HOT 100 - Week 1 Update

So, here I am one week after joining the Hot 100 Challenge.

My goals for the first third of the challenge are:

Hot 100 Goals for October:

Scale Goal: See any kind of a weight loss by the time my mother-in-law leaves, which should be by the end of this month.

Emotional Goal: Not get offended when my mother-in-law offers a comment she thinks will help me with my "diet". She hasn't made more than maybe two in a week, but I found myself getting angry right away. Yet, when I thought more on it...she was right. Ouch.

As of this week I feel: PRETTY GOOD!

Yes, I'm feeling pretty good about it so far. I haven't had the exercise that I know I need this week, due to a busy schedule, but my food hasn't been too bad. And as of last Friday I'm already down lower than I weighed when my mother-in-law arrived here. I'm also doing better about not getting all up in knots over any comments. (Though I don't think there have been very many that I can think of right now.) Yay!

So, here's to another week working towards those goals and overcoming fears of failure!

CRAZY Busy

It's late, I'm tired and I've had a CRAZY group of talkative 1st graders the last two days at school. I have them again tomorrow and then I gladly give the class back to their teacher; and I commit myself to send her cards of encouragement regularly from now on. :P wow. To be fair, there are about 6-8 well-behaved students in her class, so that's nice. That's all I'll say on that subject.

I desperately wanted a snickers yesterday and today in fact, but I haven't had one. I ended up having some hot cocoa yesterday and that helped with the sweet tooth. Otherwise, eating has been okay.

But...I haven't walked these past two days due to the busy, busy schedule. Today I only got a 15-minute walk in during lunch because I had kids coming in at recess. Plus, going to the fair Saturday instead of staying home and doing laundry and cleaning house to prepare for another full week of work makes for a more stressed out Monday and Tuesday, since it means I had to do laundry in these evenings. Even though I didn't have to make dinner I do clean up the kitchen and so it wears me out. I feel yucky about it, but am so tired I don't care.

My mother-in-law did wash all our bedding today and that was a total blessing for me! But, I was too tired to put in a DVD tonight and try and workout before bed.

I'll get back into my groove, so I'm not worried about it. I just wanted to check in before bed in case I don't have time to tomorrow.

I hope you are all having a good week!

p.s. These high-stress situations and finding time to workout, etc. is teaching me some things about myself and what I can handle. hhmm.... I feel some deep thoughts coming on in a couple weeks. Stay tuned! :)

It'll Be Here Before I Know It

This past Thursday my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. It's amazing to both of us how the time flies by.

I remember when my husband talked to me about going to college and trying to become a dentist. We had our three children by then and had just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. He said something to the effect of, "It should take about seven to eight years from beginning to end. It will go by fast. I mean, look how fast these last seven years have already gone by." I remember agreeing with him.

Now, we're seven years away from that conversation and he's almost done with dental school. What seemed as a distant dream is very close to becoming a reality.

Sometimes I wonder why I waited so long to get serious about my weight, why didn't it click sooner -- like when I was a teen and lost weight, or those 6 years ago when I had already 40 pounds? I wonder wether it will ever come off, or wether I'll get to enjoy very much of my life as a thin person, etc. etc.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but these thoughts cross my mind.

On this past anniversary I realized that just like the past fourteen years of marriage have passed by quickly, so will my weight loss journey. I can't go back and fix the weight problems of the past just like I can't go back and fix the mistakes that I've made as a wife these 14 years. What I can do is learn from those past mistakes and press onward for bigger "smaller" and better things ahead. :)

For the future will be here before I know it!

Success

We had chinese food Saturday night for dinner and this was my "fortune" in the fortune cookie. My husband and I got a nice grin out of it, seeing that it could fit my weight loss journey. :)

Post Weigh-In Friday

So, today was a CRAZY day in the class I was subbing. CRAZY. It was picture day and I think the change in schedule had everyone thinking it wasn't regular school. Anyway, I was talking to a teacher's aide and I told her, "Well, I did have one good piece of news today."

She says, "What?" and I told her that I've lost 19.5 pounds.

"What are you doing?!?!?", she exclaimed and we began to talk about not just starting diets, but taking steps toward permanent changes.

I had talked to her about possibly trying to lose some weight at the end of the year last spring. It was a good feeling to actually be talking about it again and have a little something to show for all my talk. :)

Also.... on another subject.

After church tonight my husband told me to stop and get the kids something to eat. They requested McDonald's and we drove through. I didn't order anything for me.

When I got home I just had maybe half of a small french fry worth of fries and then 2 bites of his whopper and 2 of their Big Macs. It was just enough to get a taste.

Like at the Mexican Food potluck they had at school today. I had about two bites of a few different things. I did splurge on ONE dessert that was super delicious and worth every single morsel. And I didn't overeat. It was a great feeling!!! Especially when I saw some others eating three different desserts and I knew I wasn't one of them.

Oh... one more thing... and I'll end with this.

I told my MIL tonight about my loss. I jokingly said, "Now you'll never let me eat!" She grinned while shaking her head "No." and pointed her finger down. Who would've ever thought that she'd help me in my weight loss. Not me.

I guess that's enough for one night. I'm exhausted and need to sleep and get energy for a busy day tomorrow!

G'nite!

Weigh-In ... Back In The Right Direction

Today's Weight: 211.5

Loss/Gain: -4.0 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -19.5

Yes, I am thrilled! I worked a little harder this week and not only did I lose the two pounds I gained last week, but two more on top of that. Yippee!! I am now half a pound away from twenty pounds lost.

Oh, I can smell it, it's so close!

A few things I did different this week were:

-I didn't eat late at night, except a handful of grapes one night. I just told myself, "No." and then I would stop and see if I was really hungry, which I wasn't. We've had a week of revival services and it's hard not to come home from church wanting a snack before bed, but I did it. :)

-I also ate small portions at dinner and made myself stop and realize that I was satisfied, though I felt FAR from full. This hasn't been easy. I have eaten homemade tortillas, but less than last week.

- I also haven't had anything sweet in a few days. I gave the cupcake offered to me at school by a student the other day to my daughter. Plus, I had taken a Snickers snack size candy to a teacher for helping me out (she requested chocolate in exchange for the help) and found I grabbed two instead of one. I was going to eat the second one myself, but I decided to just give it to her later. I knew I didn't need it, I didn't really want it and I decided that I need to save my sweet treats for those moments when I really, really want them.

So, those are three things that I can think of off the top of my head that I did differently this week. And they worked! Have a great Friday everyone. :o)

The Hot 100 - Day 1

The Hot 100 - Going Out With A Bang by Steve

I, Leah Gonzalez, am going to accept this challenge and do my best to reach the goals that I have set for myself.

I've decided to set up my goals by month. This gives me a little something to look forward to each month. My goals are also going to be scale-based and emotional-based each month.

As of today I have lost 15.5 pounds over the past four months. This is better than the 20-pound gain I saw six months prior to that, but I feel it's time to step things up a bit. I will implement good, regular exercise and adjust my eating to help me reach these goals.

So, here goes!

Hot 100 Goals for October:

Scale Goal: See any kind of a weight loss by the time my mother-in-law leaves, which should be by the end of this month.

Emotional Goal: Not get offended when my mother-in-law offers a comment she thinks will help me with my "diet". She hasn't made more than maybe two in a week, but I found myself getting angry right away. Yet, when I thought more on it...she was right. Ouch.

Hot 100 Goals for November:

Scale Goal: Reach my first scale goal of 199 by Thanksgiving. That is losing 15 pounds between now and then.

Emotional Goal: Learn how to stay on track while my mother visits the week of Thanksgiving and not feel bad about it. I tend to not want to make her feel bad with my losing weight. I've told her this and she is most encouraging, but it's still rough for me.

Hot 100 Goals for December:

Scale Goal: Lose at least 5 pounds during December, also known as the highest weight-gain season of the year and baking time!!!

Emotional Goal: Enjoy the holidays without feeling obligated to eat or taste everything. Learn that I don't have to feel like I'm missing out or deprived just because I choose to say no to licking the batter spoon every time or eating 3 cookies every time I bake.

My twin daughters' birthday is December 31st. So I hope to reach these goals and not only celebrate their birth that day, but a new leg in my journey towards a healthier, happier ending.

I'm Accepting the Hot 100 Challenge

Despite my fear of failure challenges I have decided to join this challenge. Two reasons:

1. I'm pretty sure I've only seen a maintain this month and I think it's time to step things up a notch. Baby steps, more like crawling for me, were good the first four months, but it's time for this baby to start learning how to walk.

2. I want to face a few fears and not use the phrase "baby steps" as an excuse not to push myself a little bit.

So, I talked it over with my husband, told him the goals I was thinking about and he brought out a good point about how to set my goals for this challenge. I had one goal for each section, weight loss, exercise and eating. He mentioned that the exercise and eating were good goals in and of themselves and the weight loss goal was good by itself, but one might not necessarily mean the other will happen. He suggested I pick one group or the other as my goal and whatever I do to reach that goal will probably end up affecting the other group.

I hope this makes sense. I'm trying to keep it short here.

So, now when you read the next post you'll understand how I got to my decision to accept the challenge. :)

Hot 100 Challenge

I have this fear of doing any weightloss challenges, so I don't do them myself. I'm working through this, but in the meantime I thought I'd post about a challenge that some of you might be interested in.

Steve, at logmyloss.com, is doing a "Hot 100 - Going Out With A Bang" Challenge for the last 100 days of 2009. Check it out!

I'll let you know by Wednesday if I decide to do this or not.

Stopping At Satisfied

Well, since my mother-in-law has been here - one week - my husband has also put a few pounds on. He mentioned that he's also going to have to be careful about not eating too much of her yummy food.

Today at lunch he mentioned, "You know, we've gotten so used to eating until we're full that we don't really know how to stop at just being satisfied."

That is so true!! It's tough eating only until you're satisfied and not more. It takes self control to stop and realize that you've really had enough, even if you don't feel stuffed and unable to fit more food in. Stopping when you feel like you can still fit more food in goes against the overweight eater's way of eating at mealtimes.

The only other time I lost a great amount of weight as an adult was by eating until satisfied and then not eating again until I was truly hungry. It was hard, but I learned to do it.

This is something that I have to learn again, and this month that my mother-in-law is visiting is probably a good time to work on it. :) So, here's to stopping when satisfied and hopefully a good week!

Inspiring Poster

I saw this poster in a 4th grade classroom yesterday and it inspired me. I hope it inspires you a bit too.

No Discipline Or No Desire?

Diane at Fit To The Finish wrote an article this past week about all the reasons she used to have for not sticking to a diet. As I read her article I began to think on my past dieting attempts. I never stuck to diets or maintaining weight after a large loss for various reasons which usually led to me, myself and I. I always thought it was just my lack of discipline, but now I wonder if it wasn't necessarily a lack of discipline as much as a lack of desire to be disciplined.

You see, I have always thought I was so weak to stick with anything for a long period of time. I know that is true in part, but I also know that most of my weight loss attempts were because I was frustrated with how fat I was, how awful I looked in clothing and how thin my friends were. Out of frustration I would start a diet knowing that if I followed the plan I would see results. However, dieting was always a temporary means to reach a thin end. As far as I can remember I followed diets, was proud when I stuck to it and loss weight, hated myself when I didn't, and always I dreamed of the day when I would be thin and could go back to eating as I wanted.

Often I had the discipline for a short time to see some results, but I don't think I had the true, deep down desire to see the right kind of change. I think that may have been a lot of why I never kept the weight off, or lost very much to begin with.

There was only one time that I truly desired to change and I lost 40 pounds over two years. Then some factors came into play and I didn't know how to handle it all and the weight crept back on. Another story for another time.

After that attempt and the 50 pounds I put back on I tried dieting again, but only out of frustration and not with a desire to really change..only a desire to be thinner.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've had to learn that, yes, discipline is necessary to make the changes that will bring about weight loss, but more than that I had to come to a point in my life where I had the desire to be disciplined, to see a change far greater than just eating less or exercising some. I had to desire to love myself enough to do what was best for my body.

I had to desire to be disciplined, so that discipline wasn't my enemy but my ally in the battle to lose weight. And I think this different way of thinking is making a great difference in my weight loss journey this last and final time.

p.s.

I didn't eat the cake for breakfast this morning.

I desperately wanted it. I've been enjoying my whole wheat PopTarts with coffee for breakfast, but I ran out yesterday and nothing has sounded good for breakfast.

After my gain I was going to just eat the cake, it didn't seem to matter. But I didn't eat it. I just knew deep inside that wasn't a smart choice for breakfast.

I guess I'm not a total failure after all. :)

Weigh-In ... Sad, but True

Last week my friend, Chris, and I decided to try a new weigh-in day. So, we are going to weigh on Fridays now. This morning I was wishing I had one more day to try and fix my week.

Today's Weight: 215.5 lbs.

Loss/Gain: +2.0 lbs

Total Loss So Far: - 15.5 lbs.

I was a little surprised at this gain, but then when I thought back on the week I wasn't any more. I have drank hardly any water and I've eaten:

- my homemade chocolate cake a few times

- at least 2 medium homemade tortillas the last 3-4 days with dinner

- not hardly any fiber, except for grapes daily and FiberOne yogurts and a few little things here and there. (I have a beef with FiberOne not really helping in the fiber area...but more on that later.)

You know, you can only have a few good moments to help you scrape by on weigh-in day, but if the not-so-good choices outweigh the good ones during the week, then a gain is bound to come.

I don't want another 2.5 pound loss for a month this month.

To be totally honest, I'm feeling like a failure who will never get it straight and lose the weight.

At the same time, especially after reading Diane's blog this morning, I refuse to give in. I am not quitting. I am going to cut back where I need to, and I'm going to keep going. I am going to be glad that I did workout five days this week, even when working three of them, but I'm not going to let that fool me into thinking that I can eat more.

So, while I'm disappointed and a bit frustrated with myself, I won't give up. It's just not an option for me.

So Thoughtful

Today I came home from taking my daughter to ballet after school to find that my mother-in-law had made this pâté she makes with chicken, red bell peppers, jalapenos and spices. We eat it with crackers, or they eat it with bread- like a sandwich. Except this time she also made me some in my own little bowl with my "special mayonnaise", she called it. I call it the "gross mayo" because it's reduced-fat and I just don't care for it...so far.

I thought that was very sweet of her to think of making some for me with reduced-fat mayo. She knows that I'm working on losing weight, "poco a poco" or "little by little" and here in her own little way she helped me out.

Now that I think of it, you should've seen the small portion she served me for dinner. I almost laughed!!! No, I almost took a picture to post on here, but I didn't want her to misunderstand my intentions and get offended. It was like a small spoon of refried beans and about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of pork sauteed in a green chile sauce. I opted out of having the "sopa" or soup made of fideo and tomato sauce with chicken bouillon and onion. Instead I still helped myself to two of her medium-sized homemade tortillas and about two more bites of each beans and meat with my small portion of food.

Having mentioned just today that I was eating too much of her good cooking this week I was impressed with the effort she is making to help me on my weight loss journey. Who would've thunk it?!

What a thoughtful woman! I think this month-long visit might work out just fine after all. :)

Stopping When Satisfied

Confession: I'm having a hard time stopping when satisfied while eating this week.

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a few weeks so that my husband can make her a new set of dentures and she is an amazing cook of all things traditionally mexican. We're talking food from Mexico, not a Mexican restaurant.

I haven't been overeating like in the past and I am making pretty healthy choices during the day, but I'm not stopping when satisfied at dinnertime. I think I'm going to have to add salads or sauteed veggies to my dinner to fill me up, so that I don't want too much of her wonderful rice and yummy meat with tortillas.

This is another learning time for me in my eating life. I'll be glad when I get this figured out. I'm determined not to gain weight the month she is here, and I'd really like to see a loss! We'll see....

Sharing is Caring

I've been meaning to post about this for a while. It's another new aspect of my weight loss journey that surprises me a little, but is a great thing.

I share more.

Yes, I share. Oh, I've never really been a greedy person. I love to give gifts, bake for people, volunteer, etc. etc. However, in the past I've had my stashes of candy and treats put away because I didn't want anyone else to eat them.

If it wasn't a stash of sweets, then it was my large dessert that I didn't want to share with my kids or anyone. I might give them a bite, but actually that's why I would order the large - so there would be plenty for me to have after giving each of them a bite.

This has changed. Now I share my food without feeling like I'm giving away my firstborn. I even share my low-cal treats if they ask for a taste.

I'm not letting them eat all of my food, or have their way in taking over my plate, but sharing food is a big deal for me. It's another chain in my bondage to food that is breaking and I'm so grateful for it.

Old Baking Habit

Have you ever had an old "bad" habit come around that you haven't dealt with in a while and it surprises you? This happened to me last Thursday night as I was making cookies for my son to take to school.

Without even giving it another thought I took a bite of cookie dough while putting dough on the cookie sheet. Then after the first batch had cooled a bit I took a bite of cookie to make sure they were alright. Of course, I finished that one, so no one would have to eat after me.

It didn't even cross my mind to watch out and be careful not to do this. It wasn't until I was taking out a second sheet of cookies, and feeling a bit full, that I stopped and thought, "What am I doing?" I had eaten pretty well that day, but it was a rough week for me and the last thing I needed 36 hours before my weigh-in was more sweets!! But there I was, having a bite here, testing a cookie there, without even thinking.

I suddenly realized that this was a habit I hadn't had to deal with lately because I haven't made cookies in a long wh

ile. Cakes, yes, but not cookies. It seriously took me by surprise.

Wow. So, I didn't eat the whole tray, only 2 1/2 cookies (if you count the dough), but I learned that night that it's another habit I'm going to have to learn to break. I'm not going to stop b

aking for my family, but I'm going to learn to not eat lots of it while in the process of preparing and baking it.

Smaller Size Comparison

Okay, I was going to wait until I lost 20 pounds before posting another picture on here, but I couldn't resist taking one with my husband after our son's birthday party on Saturday. So, here's an updated photo.

This is in June at a picnic for the dental students.

This is last Saturday and I'm wearing a size smaller blouse and capris. (So, they look a little snug, but they are smaller!! )

You'll notice my husband has trimmed up a little also. He started exercising in June and is keeping it up. He's never had a major weight problem, but sitting and studying packs can pack some weight on him, so he's working out again to lose the extra and keep it from coming back on again this year.

Anyway, it's not a huge difference, but I'm excited. It's coming off and it won't be long until I'm down another pants size. :)

Weekend Eating

I received this article in a daily email from SparkPeople.com yesterday and thought it worth sharing. I have always had the mentality that weekends were "free" days for eating when I was on a diet, so I can relate to this article. I'm happy to say that the past 2-3 weekends I've done much better about keeping focused. I don't exercise on weekends regularly yet, but maybe that will happen later as well.

Tips For A Healthy Weekend

Have a great Sunday! :)

Living In The Present

Today is my son's 9th birthday. I always remember hour-by-hour what I was doing on the day he was born. It can bring lovely feelings and happy thoughts, but if I'm not careful reminiscing can bring sad thoughts too. I can begin to wonder where the time has gone, where is that little baby that brought such joy to a father who had only girls before his birth? Where's the little tot who brought smiles to everyone's faces? Where's the little kid who amazed us all at his first t-ball game with his fast running and intense looks of concentration?

That's when I have to stop myself and be glad for the memories, but remember that life isn't over. I can enjoy the good memories, but I have to make sure that I'm enjoying who this little man is today. I have to make sure that I don't live too much in the past that I can't enjoy what is going on today.

In a way this is like my weight loss journey. Except not only do I have to make sure I don't revel in past failures, "could've beens" and such, but I also have to make sure I'm not living for the future only and what it will be like "when I'm thin". I can't ponder what I'll look like, what activities I'll do and how much better I'll feel to the extent that I can't enjoy where I'm at now.

I do look forward to being thinner, and for the first time in my life I feel like I truly will be there someday, but just like with the memories of son, I can't let myself miss what is happening now because I keep focusing on another time.

Instead I will enjoy today. I will enjoy the victories I'm having. I will enjoy knowing that the weight is coming off and slowly, but surely I am going to become the healthier, happier mommy and wife I want to be.

Oh, and yes, I will also enjoy my son for who he is each day!

Now, I'm off to make a birthday cake to look like a soccer field. Wish me luck! :)

Weigh-In ... Small Miracle!!

Today's Weight: 213.5

Loss/Gain: - 1.0 lb

Total Loss So Far: -17.5 lbs

If you read any of my posts from this week (especially last night's post) you know that I was very excited to see the scale go down!!!!!! I was fully preparing for a gain and thought, "You'll have a good cry and get on with it." Then I thought, "A maintain would be nice." So, when I got on there and I was down a pound my spirits soared. I know you can't let the scale rule your emotions, but I needed this boost this week. Onward and upward - or downward on the scale. :)

Is It a New Week Yet?

I just have to get this off of my chest.... (Pam, you're not the only one with weigh-in-eve nerves..)

.... I will be glad when my weigh-in is over tomorrow morning and can get on with a new week. I'll be surprised if I don't have a gain. I haven't eaten like the old me would've during TOM, but I haven't been on track either. I think I subconsciously stayed away from veggies this week because I wanted sweets. It's usually chocolate and "real" soda that I always want. "Real" soda is just getting too sweet for me anymore, but the chocolate cravings were as strong as ever. Sheesh!

My last bit of "bad" eating was that I used my Starbucks gift card for a Non-Fat White Mocha (no whip cream) after lunch today (light veggie chicken tortilla soup, fiberone yogurt and a tangerine) because I seriously felt like I might as well have this treat. After the week I've had I don't think it's going to make that much more of a difference. I've been wanting a Starbucks treat for a while and since I had a gift card I just went for it.

To end on a happier note, I am proud that I got at least 30 minutes of good, solid exercise in 4 days this week. In fact, this afternoon I caught up with a teacher doing laps in the school gym and accepted her offer to finish her walk with her. That added another 15-20 minutes of brisk walking to my workout today. Plus, tonight I chose to have some chicken tortilla soup and only one soft taco at Taco Bueno for dinner tonight instead of everything else I kind of wanted.

So, I think my cravings have all been filled for this month and now I'm feeling back into the swing of things. I'll weigh-in tomorrow, face the music and get on with my day and the rest of my weight loss journey. It aint over yet!

"Too Hard"

I came across this a few years ago when doing Weight Watchers online and was happy to see that this woman is still posting it for encouragement even today.

Too Hard

The next time you are feeling that Weight Watcher’s is “Too Hard”. The next time you feel journaling, weighing and measuring food is “Too Hard”. The next time you feel exercising is “Too Hard”. The next time you think going to weigh in and stay for your meeting is “Too Hard”. I say the next time you feel “This is Too Hard” consider how hard it was/is to: Shop in Specialty Clothing Stores (Layne Bryant, The Avenue, Catherine’s) your choices are limited. Missing Out on Pool Parties because you're too embarrassed to wear a bathing suit in front of your friends. Not being able to wear your favorite outfit because it's too small. Not wanting to hug those close to you because you don't want them to feel your rolls of fat. Not going to the movies, because squeezing into the seats for 90 minutes is too uncomfortable. Not dancing at weddings because you don't want people staring at the "fat chick" on the dance floor. Not attending family gatherings because you don’t want people to see how big you’ve gotten. Not going to a picnic or summer barbeque because you’re afraid the lawn furniture won’t hold you. Not riding on amusement park rides with your kids because you can't fit in the safety harness or the seats. Not attending your high school reunion because you don't want old boyfriends seeing how much weight you've put on. Or old friends thinking "what happened to her?" Not fitting in the booths at your favorite restaurant. Having to ask for a seat belt extension on the airplane. Yes, journaling, weighing and measuring your food, exercising, and attending weekly meetings is hard but being over weight is much harder and so much lonelier. Author - Rosie Bops

Sweetness

I'm having a better morning today, but I have to be honest and tell you that last night before bed I told my husband, "Well, I think I've managed to finish off all the chocolate in the house."

It wasn't a LOT, it was all actually a few"on plan" treats that I keep for myself, about 15 M&Ms, a tangerine and pretzels. Though it was all "on plan" I know they aren't meant to be eaten all in the same evening. I'm a little embarrassed now about it, but last night I just laughed and honestly didn't really care. I knew that today was a new day.

Then my husband tells me, "I noticed your new capris when you came to the dental school today." with a sweet smile on his face. I just grinned sheepishly.

Yes, even though my emotions were a little high-strung yesterday I was reminded that have lost 16.5 pounds already and I work out regularly, and he was kind enough to tell me that he noticed.

Love dat man! He's so sweet.

Thinking Of Others Is Good Medicine

When I finished writing today's post with the journal excerpt I think I had depressed myself. I just wanted to go and cry. Then I went and read Diane's blog for today. It perked my spirits right up and I'm so glad!!!

I hate the emotional roller coaster that I go through each month. Her post made me stop and think of the people I could be thankful for that are helping me along my weight loss journey.

I'm feeling better now and am going to go get some chores done, walk and then get to my dental appointment this afternoon. I should have read her blog first. It was good medicine for me. *grin*

Excerpt From The Past

I'm in the middle of a few worst days where I don't want to do anything right for my body, I begin to doubt myself/dislike myself and I truly feel like this time of the month is a curse. So, I'm going to post something that I read last week that gives a little insight to my background and the struggle I am facing have faced in the past.

This is taken from a journal entry about 1.5 years ago. Name(s) have been removed to protect feelings.

"March 17,2008 - Comfort Eating That Hurts

Tonight I find myself sitting here typing because I can’t sleep yet; not because I’m not tired, but because I feel so full that I don’t want to lie down just yet. It’s an awful, uncomfortable feeling, but it’s not an uncommon one. I’ve felt this before and just like in the past I find myself thinking, “Why do I do this to myself?”

[blah....blah...blah...private stuff....all about food and family who eat a lot....blah ..... blah.....]

One more thing… though I don’t want to admit it, I’m going to have to learn how to eat less around **** and not feel bad for doing so. I don’t like to see *** eating so much and being so out of shape and so I just go right along with the eating habits so I don’t offend ***, but I need to stop feeling that way.

[ a little more blah...blah ...and private thoughts...]

I don’t want to seem snotty about food to ****, but I’m tired of feeling so full and yucky from eating too much…it’s no longer comforting like it used to be. "

I can't really think of anything to say, except this is my heart wide open for all to see. It makes me want to cry, because when I wrote this I had also written that I was going to work on losing weight, etc. etc. and I never went any further with it that year. In fact, a year after this journal entry I had gained more weight and loss all hope of ever being thin or gaining control of myself.

Thank the Lord this is changing, albeit slowly, and next March I'll have a happier journal entry to write. (I write this last sentence from my mind, because my emotions are not agreeing with me today...)

SOMEONE NOTICED !!!!

I forgot to mention in my book-of-a-post earlier that someone at church asked me if I was losing weight this past Sunday! She says to me, "I was looking at your earlier this morning and I thought you look like you've lost weight."

This is the first time someone has asked me if I'm losing weight. YIPPEE!!!

I, of course, was thrilled and was happy to tell her the blouse I had on didn't fit me last spring. I told her how much I've lost so far and it's slow goings, but I'm doing it. She smiled and just kept saying how she could tell.

This did my emotional-chocolate craving-hormonal self lots of good that day!! **HUGE GRIN**

Deliverance Is Coming!

What a busy weekend, and I just now have time to sit and blog and catch up on blogs. Whew!

Well, Saturday I started my cycle and the "old" me came out to have a large plate of Chinese food for lunch and then half of a chocolate-chocolate chip Sam's club muffin for dessert. I didn't even care. I wanted that chocolate and I was going to have some. However, later in the evening I was busy cleaning up my craft area up in our kids' playroom and I came down to inform my husband that the kids could have leftovers or sandwhiches or something for dinner, but I wasn't going to prepare anything. I still wasn't hungry after that large lunch and neither was he, so he was fine with that.

I wasn't hungry. I didn't want dinner. huh???

I ended up going to bed having only an 8 oz. cup of V8 Fusion juice and water the rest of the evening.

This was definitely not the old me way of doing things. The old me would've eaten all that, been slightly full later and still sat down and had dinner on top of it all and then probably more chocolate.

Had I not been so tired I wanted to post about it that same night. I was so excited that food didn't sound good even though it was dinnertime again, and because I was still slightly full and it didn't sound good I DIDN'T EAT. Glory! :)

Well, this happened two more days. I had a full-sized lunch both Sunday and Monday and then had something chocolate later in the day. When the evening came around and I wasn't really hungry I just had a light snack instead of another meal and all was good.

Now, this morning I told myself, "No more chocolate muffins. I know you're feeling like chocolate and Pepsi is the only thing that you want right now, but it's really not and you need to stop." So, I've done fine today. Back on track with only about 5-6 M&Ms after dinner tonight for a sweet treat.

I don't want to ramble too much, but suffice it to say that I am very excited with this change in my thinking. To know that I could allow myself something my body was craving and then not eat later, no.. not even desire to eat later, because I was still full is so amazing to me. Praise God! I can see the the light of deliverance beginning to dawn on my life and I'm so glad!

Weigh-In ... More Fiber,Please

Today's Weight: 214.5

Loss/Gain: +/- 0 ... maintain

Total Loss So Far: - 16.5 lbs.

I was a bit sad that I wasn't down this week, because I've exercised regularly and I've been careful about my eating. My eating has been fine portion-wise, but I noticed earlier in the week that I hadn't been eating that many vegetables. Looking over my food journal I noticed it was true the entire week. There were hardly any fruits and vegetables in my week. I won't go into too much, but let's suffice it to say that a good dose of apple juice and high-fiber something right before bed last night would probably have helped my weigh-in today since I also had a good helping of white rice in my dinner last night and not one fruit or vegetable yesterday. I know I shouldn't try and "trick" the scale. So, instead, I will work on getting in more fruits and vegetables this week, because I learned today that it does make a difference.

Now You Know

***Preface: I have to say that I'm nervous to post this, because I feel so committed by doing so, but I'm thinking that it's good for me to get it out. [deep cleansing breath]***

When I started on my weight loss journey I decided right from the start that I wasn't going to begin any specific diet plan. I was not going to join Weight Watchers or anything else. Two reasons, (A) I don't have the extra funds and (B) I know what I need to do and I didn't want the feelings of failure to set in if I wasn't following the plan correctly, etc. etc. I knew it was going to have to be baby steps towards a healthier me and I needed to get going at my own pace.

Sometime during the beginning of this journey back in May and June I began looking up some different weight loss blogs. During my search I came across the site www.fittothefinish.com and I suddenly felt a connection. This was a site not just about someone who had lost a great amount of weight, but it was also about a person who lost it 12 years ago and had managed to keep it off since then. It was also about a lady who did it by not following a certain plan, but one that she figured out on her own and it worked for her. Her name is Diane and the plan she followed to lose weight looked very similar to how I thought about what I needed to do to lose weight.

No calorie counting, no points counting, just:

1. Exercise Regularly

2. Watch portions

3. Keep fat % down

Okay, so the first two were how I was starting my weight loss journey and I just decided to kind of ignore the last point for the time being. I fought making healthier food choices with everything in me and wasn't ready to give up high-fat foods just yet. This was a good start for me though and I began to follow her blog daily. Inspiration, encouragement and direction greeted me every day from that blog and I knew I had found something that I could work with.

Finally about a month ago ( I just looked it up and it was exactly one month ago today) I admitted to Diane that I was going to give her entire plan a try, which meant cutting out out the high-fat foods. She has been a great mentor on my journey and though it's not always easy I can already see some of the difference following her plan is making in my weight loss journey.

Now, to be completely honest, I still eat some foods high in fat (like the Jambalaya I made and ate this week), but in small portions and I compensate for them during the day/week.

I said all that to say this.... if you ask what plan I follow it's Diane's plan at www.fittothefinish.com and that's why I added the button to the side of my blog. I still think Weight Watchers is great, but Diane's plan just fits with my lifestyle, my family's lifestyle and it's working for me! Now you know.

Have a great long weekend everybody! I'll be checking back in tomorrow morning with my weigh-in.

Bench Warmer or On the Field?

In the walking DVD I did yesterday Leslie Sansone said something along the lines of, "I'm an athlete - I'm a mother of 3!!" I laughed and agreed, but then I thought more on it and remembered how Diane at Fit to the Finish has said as an overweight mom she spent more time on the couch than doing things with her kids. I was the same way. "No,not right now.. I'm too tired. etc. etc." Or I would do things with them and it would wipe me out for the rest of the day, thus making me not really want to finish any other responsibilities I had to do that day.

So, my thoughts while I kept walking turned to are we mothers (or fathers) parental athletes that sit on the bench the entire game of life or that get involved on the field and gives our best? While I do think we all need to have time on the bench to refresh and regroup I think we know that we need not look at the bench as where we belong on the team for the entire game.

I used to be a bench warmer, but now I'm working on being a more fit, energetic "on-the-field" mommy athlete! What about you?

Great Challenge Idea

I've told you before that I'm not much into challenges...they scare me. I think I get afraid that I won't actually lose any weight and then I won't meet the goals and I'll experience more feelings of failure, etc. etc. I'm not in this to lose weight quickly, only consistently.

However....

I saw this great challenge on Pam's blog a few days ago that is originally from Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans and I think it's a great idea. I emailed them and asked if it's too late to join it and I'll see what they say. I figure even if it's too late to join officially, then I will just do it on my own. Click on the button to check it out!

I'll keep you posted on what I find out from them.

Why Is This Time Different?

I was attempting to explain to a friend of mine yesterday why I feel so different about this attempt at losing weight. I was telling her that my mindset has changed and I can't really explain it. Finally I could only relate it to when I gave my life to Jesus and I changed.

I'm a born-again christian and there was a moment when I realized that I was a sinner and the only way to become free from my sin was to repent of my sins and accept the free gift of salvation through the blood of Jesus. At that moment my life changed and I had made my peace with God. Things weren't, nor will ever be, perfect, but the change was real and I began to build a foundation in Christ that has never let me down.

However, none of that would be had I not realized I was a sinner in need of a savior.

I've said that I was learning to love myself as a heavy woman before I could even think about losing weight. While that is true, it is also true that even after I started exercising and cutting out a few things here and there I finally had to come to grips with who I was, who I had been becoming and that my weight gain was no one's fault but my own. If I was going to lose weight and get control of my bad eating habits I was going to have to change -- not the food, not the surroundings, but me.

Once I was honest and faced myself I was able to take the steps that have gotten me started on this weight loss journey. As in my christian life, there are going to be ups and downs in my health, weight and food choices; but I know that I don't ever want to be the person I was before. So, I will press on in this journey and I will win in the end!

Run, Run, Run

I read this today on a digital scrapbooking newsletter I receive and thought it definitely worth sharing with everyone who is working on losing weight, maintaining weight or attempting any area of change in their life.

It encouraged me and I hope it encourages you also.

From ScrapGirls.com:

Run, Run, Run!

New paths interest me. I never know what lessons I will learn as I travel them.

Recently, I discovered a walking path that circles the local high school. The first time I walked it, I realized that I had arrived in time to see student summer activities underway. As I turned the bend around the back of the school, I heard the football team yell as they hit the ground during pushups. I saw a freshman being tutored by a senior in the proper manner to serve a tennis ball. I saw the girls' tennis team gathered around their coach. I saw the band practicing marching routines as they slowly counted to eight. I saw the flag team attempt to twirl their flags in unison.

Engrossed in the activities on the grass, I recalled my own high school years and remembered warm summer mornings practicing routines, cheers and music. It was such an innocent time.

Suddenly, my mind snapped forward. I saw a middle-aged woman round the bend of the track, followed by a large pack of girls. As they hit the straight-away, some of them started to call out, "Come on. You can do it. Don't give up now. You're almost there. Don't quit fighting. You can do it! Run. Run. Run!"

A few girls sped up as the cheers rang in the air. Other girls trotted along with their friends, barely breaking a sweat. Trotting behind the pack, with gritted teeth, ran a small group of girls. They were red. They were hot. They were struggling and yet, they ran on.

"Yes," I thought. "Run! Run! You can do it. Don't quit fighting. Don't give up now. You're almost there."

We all face obstacles. We all have challenges. We all experience trials and tests. The thing we must remember when we are in the middle of them is that we must keep trying. Just think how good it would be, if we are tempted to give up, to cheer ourselves on with the wisdom heard on a high school track.

Don't give up. Don't quit fighting. You'll get there eventually. Run. Run. Run!

- Ro

Dove Promises

I had one of these yesterday after dinner for dessert and was amazed at how the little "promise" fit so perfectly with my weight loss journey. So, I had to share! :)