20 lbs = Hope

Me last April at my brother's wedding and Me today at church.

(sorry for less-than-optimal second photo...)

The reoccurring theme that's been in my mind all weekend has been that hitting my 20-pounds-lost mark has really done something to my moral.

It has given me hope like nothing I've felt thus far.

When I weighed myself and realized that I had passed the 20 pound mark of weight loss I realized that I was truly seeing something happen in my life. The weight is really coming off.

Six months ago I felt like it was hopeless and I had resigned myself to being the fat wife and mom. But I had decided that I was going to be okay with being a heavy woman. I wasn't going to hate myself for it. Yet, deep inside I was still miserable to some extent and I was scared of failure so I wasn't about to try dieting again.

Somewhere deep inside I knew I had to do something and that if I could just keep the scale from going up anymore that would be better than nothing.

Then I had a glimmer of hope in the shape of a nod from my husband, a talk with a friend and a talk with my mom. I could try and do something about my health, just start with little changes.

Though my journey has been slow, I haven't quit and now I've lost 21 pounds. I feel like there is real hope for me after all. Plus, I'm not on a diet, but I'm learning how to make better food choices and listen to my body. This means to me that what I am doing is going to last - it's not just a program that will have an end. These are changes that are going to become, or have starting becoming, permanent.

For some reason that encourages me the most.

-I'm learning that exercise is a must and saving treats for once in a while is necessary.

-I'm learning I really like fruits and even a lot of vegetables.

-I'm learning that I really do feel better when I keep the fat % low.

-I'm learning that it's not so bad to have water with a meal.

-I'm learning that diet soda is a good way to cut out 140 calories a pop... pun intended. :)

-I'm learning that the hard work is worth it.

-I'm learning that I don't have to be the fat wife and mom anymore.

-I'm learning there is hope for someone who has spent most of her life heavy.

And it feels so good! There is an inexplicable joy that I am feeling about where I'm at right now. Maybe because I weigh what I did when we moved here two years ago, so any more losses will start putting me smaller than anyone here has known me. Or, maybe it's because I'm finally pushing myself a bit more and it's paying off.

I'm not sure.

All I know is that the word that keeps coming to mind is HOPE. There is hope for me yet and I will continue to press on, learning and going forward no matter what to continue on in my new ending.