Letting Go

Today marks the beginning of three days of prayer and fasting that my husband and I participate in with our church. The main focus is to pray for the needs of our fellowship of churches and our bi-annual International Bible Conference that will begin next Monday in Arizona. However, this time also allows some time to look inside and see what issues we need to see the hand of God move in personally. It's never easy and many times I'm not into it one bit, but I press on.

This year I've been going through so much emotionally and physically that I was ready for this time of prayer and fasting. In coming to grips with being overweight I've dealt with a lot of emotional baggage and I've noticed that the same things I find hindering me in my weight loss journey are also having an effect on other areas of my life as well.

One common denominator I keep finding is the feelings of self-pity and unbelief that seem to override any common sense. It's like I find myself thinking or telling someone else, "I know you can do it! I've seen it done.", but I don't find myself believing of myself "I know I can do it!".

Saying and believing are two different things. I say a lot, especially on this blog, and I know it's all true, but I don't think I've necessarily believed a lot of it when it comes down to my own life. I also have not pushed myself to make it happen, not because I truly am not capable, but because I cave into these thoughts of self-pity and unbelief.

"I'm not like her, I have a slow metabolism." "I'm not like her, I was chubby all my life, not just since I had kids." "I'm not like her, she can just roll with the punches, but I'm so emotional." etc. etc.

Well, I've decided that it's time to let it go. It's time to put behind these feelings that I've struggled with for many, many years and push myself forward to do and be all that God wants me to be.

He has given me all the tools to reach my goals, both in weight and life, but now it's time for me to lay down my "poor me" mentality and do something about it.

I will be taking time these next few days to not only pray and fast for a breakthrough, but also to let it all go. I'm tired of playing the victim. I'm tire of being frustrated with life for more time than necessary and letting issues and concerns bog me down. There is a time to cry and deal with necessary issues, but you've no idea how much I tend to obsess and let small things ruin an entire day or week sometimes.

No more.

Life will continue to happen, but I'm no longer going to let it always ruin and depress me. I have already seen what I am capable of when I push myself. I know it's possible and by God's grace I will fight. I will push through the necessary exercise, learn to honor my hunger and be content with the portions my body needs to survive, be compassionate to others and care for them without getting angry with the way they handle their lives and above all I will be a testimony of what wonderful change God can bring to a life in need.