Hot 100 Final Update

My December goals were:

Scale Goal: Lose at least 5 pounds during December, also known as the highest weight-gain season of the year and baking time!!!

Emotional Goal: Enjoy the holidays without feeling obligated to eat or taste everything. Learn that I don't have to feel like I'm missing out or deprived just because I choose to say no to licking the batter spoon every time or eating 3 cookies every time I bake.

Well, I did not lose the 5 pounds I wanted to, but considering that I handled food so much better this year than in the past I'm not bothered by that.

I totally met my emotional goal and am thrilled with that. I allowed myself just one or two cookies AFTER they were baked and ready and not once did I munch on cookie dough or frosting or cookies along the baking trail.

I've tried to be upset that I didn't make my Hot 100 main goal of reaching 199 and losing 5 pounds during the month of December, but I just can't. I'm pleased that I've overcome my emotional goals. I know I've really made some good steps in dealing with food around family and special occasions and that's encouraging.

I'm looking forward to another challenge coming up and I hope you'll join me as I continue down my weight loss journey.

As the Year Ends...

...so do my excuses. I've learned a lot about myself this past year and dealt with necessary emotional issues in regards to my weight and prior failures at weight loss.

I feel it's now time to get into action. I'm sure I'll have my moments of deep thinking, but I'm going to try and spend as much energy on the here and now of my life as wife, mother, friend, etc. instead of spending so much time wondering, "Why?"

I will focus on goals I've set for myself (come back tomorrow to see) and I will do what I know to do. I know I can do this, I'm believing I can and I will do what it takes.

Thank you all for your support and have a safe and happy New Year's Eve!!

My Thoughts on Self Worth

I've just finished reading a book called "Fat Chance" by Julie Hadden. She came in 2nd place on The Biggest Loser's season 4. I was drawn to her story, because she was a short, blonde, born-again stay-at-home mom who was obese and managed to lose weight and keep it off these two years so far.

The book was very interesting. It's interesting to me to see what goes on behind the scenes at the ranch, but also to see what issues came up in her life. Some of it I can totally relate to, but some of it I can't at all and I'm so glad.

One thing she really battled was self-worth. She didn't feel worthy enough to care about herself.

That is one low I feel I've never ever hit. While I've battled self-esteem in terms of thinking I'm not good enough at stuff or I'm so fat compared to so-and-so, I haven't let it stop me from being happy in general. I was raised in a very caring home and then married a wonderful, loving man who continues to love me no matter what size I was/am. I know this has a lot to do with my self-worth, because honestly, no matter how I felt inside I've been able to find joy in my life and not let my weight steal it completely.

That's why I always said I was a 'happy eater'. :) But I digress...

I'm noticing a trend that many people feel like they will only be worthy to be who they really are when they are thin. This saddens me, because really that's putting an unhealthy emphasis on weight and size. It is one aspect of The Biggest Loser I can't agree with.

Geneen Roth writes wonderfully about learning to love yourself if you never lost another pound. I battled for months with this concept, and maybe I'll write about that another day.

For today, I have to say that it saddens me to know that there are people who only feel like they are worth something when they exercise, eat right and maintain a slim body are skinny. An overweight person is worth just the same as a thin person, they just fight different issues in their lives.

Yes, I have battled a fear of rejection and acceptance from those around me, but thankfully I've never fell so low as to feel I'm not even worthy of taking care of myself. I've had other feelings, or reasons/excuses for not being able to lose weight. Yet, none of these feelings did or should take away from my self worth. We all have imperfections, but God will love us for who we are.

I hope people out there who are trying to lose weight will see that they are worthy to be loved and accepted by themselves and others for who they are no matter what they weigh. If a person's self-worth is based on a size of clothing or a number on the scale then they will be sorely let down and that, my friends, is no way to live.

Self-Worth

I have a post in the making that I'm trying to put together on this topic, but it's not quite ready.

In the meantime, I do want to take a minute to say that I don't agree with the mentality that people can only find self worth when they are thin and fit and eat healthy foods.

We need to love ourselves as we are, no matter what the weight, or we're putting too much of an emphasis on weight in our lives.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and striving to be fit, but that "being healthy and just plain feeling better" should be the motivation..not being skinny and thinking that only then will you feel worthy of being you.

When I get my thoughts straightened out I'll share more... :)

Letting Go

Today marks the beginning of three days of prayer and fasting that my husband and I participate in with our church. The main focus is to pray for the needs of our fellowship of churches and our bi-annual International Bible Conference that will begin next Monday in Arizona. However, this time also allows some time to look inside and see what issues we need to see the hand of God move in personally. It's never easy and many times I'm not into it one bit, but I press on.

This year I've been going through so much emotionally and physically that I was ready for this time of prayer and fasting. In coming to grips with being overweight I've dealt with a lot of emotional baggage and I've noticed that the same things I find hindering me in my weight loss journey are also having an effect on other areas of my life as well.

One common denominator I keep finding is the feelings of self-pity and unbelief that seem to override any common sense. It's like I find myself thinking or telling someone else, "I know you can do it! I've seen it done.", but I don't find myself believing of myself "I know I can do it!".

Saying and believing are two different things. I say a lot, especially on this blog, and I know it's all true, but I don't think I've necessarily believed a lot of it when it comes down to my own life. I also have not pushed myself to make it happen, not because I truly am not capable, but because I cave into these thoughts of self-pity and unbelief.

"I'm not like her, I have a slow metabolism." "I'm not like her, I was chubby all my life, not just since I had kids." "I'm not like her, she can just roll with the punches, but I'm so emotional." etc. etc.

Well, I've decided that it's time to let it go. It's time to put behind these feelings that I've struggled with for many, many years and push myself forward to do and be all that God wants me to be.

He has given me all the tools to reach my goals, both in weight and life, but now it's time for me to lay down my "poor me" mentality and do something about it.

I will be taking time these next few days to not only pray and fast for a breakthrough, but also to let it all go. I'm tired of playing the victim. I'm tire of being frustrated with life for more time than necessary and letting issues and concerns bog me down. There is a time to cry and deal with necessary issues, but you've no idea how much I tend to obsess and let small things ruin an entire day or week sometimes.

No more.

Life will continue to happen, but I'm no longer going to let it always ruin and depress me. I have already seen what I am capable of when I push myself. I know it's possible and by God's grace I will fight. I will push through the necessary exercise, learn to honor my hunger and be content with the portions my body needs to survive, be compassionate to others and care for them without getting angry with the way they handle their lives and above all I will be a testimony of what wonderful change God can bring to a life in need.

Christmas Gift

This year we purchased a Wii for our children for Christmas. This is the first gaming system they've ever had and were thrilled with it. To go along with the theme of the main gift and my new healthier, more fit lifestyle my husband got me a Wii Fit Plus and The Biggest Loser Wii game.

He's so cute and I'm excited.

The Wii Fit won't take the place of my gym workouts, but it will give me some fun working out to do when we have bad weather out, or on those days I work and can't fit a trip to the gym into my busy day.

I'll have to let you know later how much I like it, because so far my family has taken over and I've hardly played. LOL The kids are loving both the Wii and the Wii Fit. I'm glad to see them willing to play the standing up games as well as the sit down ones. It keeps them active too.

We also all got a laugh out of how our little "Mii" people look thick or thin according to our individual weights. I'm looking forward to watching my "Mii" get smaller! :)

Weigh-In ... Day After Christmas

Today's Weight: 211.0

Total Loss/Gain: +2.0 lbs

Total Loss So Far: -20 lbs.

I am up two pounds since Monday and I'm not too worried about it. I allowed myself to indulge yesterday and found myself waking up not wanting any more candy whatsoever. That, my friends, is a change for me.

Christmastime for me in years past was lots of baking AND eating. It also included eating lots of candy and goodies on Christmas Day.

This year I did lots of baking, but little eating. I allowed myself candy on Christmas Day, mainly all things chocolate, and it was still less than I would've eaten before. I enjoyed the holiday foods and am glad I allowed myself to do so.

There are still old habits to conquer, but there are also victories in my life. So I am okay with this gain, because I know that I will get back on track and the scale will once again begin to move downwards.

My Christmas Weight Loss Miracle

Since Christmastime is a time of miracles I thought I'd share a story about myself. If you've read my blog for any length of time you may know all this; but I had to share again today because it's been a year now and a 180-degree turn in my life.

Just over a year ago I had decided I was going to love myself the way I was - heavy, not active, but full of life and joy. After months of giving up dieting and struggling to accept myself I had come to the conclusion that I was meant to be heavy and I was going to accept that for what it was.

We had planned a three-week long trip around Christmas break 2008 to visit both our families out west and attend a conference. I planned for this trip by buying some new clothes at Lane Bryant (size snug 2x), because I was determined that I was going to look cute no matter what I weighed.

For the most part I enjoyed myself. At times I felt twinges of sadness about how big I was, but I just turned my thoughts to accepting myself and not letting any negative thoughts rob me of the joys of the season.

I went so far as to sit at the table of a dear friend of mine and tell her and another friend who have both battled weight that if some people want to be "health nuts" then that's fine, but it's not for me.

I defended myself by saying that I just have as slower metabolism and it's in my genes to be overweight. Words of "self acceptance" poured forth as freely as the coffee in my cup. My friends were gracious enough to listen and accept me for who I was. I even put down a woman is known in our circle to be very health conscious and has managed to keep a very trim figure even as she reaches her 50's through healthy eating and exercise.

I'm ashamed to admit that last part, that I put her down, and I can only pray it never got back to her.

Seriously though, I kind of laid it out for these dear friends that I wasn't going to struggle any more. I was tired of feeling like I had to live up to a certain ideal of a woman and so I wasn't going to fight against my weight issues any longer. They agreed with me and my vacation continued.

I enjoyed the comments on my new, stylish haircut and I enjoyed the company of friends we hadn't seen in a year and a half. I enjoyed food and treats and just tried to moderately not pig out if I wasn't hungry, but honestly I didn't care.

Or so I thought.

Try as I might there was still some despising of myself going on inside my mind. Especially when I saw this picture I had taken with a friend of mine at our former church:

As we were driving back to our hotel and I scanned through the pictures I'd taken that night I paused at this one. My husband asked what was wrong and I told him, "That's not me. That's not who I see myself as, or who I feel like." He sat quietly, wisely not saying anything, but patted my leg.

Though I tried to brush it off, I couldn't. I was heavy. I was getting to the point that my face was getting fat. I knew I was at the highest weight ever for me, without being pregnant, and when I saw myself in photos I felt like I was looking at the "wrong" person.

Well, as sad as I was that evening I forced myself to get over it and continue our vacation happily. I brushed aside those feelings of negative self talk and reminded myself that God loved me for who I was, my husband loved me, my family, my friends, etc. and I needed to love me for who I was.

And as I continued this loving myself my weight continued to creep up. Until one awful night in April when I mindlessly jumped on the scale and saw 232.5 pounds.

230 pounds?!? I had gained ten more since our vacation and hit another all-time high for me, without being pregnant. My friend was there and I was so embarrassed. She was going in to deliver a baby the next morning and weighed less than I did and at 9 months pregnant.

I was mortified, and felt utterly helpless to do anything about it.

I knew I couldn't try another diet because diets didn't work for me. Or rather, and I knew this to be true, I couldn't make diets work. So, while I knew I needed to do something about this weight that was also currently causing some knee pain regularly, I refused to start another diet.

During that time I came across a book called "Body Clutter" by the ladies from FlyLady.com and decided to see what it had to say. I answered every journal prompt at the end of each chapter and delved into some very personal feelings in regards to weight loss.

I also watched my first episode of The Biggest Loser and heard some deep personal talk that brought out feelings I could relate to. For all the drama and non-realistic workout regimens presented, that show touched a cord in me and I began to see people who thought it was hopeless turn their lives around. During one show I mentioned to my husband about the spouse of a contestant who had lost weight at home before her husband was on the show, "I could look like that?" He answered, "If you work hard, yes."

With those encouraging words the spark was lit. I knew I had to do something and little by little I began working on some bad habits I had.

I started perusing weight loss blogs and reading people's stories. Somehow, I don't even remember now, I came across Diane's testimony and her blog Fit to the Finish. As I read her story I found someone I could relate to and I began to follow her story. I realized that if she could lose 150 pounds and keep it off for 12 years, then I could too.

Slowly, but surely I began making small changes, starting with walking 30 minutes, three times a week and cutting out full-sugar soda. I set my goal to lose enough weight to buy a dress for my husband's dental school graduation in May 2011 and it would NOT be in the plus-size department. I was too nervous to set any goals more solid than that, and since I knew it was doable I had the courage to start.

The first 20 pounds came off in four months, and it was almost easy at times. However, I've struggled much. I've discovered attitudes I've harbored and learned to deal with them. I've had to admit some things to myself and accept responsibility for my choices.

I have not lost any more the past three months, but neither have I gained any. My fitness levels are increasing and I'm learning what works, or would could possibly work that I haven't tried yet and most importantly I've learned that I can do this.

And as I sit here, just under one year later from that picture in purple I know a miracle has taken place. Where once there was a young woman who refused to be a "health nut" there is now a woman conscious of her eating, and who now wants to jog in a 5K this next year.

The fears still creep up and there remains a long road ahead, but there is also hope and determination. I know that I am going to make it to the end on my weight loss journey, and I know that I will no longer look at photos of myself and tear up inside because I don't recognize the girl looking back.

That is a miracle, my miracle and one that I will never let go of.

Merry Christmas!

The gifts are wrapped, baking done, goodies and cards given out, blogs updated and now I can settle at home with some general cleaning and laundry to pass the time. It may sound boring, but I find housecleaning very fulfilling and since I have no more last minute Christmas things to do I can take my time getting my house clean and ready for a day of family fun tomorrow.

As I posted a few minutes ago I was a little frustrated...now I'm not. I've been reading blogs and I've decided that I'm done stressing. I'm ready for Christmas and I'm ready to enjoy some time with family and friends coming over for Christmas dinner. I will do my best to listen to my body and not overeat, but if I do..the next day is a new day.

My weight is not a reason to let this holiday be ruined. For one, weight is not what Christmas is all about. For another, two pounds is not a reason to lose all the joy and meaning of Christmas.

So, as I sign off for now I wish you and your families a wonderful Christmas. I hope you enjoy special time with family and friends. And, above all else, I hope you find a minute to remember the true meaning and reason for Christmas - the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!

Christmas Update

Christmas Break in our home means that everyone is home from school, including my wonderful husband. This means that I have to share the computer and so, I haven't been able to blog as much as normal. :)

Just a little update is that I have made it to the gym Monday through Wednesday this week for 30 minutes each day on the elliptical. Well, yesterday I had to use the recumbent bike because the elliptical was being used. The gym is closed now until Monday. We thought about going to the gym together at the military base, but woke up to ice today, so we may stay in. I will have to do a DVD if I want to exercise.

I've continued to bake cookies and only had one or two for the entire day each day. Even when I felt like munching on chocolate I limited myself to counting out 10 M&Ms. I'm pretty sure I've been eating beyond full during dinner each night, so that is at the top of my "to work on" list for future weeks.

Honestly, I've felt pretty proud of my endeavors, but I'm a little frustrated as well.

I weighed myself on Monday after my weekend out of town and I had maintained my loss last week. Then both yesterday and today I weighed myself and I was up 1.5 pounds.

ARGH!!!!!

I should've just not looked at the scale until after the holiday, because it's threatening to ruin my mood. However, I'm making up my mind to just keep plugging along, because I've been planning for a few weeks that after Christmas it's back to weight-loss normal for me.

So, it's been a crazy, busy week, but I'm enjoying myself immensely and now I'm ready for the big day tomorrow!

Hot 100 - Update #9

Well, it's time to update again...actually I'm behind. I knew it was due Monday, but totally forgot to do it yesterday.

Anyway, here are my December goals for the Hot 100 Challenge:

Scale Goal: Lose at least 5 pounds during December, also known as the highest weight-gain season of the year and baking time!!!

Emotional Goal: Enjoy the holidays without feeling obligated to eat or taste everything. Learn that I don't have to feel like I'm missing out or deprived just because I choose to say no to licking the batter spoon every time or eating 3 cookies every time I bake.

Well, I'm not down five pounds yet, but I have been exercising regularly and I've been watching portions.

I had a test on the emotional goal last weekend when I was visiting with family for three days. The first night I got into town we went for a late dinner with my parents who had also just arrived. During the course of dinner my sister-in-law announces our plans for the next couple of days:

We're going to drive to our favorite breakfast place

tomorrow morning, then we're going out to this amazing Italian restaurant after the graduation. Saturday morn

ing we're going to eat breakfast at this wonderful place right by your hotel and then Saturday night my parents are doing a big bar-b-q at their house.

I laughed and handled it all pretty well. I ate wonderful things at each place,but I ate half of the restaurant servings and at the Italian restaurant I had two bites of each dish she had brought to the table. I didn't need to eat lunch, because I was too full from breakfast both days. :)

Three things I noticed on this trip:

• I wasn't afraid of eating half of my food even though everyone else was finishing all of there food.
• I noticed that my stomach doesn't take well to large amounts of grease. I ate smaller servings, but my tummy was a bit upset before bed each night. hhmm....
• I noticed I have a hard time saying no to food when I'm really not that hungry. I caught myself doing some boredom eating on the drive and made myself stop. Then at the dinner when we got to town and then when I got home Saturday night I wasn't really hungry, but I ate a little bit anyway. It made me a little sick because I wasn't really hungry and the greasy food didn't set well with me. However, because I hadn't had a full meal in a while I felt like I should eat. Nope. I need to learn to say, "No, I'm just not hungry yet."

I've continued doing lots of baking for Christmas. I've really enjoyed it and I haven't been eating much of it at all. Most of it is for giving away, but even what I don't give away I just have had one and I haven't been licking the bowl or my fingers!!!

So, my December emotional goal for this challenge continues to be met and I'm very grateful for that. I still have about ten days to see if I can lose that five pounds. Honestly, I'm just at a point where I'll be happy if I maintain or lose anything at all.

Below is proof that I've used my finger to clean the beaters, but it went right into the bowl - not my mouth.

Weigh-In ... A Day Early

Today's Weight: 209.0

Loss/Gain: -2.0 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: - 22.0 lbs

I am leaving to go out of town for a couple of days, so I decided to weigh myself a day early and post it. I'm pleased to have lost two of the two-and-a-half pounds I gained last week.

Being back on track and motivated to keep pressing towards my goals I know the weight will continue to come off.

I will check back in with you all after the weekend. Have a great one!

Let The Record Show...

...that I jogged an entire one mile without stopping on the treadmill yesterday in 16 minutes.

YES!!!

I went to the gym and thought to myself, "I wonder if I can jog a mile yet?" So, I decided to go ahead and try.

And I made it jogging the entire one mile. Now, I can probably walk that mile just as fast, but I didn't walk it this time...I jogged it.

After that mile I had to slow down the pace to a slower-than-normal walking speed for me, but I stayed on there another 10 minutes walking and then called it a day.

You have no idea how excited I was am about that mile. My good friend Stephanie asked me when I called to tell her about it, "When was the last time you jogged a mile?"

Um...in high school, about 18 or more years ago, when they tested us on the one-mile run/walk for a grade in P.E. Except then I always ran/walked it, because I couldn't do the whole thing running.

So, at 33 years old and still over 200 pounds, I'm very happy that I was able to lift my load up and jog for a mile.

This is only the beginning folks. Have a great day! :)

I Will Finish

As much as I didn't like Tracy on TBLoser's Season 8 she made a comment in her finale interview that I could really appreciate. It went something like this: "Before [in the past] I never finished what I started and now I have finally finished something I started."

I can totally relate to that.

I have also been a person who starts things and doesn't finish them, whether it be crafts, projects, or my weight. I get excited about something, I start it, I get a little done, but I don't finish.

I'm not sure why this is. I think some of it falls under the contentment category. I buy a project to do and then something better comes along. Actually in the crafting area I think I just get distracted or bored, but in the weight area I think I get lazy and comfortable and maybe, I'm learning, even just a little bit scared.

Something I've learned this year is that I'm really nervous about actually reaching my goal weight and being the thin person I've always felt is trapped inside. I've always been the chubby, sedentary girl and becoming a thin, active woman would be someone very different that what my friends and family have known all these years. It would be showing them that I'm capable of something that is very hard to overcome and that is foreign to me.

Wow. There, I said it again. So, as far as weight goes I think I know a little bit of why I may never have finished in the past. And that being said, I know why I am going to finish this time.

I'm not going to reach my goal just to show everyone I can, but honestly because I think deep down there has always been a desire to be more active and treat my body with better care. I just never knew how to do it, or I never thought I could do it.

Yet, week by week, month by month I have learned about issues I needed to deal with and I've learned what tools I need to use to reach my weight loss goals. I'm learning what works for me and what I need to do to make it all work together for the good of my weight loss.

There have been tears, joys, frustrations and victories. It's been a long, tough beginning, but I'm finally seeing some breakthroughs. There is still a long road ahead of me, but I'm ready to accept the challenge and keep working at losing the weight.

When I started this weight loss journey back in May I decided that I was going to finish it, no matter how long it took, and I will. I may come in "last", but I will finish. I will reach my new ending. :)

GO ME! :)

I just got back from the gym where I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 10 more minutes on the treadmill. I upped my level on the elliptical to a 4 and even got up to a jogging pace a few times on both the elliptical and treadmill. Now, some people are jogging a 12-minute mile, but me just moving myself to anything faster than walking is a good thing.

After the bummer week last week I was so proud of myself. I also feel so much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, if you're bumming out or thinking you can't do this...don't give up. Trust me, if I can keep going on this weight loss journey and get myself back into a workout, then you can too!

...even during the busiest season of the year... :)

Thanks...just had to share...now continue on with your goal-reaching Monday! :)

Staying Motivated

I am feeling much, much better today. Motivated. Ready to keep going. Ready to keep working on what it's going to take to reach my weight loss goals.

This morning I received this article in my email from Spark People and it since it fit so perfectly with where I'm at I thought I'd share it with you all. You can see the original article here.

Have a wonderful, goal-reaching day everyone! :)

9 Hidden Reasons to Stay Motivated

Ways to Rediscover Your Drive

-- By Zach Van Hart, Staff Writer

Everyone tells us to stay motivated. Our friends, our co-workers, our relatives say to keep going, don’t quit. Sometimes, though, you ask, "Why? Why try my hardest when it ends in disappointment? Why go through something when it’s going to hurt? Why?" Because it’s going to be different this time! Because you can’t accomplish anything that you give up on. Disappointments and failures happen to everyone. The difference between those who reach their goals and those who don’t is staying motivated. If you’re motivated, you’ll keep going. If you keep going, eventually you’ll reach your goal. Need more reasons? Here are 10 of our ‘hidden’ reasons to stay motivated. Use one or all of them to keep the fire burning inside you.

1. Confidence How did it feel after that first jog around the block? Or when you finally walked the stairs at work without losing your breath? The more you accomplish, the more you’ll believe in yourself.

2. Fit into that dress It’s been hanging up in your closet for two years now, just waiting to be thrown on for a night on the town. All it takes is for you to go that extra mile and stay on track. Before you know it, those two years will be ancient history.

3. Make the week easier Ever felt like a week was taking forever? It feels like Friday, but it’s only Tuesday? This happens when you’re not working towards anything. When you have a goal in mind, you’ll want to cook that healthy dinner or go to the gym. The week will not only go faster, but be more enjoyable.

4. Gives you purpose Every once in a while, we need a good reason to get out of bed. Here it is, right in front of you. Eat the healthy breakfast that’s going to jump start your day, go for your morning jog, or walk to the driveway and grab the newspaper. When you’re motivated, you have a reason to do what you do.

5. For your kids And your grandkids. And their kids, too. The healthier you are, the longer you’ll be around to watch your kids grow and to spoil your grandchildren. They’ll want you to be around as long as possible; consider this just another present.

6. Power of momentum It’s a scientific fact – something in motion tends to stay in motion. Momentum builds quickly and can lead to great results. Suddenly, you’re not only working for the goal, but also to keep your streak alive. Even more reason to reach your goals.

7. The ‘wow’ effect Picture this: Walking into a restaurant, you run into someone from high school, and their eyes light up. They gasp, "Wow, you look great!" By sticking with your goals, this can happen. Watch the "wows" add up.

8. Spread the spark When friends and family see how hard you’re working, they’ll wonder how they can reach their own goals. Guess who they’re going to look to for help? By staying motivated, you’ll not only help yourself, but others too.

9. Keep gaining experience The more you do, the more you will learn and understand. You’ll discover which tactics work best for you and which ones don’t. It’s like weeding out the garden - not the most enjoyable job in the world, but when you’re done, all that’s left are beautiful flowers. Keeping sticking with it and soon it will be all flowers for you.

Me? Tired of Chocolate??

Friday I made peanut butter balls, chocolate dipped pretzels and yesterday I made two types of fudge. I will be making cookies tomorrow and putting together goodie bags for my husband's dental class - 59 students.

So far I've had 3 peanut butter balls, some of the pretzels and a bite of each of the fudges to make sure they turned out okay. Would you believe that today I was thinking, "enough chocolate already!".

I have no idea were that thought came from, but at lunch at a restaurant my husband and I were sharing a small brownie and I could only eat two bites. I was done with the brownie.

This is so strange to me, but I listened to my body and I stopped eating it. Maybe I'll get lucky and not want any more chocolate for the rest of this month. LOL!!! It's a nice thought anyway...

Hot 100 - Update #8

It's time for another Hot 100 Challenge update. I have good news and not-so-good news.

First off my goals for December are:

Scale Goal: Lose at least 5 pounds during December, also known as the highest weight-gain season of the year and baking time!!!

Emotional Goal: Enjoy the holidays without feeling obligated to eat or taste everything. Learn that I don't have to feel like I'm missing out or deprived just because I choose to say no to licking the batter spoon every time or eating 3 cookies every time I bake.

The scale goal is nowhere near reached, but I have 20 more days to work on that. I'm not giving in to defeat just yet.

The emotional goal is being met partially. I baked some brownies for a Christmas party on Tuesday and did not eat any of them until I had a small one at the party. That was a big deal for me. Unfortunately, this past week has been crazy and I ate lots of brownies in the two days following. *sigh*

My really good news is that two days ago I wanted to give up on all of this - losing weight, exercising, cutting back on foods, etc. etc. but I'm back in a better state of mind today and I'm going to keep working on it.

Will I reach 199 by December 31st? I highly doubt it, but I'm not sure either. I will keep working on losing the weight and I will not give up.

It's not over 'till it's over!

Oh, and if you'd like to see how others are doing on the Hot 100 Challenge, hop on over to Steve's Blog, Log My Loss, and check it out here.

Weigh-In ... Here's the Damage

Today's Weight: 211.0

Loss/Gain: + 2.5 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -20 lbs.

Well, if you've read my blog at all this week you know I'm not surprised. It's been one of the worst weeks for me since starting this weight loss journey. I've been battling a head cold and the guilt of not working out while trying to get better, and that along with the side effects of my monthly cycle have made for one BIG emotional week.

However, all is not lost.

Last night before I went to bed I was finally feeling glimmers that all hope is not lost and I will see this weight come off. I was so happy that I almost came to post about it. :) I think the emotions were evening out and I was feeling back to normal in that aspect. My head is still stuffy and I probably won't workout again today, but I know and feel that as soon as I can get my body back from this cold I will be back to my workouts. In the meantime I will be careful with my food.

It's not over, folks and I am going to win over this addiction to food!

Thank you for your encouraging words over the week and for not giving up on me. While some weeks I hate weighing in because I know I have to report it on my blog to all of you, I am really grateful for the support you offer. When I read your comments and see that I'm not the only one going through certain issues I am encouraged to get back up again and keep going.

Bummer Week

Well, I didn't post yesterday because I had nothing "nice" to say. I could put on a happy face and tell you all some wonderful things, but honestly...I haven't been feeling well. A stuffy nose and achy head combined with a Christmas to-do list and my monthly don't make for very encouraging feelings.

Yesterday I just decided that I didn't care about losing weight anymore. I was am tired of it all.

I'm tired of feeling yucky.

I'm feeling so guilty for not working out.

I have overeaten a few times this past week and known it.

I'm stressing a little, though I try and tell myself I'm not.

I'm tired of feeling addicted to food.

I'm glad for how far I've come, but I know I have so much more to do and I'm feeling like it's never going to happen.

There I said it.

I know that once my head, nose and throat clear up I will feel better. I'll probably even look back on this post and laugh a little, but today I'm not laughing.

My silver lining around this cloud of bummer is that a good friend of mine talked with me over an hour yesterday about these very feelings and was so encouraging. Then this morning my mom called out of the blue just to chat for a bit and that was a godsend. Oh, and last night my kids told me that I look skinnier, and a friend of mine asked last week if I was losing weight. She said she could tell I have a nice figure (yea...under there somewhere...[grin]). They're so kind.

I know that I will feel better soon, and I know I need to take care of myself first or nothing else will get done.

I'm not quitting and I will not let my weight go back up. I'm only warning you that I'm not planning on any great losses showing up this week.

Morning Funnies

Well, I'm a little achy (Aleve will help that) and feel a sore throat and head congestion coming on, but I have a little girls Christmas tea party to get ready for today.

Yes, I love to do this sort of thing.

My daughters are having a few younger friends over from church and we're having hot tea, sandwiches and soup with some dessert goodies to finish things off. Then we're making an ornament and doing a gift exchange. It will be lots of fun and the prep will make my day go by quickly.

In the meantime I thought I'd share some comics I received this morning in an email. They brought a smile to my face and I hope they do to yours also.

Off For Good

During my monthly cycle it's often hard to find the motivation to stay on track and not feel like the weight will never come off. Yada, yada, etc. etc. I've eaten chocolate and salt this evening like it's going out of style. Again, not like I used to, but more than probably necessary.

However, I was reminded while reading some weight loss blogs just now that I am in this for the long haul, and my weight is coming off for good. I may be the slowest at weight loss, but whatever I've lost so far is gone and never coming back on. I'm also not giving up and I know that I will win this battle in the end.

That's about as positive as I can be right now, so I'll stop there. :) Take care "y'all" and have a great week!

Congratulations to Pam!

I wanted to take a minute and pass on a congratulations to Pam over at Journey To The Healthier Side of Life. She reached a big milestone in her weight loss journey and is a great inspiration to us all! Please feel free to stop by and give her a pat on the back here.

Weigh-In ... Maintain, but Feeling Good

Today's Weight: 208.5 lbs.

Loss/Gain: 0

Total Loss So Far: -22.5

I'm counting this as a maintain even though last Friday I was up to 211.5; because on Saturday I weighed myself again and I was back down to 208.5.

This is has been a good week for me, even if the scale doesn't show a loss.

-I have exercised four days for thirty minutes a day.

-I have been learning to eat only when hungry and stop when satisfied.

-I am learning that I need to be content (noticed I haven't learned it completely yet [grin] ).

- And I have regained hope that I can continue losing.

Also, I actually woke up hungry this morning, which is a nice sign that I didn't eat too much before bed. You know, if I was really hungry and ate late in the evening it wouldn't be so bad. However, most of the times I eat late at night it's just mindless snacking and then I'm not truly hungry in the morning until almost 9:30 or 10:00 am. So, to wake up hungry is a good thing. At least it is today. :)

I hope you all have a nice Friday.

Stick To It

I was reading an article in Reader's Digest's December 2009 issue and the author wrote about a comment that I found so very true in every aspect of life, but especially in my weight loss journey. It is something I'm still learning to do.

While telling the story of Todd Carmichael's solo trek to the south pole he quoted Carmichael as saying, "You can never stray from your routine," he said. "If you rely on adrenaline or emotion, you burn out. Inspiration comes from doing the work, not as a catalyst to do the work."

I've nothing more to add, but just send it out there as something to think about.

Note: I looked on Reader's Digest's website to see if I could show you the article, but it's not available there yet. However, you can read an interview with this man here at SkinnyMoose.com. Talk about taking on a tough task.

Listening To My Body

After mentioning the other day that I really would like to get down to 199 by New Years I've been stressing a little about how to go about it.

What plan should I follow?

What should I/shouldn't I eat?

Should I start some intense workouts?

On and on...

I was beginning to stress out about it all. Then I realized that I need to do what worked for me the week of Thanksgiving and in times past.

Listen to my body. Eat in moderation. Stop eating when full. Make sure to get some exercise in.

"The problem with that", I argued with myself, "is that I can't guarantee I'll lose 8.5 pounds."

hhmm.... But is that really the long term goal here? I mean, the short term goal is good and something I can still work towards, but will it all be a failure if I don't make it?

Nope.

The long term goal is to buy a dress for my husband's graduation in May 2011 in the regular sizes section of a store. It is also to feel better and have more energy, and for me what has worked the best is listening to my body.

Now, obviously and honestly I haven't been doing that. It's something I'm really working on right now. I am noticing regularly that my body does tell me when it's had enough. I've just been ignoring it.

Time to stop ignoring and start listening. Deep inside I think this is what will work best for me.

Hot 100 - November Results (Update #7)

My goals for month two of the Hot 100 Challenge were as follows:

My Hot 100 November Goals:

Scale Goal: Reach my first scale goal of 199 by Thanksgiving. That is losing 15 pounds between now and then.

Emotional Goal: Learn how to stay on track while my mother visits the week of Thanksgiving and not feel bad about it. I tend to not want to make her feel bad with my losing weight. I've told her this and she is most encouraging, but it's still rough for me.

Scale Goal: No. I did not reach 199 by Thanksgiving. As I mentioned in my month progress pics post I am a bit upset with this. I am buckling down to see if I can reach this by the end of the challenge.

Emotional Goal: YES! I did not gain any weight while my mom was visiting. I was even encouraged to see a change in her eating habits as well. We enjoyed eating out at some restaurants she really likes out here, but all food was enjoyed in moderation. She actually mentioned that she would like to get a treadmill so she can do some walking again. This is a great encouragement to me. She was also supportive, as always, and didn't make any comments if I wanted to eat less. It was a very good week!

So, while I was hoping to really be kicking some butt by now in this challenge I am learning things and making some progression. As I posted yesterday, I am trying to work on being content. It is not easy at all to stop eating when satisfied, but I'm determined to really work on that this next month.

My goals for December are:

Hot 100 Goals for December:

Scale Goal: Lose at least 5 pounds during December, also known as the highest weight-gain season of the year and baking time!!!

Emotional Goal: Enjoy the holidays without feeling obligated to eat or taste everything. Learn that I don't have to feel like I'm missing out or deprived just because I choose to say no to licking the batter spoon every time or eating 3 cookies every time I bake.

Had I reached by 199 lbs by now losing five more would've put me at 194 lbs. I kind of doubt I'll see that kind of a loss, but we'll see. I will lose those five pounds, and if I make it to 199 I'll definitely be happy!

Yesterday I decided to cut out sweets except for one day a week during this next month. I think this will help me be more careful about not eating too many. So far I'm okay on that this week. :)

So, here goes for the last month of the challenge. I look forward to seeing some results this month. Wish me luck!

Progression Pics - 6 Months and 1 Year

Weight Loss Progression Pics

Well, I'm down a half of a pound this past month. That's the result of the funk I was in. Since this makes a grand total of 22.5 pounds in six months it's a little upsetting. I'm just glad it's not a gain for the month. I can be content with that. I'm looking for a good loss this upcoming month.

~~

To make myself feel a little better about my 3.75-pound-a-month weight loss average I looked up a picture of my husband and I while decorating the tree a year ago. I weighed a few pounds more than I do now, maybe five to seven, and I wasn't exercising at all; neither was he. This is a little more encouraging.

November 2008

November 2009

I think he actually looks a whole lot thinner here. Woo Hoo! :) My camera seems to be acting up and it's not too clear, but you get the idea.

Being Content

Last week while my mother was visiting we had some really good times of one-on-one talking. Some of it was even pretty deep conversation and something I really needed. One thing she mentioned that has stuck in my mind was when she said, "You just need to be content." This wasn't in regards to my weight loss, but she did include my health and weight in general.

Now, she wasn't talking about being content with being overweight and giving up on losing any more, but with being myself and not living up to the stick-thin examples of "great bodies" we see plastered in the media. She also was talking about a few other personal issues.

She is so right, both in general and in weight-related issues.

I'm always looking for the latest fix to help me lose the weight. Yes, I admit it..I do look in magazines and at those crazy ads once in a while. When I'm vexed with my current situation I just wish I could find the "magic" plan, workout tool, exercise machine or diet that would make the weight drop off easily.

But I know none of that would give me lasting results and they wouldn't deal with the deeper issues; one of which is being content. I tend to want more in many areas, and food is one of them.

So, to know what to change and how to be content I started with looking up scriptures on the subject and then the actual definition of the word. In my search I came across these definitions:

con·tent

1.	satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else. Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing:

con·tent·ed,

To make content or satisfied: contented himself with one piece of cake.

I found it interesting that the example given for "contented" included an example with food. Somehow the dictionary knew what I was looking for.

Notice how the second definition for "content" says, "ready to accept or acquiesce; willing:" ? It's almost as if I have to be ready to accept that less food or healthier choices are enough and be content with that. I know to acquiesce is to give in without protest, but look at that through my mind...I'm not giving in to be overweight, but giving in to what I know I must do and I'm not going to protest anymore.

Along the same lines, the definition for contented says "to make content or satisfied". I have to make myself be content. It doesn't say ' the natural instinct to be content'. It says to make it happen.

Ah ha!

I need to

* stop protesting smaller portions and healthier options

* be satisfied and not want more

* make myself be content, because it won't come naturally

* be content with the food I eat and stop when I'm satisfied.

You know how Dave Ramsey teaches on living within your means financially, and being content with what you have? Well, I need to learn to eat within my means and be content with only the food my body needs as fuel to keep going.

This is not easy for me, but I know it can be done. I have decided to make it my goal daily to work on being content, because I know there is nothing to lose but the weight if I do.

1 Timothy 6:6 (NIV)

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Deborah Award

Diane so graciously awarded the Deborah award to me today on her blog. Little does she know that it was a great morale booster to me.

I'm going to buckle down and try to reach a certain goal by the end of the year and this evening I've been really stressing about what I need to change to make it happen. I know I'll probably feel much better after I get some sleep, so I'm trying not to worry too much about it.


So, Diane thank you for the award and for your friendship and support during this weightloss journey of mine.

I am not going to pass it on just now, because I need to think a little more on it. :)

Blog Change

I change the backgrounds regularly on my family's blog and I didn't want to start doing that too much here, because I wanted my weightloss blog to be associated with a certain constant look, like a dot com site might.

BUT....

I couldn't resist this blog set from The Cutest Blog on the Block. I figured the red, black and white could go on and on past Christmastime, so I would go ahead and change it. We'll call it my "winter" theme. :)

Okay, my family needs the computer now, so I must stop playing and go do something else. Though as I look there is something else I'd like to add. Oh well, it will have to wait until next time.

G'nite!

Happy Saturday!

I couldn't resist the urge to weigh myself again this morning and am happy to report that the scale said 208.5! This is encouraging because it means the two-pound gain I showed yesterday truly was from a full day of eating and nothing else. I know you rejoice with me in this happy moment. :) In fact, I'm going to change my stats on the side bar to show the lower weight. That actually brings me back down the pound I gained last week too.

Woo Hoo!!

This morning my mom left to go back home. One of my daughters got up with me at 6:00 am to take her to the airport. We stopped for donuts on the way home, because we promised the kids donuts for a treat today. When we got home I was a little more awake, so I asked her if she'd like to go for a walk with me.

She agreed and we enjoyed some chatting and walking for 32 minutes around our neighborhood. It was about 43 degrees out, and nice and sunny.

I made her some hot cocoa when we got home and now we're going to sit and quietly watch a movie until the rest of the household wakes up. Since we were up very late last night and then very early today we might just fall back asleep on the couch. :)

Thanksgiving Choices

Well, I feel the need to share with everyone how my eating went yesterday.

We had a very nice time.

I got up and got my turkey in the oven. Then I cleaned up around the house before getting dressed. We had done so much prep work on Wednesday that I really didn't have as much to do as in the past.

The meal turned out wonderful. My sister-in-law made a dish that is custom in her family and a couple that came brought a yummy pie and side dish.

I had a small spoonful of everything. I almost took a picture of my plate to share with you, but I didn't want to make everyone else feel uncomfortable. There was about 2-3 small bites of everything. It was enough to leave me just over satisfied and little enough that I knew I hadn't overdone it. I also chose to drink water with my meal instead of soda so as to not fill up on carbonation.

What a great feeling!!

I had a small piece of French Silk Pie with my coffee for dessert and that was fine also.

The only area I kind of "messed up" in was the crackers and cheese ball with the relish tray.

I LOVE green olives and ate a few too many crackers with cream cheese ball topped with olives.

They began to make me feel sick. Ugh.... but I knew I hadn't overeaten throughout the day, so I could recover from the snacks easily.

So, that's it. My honest post about how I ate. I feel I did fine.

Could I have eaten better? Yes, I could've stayed away from the hors d'oeuvres. That's what I will change for the future.

Am I proud of my other choices? Yes. My plate was by no means piled high with food and I didn't go back for seconds.

All in all, I made some good choices and I learned from other choices. I enjoyed wonderful time with our friends and family. We played games and talked a lot and it was a great day!

I hope you all had a wonderful day and enjoy some more rest and recreation during this long weekend.

Weigh-In ... Could've Been Worse

Today's Weight: 211.5

Loss/Gain: +2.0 lbs.

Total Loss So Far: -19.5 lbs

Well, I wrestled with whether to go ahead and weigh myself today or weigh myself yesterday morning. Since I forgot to weigh myself yesterday morning today won by default. :)

Am I worried about a two-pound gain the day after Thanksgiving? No.

I weighed myself on Wednesday morning and I wasn't up at all, so I know that this is all due to eat more than normal yesterday.

I know it will come off this week, so I'm not worried. Plus, I'm glad that I controlled things enough that it wasn't a five or seven pound gain.

I hope you don't think that I'm too flippant about this. If you do, oh well.

Yesterday I enjoyed the time with our family and the only regret I have regarding my food intake is that I ate too many crackers with cheese from the cheese ball. Whew! We were playing a game in the evening and I had to just make myself sit there with some water because I could still taste the cream cheese & Ranch in my mouth from so much I had eaten.

Otherwise, I did okay and I'm not upset about it. I'll post more later on how it went.

For now, it's back on track and continuing down my weightloss journey. :)

Great Thanksgiving Posts

Since my mom has been visiting all week I haven't had the time to post all the things that have gone through my head. Yet, each day Diane at Fit to the Finish has so eloquently posted things that I completely agree with and have found very insightful in regards to the Thanksgiving Holiday.

So, I decided to go ahead and post links to them for you to check out in case you don't already read her blog. I know you will find some pointers that will help you to have a successful, fun-filled Thanksgiving! You'll also see my comments on each one of them. Enjoy!

Do You Even Remember The Food?

Prepare Mentally

Thanksgiving Desserts Reworked

Thankful

First, I want to take a minute to thank each and every one of you that has stopped by my blog and left such encouraging comments. Blogging has been one of my greatest tools in reaching success in my weightloss journey. If people weren't responding I might not find it so helpful. :)

With Thanksgiving just around the corner - literally less than 24 hours away now - I can't help but think how blessed I am.

Here are some weight-related things I am thankful for:

I am no longer feeling helpless about my weight.

I am able to do things physically that I didn't think I could before.

I have my health and energy like never before.

I have met some very nice, supportive people through blogging that give me the support and direction I need to continue on down this journey.

I have seen close friends and family become super supportive of me in my weight loss no matter how slow it goes.

While I'd love to take credit for these wonderful blessings, I can't. I must take a minute to give thanks to Jesus for His saving grace and boundless love. I truly give Him credit for helping me to overcome my emotional issues that have contributed to my weight gain issues. He is my strength and high tower and I have been able to work through many things because His word has been faithful to speak to me in times of need.

I am a blessed woman, both by family and friends and now also in my health and I give all glory to God.

I pray you too can know the love that God so freely shares and find out that blessings can be yours also, no matter what your weight or current place in life.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

Hot 100 - Update #6

I'm a little behind in posting my Hot 100 update. I knew it was coming, but haven't checked blogs or anything since Thursday night I think.

Anyway, here it goes!

My Hot 100 November Goals:

Scale Goal: Reach my first scale goal of 199 by Thanksgiving. That is losing 15 pounds between now and then.

Emotional Goal: Learn how to stay on track while my mother visits the week of Thanksgiving and not feel bad about it. I tend to not want to make her feel bad with my losing weight. I've told her this and she is most encouraging, but it's still rough for me.

I must tell you that I know for sure that I will not hit 199 by Thanksgiving. I guess if I starved myself and worked out a lot I could lose 10 pounds in the next four days. :) I just don't see it happening though.

A week or so ago I was very upset when I realized I wasn't getting closer to 199. However, I've gotten out of my funk and decided that it's a goal I am still going to try and hit by the end of the year.

I have not given up and I will keep working on it.

As for the emotional goal... my mom came into town on Saturday. So far it hasn't been too hard to eat less. Plus, I'm noticing that she is eating less also. Glory! I think I will definitely make my emotional goal this month. :)

No Stress Allowed

Hello! Well, Thanksgiving week is upon us and there is so much to be done. I really love this time of year. I enjoy cooking up the Thanksgiving meal and baking some pies. I enjoy putting together some baked goods for friends and spending time with loved ones over the long holiday weekend.

I wonder how many people are nervous about this holiday centered around a HUGE meal? How many people are already nervous about putting on a couple of pounds, or not being able to eat anything because it's all too high in calories? How many people think they will lose all control this holiday and in turn they will feel like they are a failure at weight loss and give up?

I'm not. I will eat what I like. I will enjoy a little of my favorites and then I will stop. Yes, I will even have a small piece of dessert, or bites of a few different ones. I will enjoy the food, but in moderation.

I've done this before and I know it can be done.

Will I lose weight this week? Honestly, I'm not sure. I know I will be careful the rest of the week and I will try and fit in some exercise, but I'm not going to stress myself out over my weight.

In my humble opinion, Thanksgiving is too wonderful a holiday to ruin it with weight-related issues.

My body knows what it wants and it knows to tell me when it's had enough. This Thanksgiving I will listen to my body and I will stop eating when it says, "Okay, we've had enough." and I will be content with that.

How about you? Are you stressing over the amounts of food that may possibly be set before you this Thanksgiving and your ability to control yourself around it all?

Please don't be.

Do your best and don't stress. If you do put on a pound or two, please don't hate yourself. You'll have plenty more days and weeks to continue working on your weight loss.

Have a great week everyone!

"Hey Skinny!"

Yesterday at school a teacher's aid asked me if I was losing weight. I told her, "Yes, I am and thank you for noticing!"

She said it was "really noticeable" when she walked in the room and saw me. I explained that it's been a slow process, but changes are being made and I do feel better.

Of course, you know that made my day. :)

Well, today I was at the school for about an hour as Mom, instead of substitute and the same teacher's aid sees me and says, "Hey Skinny!!"

I just laughed! I know at 209.5 lbs I am NOT skinny.

She gushed again about how it's so noticeable and I look great. I giggled and thanked her again for her kind words.

Silly lady. She's definitely a friend I'll have to keep around! :)