped to put gas and get drinks before heading home and I settled myself with a cup of coffee. I didn't even want a snack of chips or junk. SCORE!

The funny thing about all this is that I didn't even plan to stay focused or on plan when we left. That is to say I didn't stress out about what I would eat. I packed a protein bar and some almonds in case I got stuck being hungry while we were out and about, but I never even touched them. I also did take half of a case of water and managed to drink about 84 ounces of it just today.

Amazingly, none of those choices were hard. Each choice just came to me, like that's what I do now. I guess for all of my negativity and wanting to quit I need to remember days like this and remind myself that those changes are really happening in me, and because they are I know I can reach my goals. :)

Glory!!!

Weigh-In - Nice

Today's Weight: 185.5

Loss/Gain: -1/5 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -45.5 lbs

I'm glad to see the scale back down and trying to enjoy it for what it is. I only worked out once this week due to this cold I'm fighting, so I'm a little frustrated that the week I don't workout I lose. Weird. At least it shows I can lose when not exercising too.

I'm trying to be content, but I'll be happy when I'm seeing continued losses again. I know that's no one's fault but my own, so I'll keep pressing on. I won't quit. :)

Have a great day!

Staying Warm

Everyone is home today due to "inclement weather" (a sprinkle of snow and icy roads) and my head is stuffy and achy. So, we're relaxing, I'm taking stuff for my head and drinking lots of fluids and a friend is bringing her kids over to hang out while I fold laundry.

I don't see exercise happening until my head clears up, so I'm trying to be careful about my calories. Funny when you don't workout you're not as hungry. :)

I'll be back tomorrow with my weigh-in.

Two (happy)Things

Two small things I meant to mention around here that my husband had part in:

1. We've switched to 2% milk for him and the kids - for the first time ever. He's always drank whole milk and so have the kids until almost two weeks ago. He's made a few comments on it, but so far it's going over pretty good. I told the kids this was another change for the better, and I promised to only make one change per month. :)
2. When at the grocery store last week I mentioned, "Oh, our one bag of chips is finally gone. Do you want to grab another one?" His reply was, "No." So we didn't. We've been limiting it to one bag of chips in the house, but not even that this week. :) We had hot dogs the other night with cucumber slices sprinkled with salt and lime (yea, anything tastes good with lime juice and salt!!!). Kids love 'em and no one missed chips! :)

These are things I'm grateful for today. G'nite!

Probably Not Today

First off, I tried to comment on my post yesterday and tell y'all that when I told my husband about posting that I felt like a gazelle while running he rolled his eyes at me. LOL A big, "OH BROTHER!" rolling of the eyes. More LOL'ing. =)

Today my daughter has an orthodontics appointment, I paid bills, started laundry and have a very scratchy, painful throat and achy head today, so I may not exercise. We'll see... I don't like taking my break day so early in the week, but I want to see if taking it easy will keep my head from getting any worse. hhmm.... So, I'm going to gargle with salt water and sip hot tea. :)

Have a nice day!

Okay, and here's something else I was spending time on this morning...totally off weight-loss topic, but if you're a scrapbooker check this out. It's an idea to have a scrapbook album done by the end of the year (for those of us who fall behind/are behind). I love to scrapbook, but really don't even have one full album completed for my family yet. Anyway, now it's time to get lunch and get ready to take dear daughter to the orthodontist.

Now really, have a good day!

I'm a Gazelle

Towards the end of my breakdown last week, after I had confirmed that I would not quit my journey, I told my husband something like this:

The funny thing is that when I am walking down the stairs from the cardio machines at the gym to the weights floor I feel so strong and fit. I know I'm chubby and I'm running at a slow pace of 4.8 mph on average (a 12:30 mile), but I feel like a thin, strong girl and I don't care what anyone says or thinks.

Yep, I ran two miles in 25:05 minutes today and again I felt so strong. On the treadmill I may look like a hippo bouncing along, but in my mind I'm a gazelle - gliding along. :)

Weigh-In - I Wanted to Quit

...but I didn't and I won't.

Today's Weight: 187.0

Loss/Gain: +/- 0.0

Total Loss So Far: - 44.0 lbs.

This past week has been very interesting. I appreciate all the comments about how to deal with sweet cravings. I have to say though that I haven't been craving sweets - just food. Wednesday and yesterday I finally felt like I was getting back to my normal self. So, this is good...and probably why I have a maintain instead of a gain.

When I say I wanted to quit I'm very serious. I'd had it with myself and my weight yesterday. I had two meltdowns yesterday where I was in tears with thoughts of..

• It's not fair!
• I'm tired of fighting this battle!
• I'll never learn!
• I'll never be thin!
• I'll never overcome this issue in my life!
• I'm probably fighting something that's just meant to be..a chubby Leah.

The second meltdown came right before bed and my husband talked with me about it (love dat man!). I had already talked to my good friend and weight loss support friend, Stephanie, earlier and thought I was over it, but apparently not. He listened, supported, blessed me with comments of how proud his is of me (more loving him...) and shared his words of wisdom.

Through my tears of frustration I told him, "For the first time in a LONG time I just want to quit, but I know that would be dumb. I can't quit and I won't."

So that's where I am today. I am very grateful for this maintain instead of a gain that I was expecting, and I'm not going to quit...to borrow the colloquialism... even if it kills me. =)

(Which we all know it won't, because being healthy and fit never hurt anybody. *sheepish grin* )

No-Sweets No Fun Right Now

Well, it's day seven of no sweets and it's not going so great.

Don't get me wrong...I haven't had any desserts or sweets since last Wednesday night, but it's been causing all kinds of havoc in my eating none the less. argh.

Last weekend I found myself eating bites of pasta and pizza so much that I was up on Monday, but a bit. It's like there is this craving that I'm not allowing myself to satisfy so I'm filling up on everything else hoping for it to go away.

Frustrating and weird all at the same time. I did not expect this to happen at all.

So, I'm doing some thinking and asking questions of my weigh-loss journey peers (the pros who have maintained their weight losses for a while now) to decide whether or not I'll be continuing this for a whole month.

I don't want to back out of a commitment, but I also don't want this no-sweets thing to backfire on my efforts. I was losing in December (prior to 5.5 gain week) and still having one treat a day, because I fit it into my calorie budget. So, this is frustrating me.

Anyway, that's where that lovely idea is right now. I'll be sticking to it until further notice and I'll keep you posted on what I learn in the process. Fun or not. :)

I Am A Regular

Today was my second day back to the gym after the kids have gone back to school. It felt great. I told my husband on Friday that I want a t-shirt that says something like this on the back (to be read by others when I'm jogging on the treadmills, which are in front of a row of bikes and a row of ellipticals):

I am a regular here. I started coming a year ago and barely began jogging a year ago, and now I'm on my second year of running.

Okay, okay, that would be too long to put on a t-shirt, but being that it's the beginning of a new year, and I'm still chubby, I wonder if people think I'm one of the new-years-resolutionists. I comfort myself with the fact that, well. ..... I'm not. :) I'm a regular at the gym and I am getting stronger with each visit.

(dramatic pause)

You know, it's actually a really good feeling...to be a regular at a gym. I know that I'm not there in January because I feel guilty about how out of shape I am, and I need to try and lose weight again, yada, yada. I'm there because it's what I do now. I've lost 44 pounds and I exercise 3-4 days a week. This is my life.

Love that feeling!

Have a great week everyone!

Weigh-In - Sweets Break

Today's Weight: 187.0

Loss/Gain: -4.0 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -44.0 lbs

Yay! The scale is going back in the right direction! :) I'm very happy with this loss, because I've cut back, my eating is getting back to normal, and it showed.

Yesterday began a break from sweets and sugar for me. I remember Diane mentioning once that when she started her journey she didn't eat any chocolate for a month. She said something to the effect of it was an area of struggle and she needed to cut it out completely because she couldn't handle just a little bit when she started out.

Now I can usually handle my small amount of chocolate chips, or just a cookie, and I've gotten good at fitting it into my day... but... sometimes I can not. During the holidays it was mostly high calorie real food that put the weight on, but it was also some very yummy desserts.

I decided that I'm going to cut out desserts and sweets. They can often be the extra 100 calories that I don't need in my day. I'm not going as far as to not eat a protein bar that has chocolate on it, just no desserts, sweets or sugared drinks for a month.

Wish me luck!

Taking Back my 2011 Goals

Okay, ever since I posted about my goals for 2011 I've had these nagging thoughts about how I really don't feel like the new calendar year is MY new year. I started my weight loss journey in May of 2009, so my years begin and end in that month.

Also, for what it's worth...every major move in my life since I graduated high school has been around May/June. I think something about the end of a school year, major moves and then the "official" start of my weight loss journey all being in May really makes me feel like that's when my years change...Weird, I know, but this has been bothering me for the past week.

So, after much thought, I've decided I'm taking back my 2011 goals. I kept feeling like setting those goals put me with the masses of people who were setting New Year's resolutions of losing weight and exercising and I don't want to be a part of that group.

Somewhere around Thanksgiving I was already planning to kick things up a notch after the holidays and really see how close to my goal I could come by my husband's graduation on June 4, 2011. It seemed fitting to announce those plans around the new year, but it's just a continuation of my journey, not a new start.

My "new year" will be celebrated in May and my goals to finish out this year of my weight loss journey are as follows:

• Get as close to my goal of 130/135 as I can.
• Get to running regularly and have my speed faster than it is now.

I will be doing this by:

• Using Tap and Track to journal my calories daily, I think right now I'm at 1200 net calories a day, so about 1500 when I work out heavy. I'm going to double check on that.
• Allowing myself only one high calorie day a week.
• Drinking at least 64 oz. of water daily.
• Exercising at least four days a week, maybe even upping the intensity when my schedule allows.

I'm not sure if I'll be updating whether or not I meet these weekly goals on my Friday weigh-ins. I posted with this today because I want it to have it's own place in my blog.

Yes, we are entering a new year, but I'm just continuing on in my journey...not really starting anything new. And I'm really excited to keep it going and "get 'er done". :)

Thanks for allowing me my weirdness! :) Actually, I would've done it whether you agree or not... LOL It is "MY New Ending" after all. (said in giggling, lightweight voice)

I'll be back tomorrow with my weigh-in. :)

Less Already

Not much to say today except that this morning my scale showed a number less than Friday. I'm glad to know I'll most likely show a loss this week. That's a switch for a Monday for me...usually I'm up a little from the weekend. It's a nice feeling.

I hope your week is off to a good start! We have two more days with the kids home from school and then things will really begin to get back to normal. :)

Happy Monday!

Ready For A New Year

Well, I've enjoyed a nice, lazy New Year's day today. The busyness of the holidays is over and we just stayed home and kicked back. It was so nice!

It's kind of funny, but I don't have any deep poetic thought about a new year. That is, except that I'm am so ready to get back to my new normal way of eating. For the first time in my life I have indulged and I'm really done with all the indulgences. They were fun while they lasted, but my body and mind are ready to get back to work on weight loss.

This is a new concept for me. Usually I'm telling myself that I have to get back on track because I know I need to, not really because I want to. The past day or so I've already found myself cutting back without really meaning to because I'm just done with the junk and large servings.

Next week life will get back to my new normal and I am ready for it.

Oh, one more thing...

I also wanted to share this link with you. Jen over at Prior Fat Girl posted today about why she started her healthiness journey. It's fairly short, and oh so inspiring. You can read it by clicking here.

Until next time....