I have had a blessed life, being raised in a two-parent christian home, marrying a wonderful young man who continues to grow into a man of God, always supporting me and being there no matter what, my children are healthy and right where they should be for their ages, and yet I find myself seeing struggles deep inside that I just pushed away I guess.
I'm not real sure about it all.
One thing I know is that I am going to overcome this fear of failure. That is one issue I know I've struggled with all growing up, except it was always in the form of fear of rejection from others. My parents loved me for who I was, chubby, but I always battle comparing myself to others.
Anyway, I didn't want this post to go on and on. I just wanted you all to know that I am pressing through and not giving in to fear of failure.
In fact, today the gym was closed so I couldn't do my elliptical workout. Having not been able to go on Tuesday I was a little upset with that. I decided to go to the park and walk on a walking trail. It's a one-mile lap and is lit all the way around. I ended up doing a walk-jog for 2 miles and then a 1/2 mile brisk walk and cool down.
In the past when our kids went with us to the park the girls would jog with me from one light pole to the next, probably only a couple 15-20 feet or so (no idea..) then we'd walk a bit. We'd do this a few times and then just walk the rest.
Well, today I made myself jog the distance between three light poles instead of two and then I'd walk the same distance at a brisk pace. I did these intervals for 2 miles. About 1.5 miles through I started to cry for a few seconds, but I kept going. The tears didn't last long and I finished strong.
It's amazing how a very brisk walk seems so much easier after trying to jog. :)
Anyway, now you know I'm feeling a bit better. Again, I really do thank all of you that are so supportive of me and my weight loss journey. I appreciate it very much!
Leah, this post is so real and honest. Sometimes even when we grow up in the best of families there are still feelings of inadequacy and fear. I know I have my share of them. You can overcome them.
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you did a little jog and walk is awesome! Congratulations. (I will email you later on!)
Leah, I am so proud of you letting this all out. I am sure this is helping you to get through all this successfully. I am glad to hear of the Godly influence and influences in your life. It sure gives you a strong foundation to lean on.
ReplyDelete